"I'm off to Germany to murder an octopus". The text my cousin sent me after the unthinkable happened and the Dutch came 2nd in the World Cup for the 3rd time.
Not gonna lie, I'm pretty devastated. The morning started off so promising. My posse and I (what? You don't have a posse? You should get a posse) were the first in the bar, decked out proudly in orange. The drinks started flowing (yes it was 9am. What?) and we settled in for what was going to be the best day in my country's history.In the middle of the game I even got a message from a friend that studied in Amsterdam with me (who I hadn't talked to in a really, really long time), cheering on the Dutch and I thought it had to be a sign that we were going to win it all.
There was the matter of the questionable reffing, the diving and in the end, the Dutch made the most costly mistake. Right at the very end of extra time. I can't really say any more about the game- I don't remember most of it now. Its all a fantastically orange blur. My one nail was chewed to pieces by the end of it. Stressful doesn't even begin to describe the experience.
So now I'm sitting in my Cubicle prison extra early on a Monday morning waiting for all the Spaniards in my office to rub it in.
Wait? What? I don't work with any Spaniards? Weird then how they will all have "won" the World Cup. How they will all feel the pride of a nation, at the expense of my own.
Except that honestly, I'm still fiercely proud. Proud of my team, who got us closer to winning it all than any other in 32 years. Proud of my country who swathed themselves in orange and celebrated every win like it was the big one. Proud that we're still better than pretty much everyone else.
I've gotten a lot of sh*t from the Italians that I know. I get it, you're 4 time World Champions. Congratulations. You're also extra douchey about it and the rest of the world always collectively hope you fail. At least non-Dutch folks wore the one orange shirt they had in their closet and hoped for a big win. A friend of mine that I watched the game with (and actually we watch a lot of big games with these 2 friends and have yet to witness a big win together...so...I think our big game watching days are over) said that I had found my Italy. Yes he was wearing a France jersey yesterday. Remembering better days.
So the Dutch may have lost but at least the Italians didn't win it.
Monday Monday Monday. How the hell did we get here again so fast? Should be a quick week. Today is an adjusted schedule, have to get through the middle of the week, a chance to get my new apartment's keys on Wednesday, but probably it will happen on Thursday. And then I will have a big steak dinner to celebrate before I have Friday off (to sleep of said steak). By the end of this week I will be able to go into my new apartment whenever I want! Mostly we will be painting it though. My arms are going to be so sore!
Good thing I have something to look forward to this week. Or else the Spanish bandwagoners would probably have their throats slashed. Too violent an imagery on a Monday? I would beg to differ. I don't think that its violent enough. Its a Monday you guys. Mon. Day.
I think I'm going to cut it off there. My pride has exhausted me. It might still be tinged with some sadness. Here's hoping the day goes by mercifully quickly.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Friday Snickers
We have made it to Friday kids. Give yourself a hand if you didn't kill anyone you work with, scream at the little people, or have a panic attack in an office bathroom stall.
Still with me? Most of you? Well done.
So in honour of its being Friday (the most glorious day of the week) I have put together a collection of amusing incidents that have occured in my office this week. Weird right? Its like, they have a meeting on Monday telling us when we're all getting laid off and everyone just gives up pretending to work. The atmosphere in here (rhyme time hehe) has relaxed just a smidge, but we are taking full advantage.
A few times we have had power outages in the area. The last time it was just for the weekend. Another time the whole downtown area had no power for 3 days. Except that our building was fine (I'm not kidding- the buildings next to us, down the street and across the street had no power. We were fine. It was lame). Sometimes the lights flicker and I get really excited. Yesterday the lights flickered. Twice. I was already rubbing my hands together in that delighted-villain kind of way, anticipating the loss of power.
Turns out, it was Maurice experimenting with a lighting scheme for his cubicle. I guess he was expecting cubicle company and while the wine was chilling he wanted to set the mood?
Later on Maurice, joined by our friend Nathan and the mail guy, decided that they wanted to go outside but didn't want to leave the building (I don't understand it either) so they went o the patio a few floors up. I should explain that I have never mentioned this before because I don't go up there ever since I don't smoke. So they are up there 'catching some rays', living the life etc when they get freaked out because there are birds up there. Weird how the birds are flying around outside. Anyway we later heard that the birds decided to have some fun with them, flying over their heads. Apparently this was way too much reality for Maurice and the mail guy who screeched and ran away. Like girls. Nathan did a pretty excellent impression in the lunch room later.
I think that Maurice really misses me now that we are no longer cubicle buddies. I was making my tea the other day and Maurice comes in and uncharacteristically starts a conversation. He asks me if I miss my old spot. I do (so much. That window. The non-Amyness. My own printer). He said he does too. Clearly this was his way of reaching out and letting me know that once upon a time I brightened his day and he misses that. Obviously I have been neglecting him lately. Something I should remedy (poor Maurice).
On Tuesday a group of us went to the pub for lunch to watch the Netherlands defeat Uruguay in the World Cup semi-finals. Gloria (I have decided to give the Korea super-fan a name because a) she provides a lot of blog material and b) she reads the blog now and requested a name. If only you knew how we came up with Gloria...) had a Guinness. Which is a meal. Later on she was telling Anna about it (Anna was at school so she couldn't come with) and smacked her lips saying "mmmm Guinness". Clearly Anna and I were not paying any attention because we heard "mmmm penis". One of the few times I have cried laughing at work.
I have saved the best for last. This week marked the last day of one of the Temps. As is customary, a card was selected and secretly sent around so that we could all fill it with geniuine sentiments like "good luck!" and "it was fun to work with you!". For some reason they let one of the staff choose the card, instead of the usual supervisory committee. Someone not exactly known to be office appropriate 24/7. The card selected had a picture of a larger man, with unusually hairy legs and cutoffs that rode up his a$$. He was a grumpy, bearded 30something fellow, with dark hair, a disgruntled look on his face and a grad cap was perched on his head.
He also looked exactly like this guy that we work with. The guy of the hairy butt crack. The one that bent over in front of me and forever burned my retinas with the most grotesque imagery I have ever known.
I am not kidding when I say it looked exactly like him. It could have been him. Maybe at some point he needed some extra money...I don't know.
Naturally I couldn't keep this disturbing thought to myself. First I told Gloria. Who is not subtle about anything. She let out a sound that was less like a dying parrot and more like a parrot that is being strangled but it keeps fighting to breathe and squawk for help. And she let it keep going. I walked away and told the others that Gloria was having a seizure. Other reactions included "you just ruined my day" and "I was going to have lunch but now I'm not hungry".
All in all a success I'd say. I can't suffer alone.
Happy Friday all! Cheer for Holland on Sunday! Hup Holland Hup!
PS Angela- be safe on Sunday! Being Dutch in Madrid can go one of 2 ways...
Still with me? Most of you? Well done.
So in honour of its being Friday (the most glorious day of the week) I have put together a collection of amusing incidents that have occured in my office this week. Weird right? Its like, they have a meeting on Monday telling us when we're all getting laid off and everyone just gives up pretending to work. The atmosphere in here (rhyme time hehe) has relaxed just a smidge, but we are taking full advantage.
A few times we have had power outages in the area. The last time it was just for the weekend. Another time the whole downtown area had no power for 3 days. Except that our building was fine (I'm not kidding- the buildings next to us, down the street and across the street had no power. We were fine. It was lame). Sometimes the lights flicker and I get really excited. Yesterday the lights flickered. Twice. I was already rubbing my hands together in that delighted-villain kind of way, anticipating the loss of power.
Turns out, it was Maurice experimenting with a lighting scheme for his cubicle. I guess he was expecting cubicle company and while the wine was chilling he wanted to set the mood?
Later on Maurice, joined by our friend Nathan and the mail guy, decided that they wanted to go outside but didn't want to leave the building (I don't understand it either) so they went o the patio a few floors up. I should explain that I have never mentioned this before because I don't go up there ever since I don't smoke. So they are up there 'catching some rays', living the life etc when they get freaked out because there are birds up there. Weird how the birds are flying around outside. Anyway we later heard that the birds decided to have some fun with them, flying over their heads. Apparently this was way too much reality for Maurice and the mail guy who screeched and ran away. Like girls. Nathan did a pretty excellent impression in the lunch room later.
I think that Maurice really misses me now that we are no longer cubicle buddies. I was making my tea the other day and Maurice comes in and uncharacteristically starts a conversation. He asks me if I miss my old spot. I do (so much. That window. The non-Amyness. My own printer). He said he does too. Clearly this was his way of reaching out and letting me know that once upon a time I brightened his day and he misses that. Obviously I have been neglecting him lately. Something I should remedy (poor Maurice).
On Tuesday a group of us went to the pub for lunch to watch the Netherlands defeat Uruguay in the World Cup semi-finals. Gloria (I have decided to give the Korea super-fan a name because a) she provides a lot of blog material and b) she reads the blog now and requested a name. If only you knew how we came up with Gloria...) had a Guinness. Which is a meal. Later on she was telling Anna about it (Anna was at school so she couldn't come with) and smacked her lips saying "mmmm Guinness". Clearly Anna and I were not paying any attention because we heard "mmmm penis". One of the few times I have cried laughing at work.
I have saved the best for last. This week marked the last day of one of the Temps. As is customary, a card was selected and secretly sent around so that we could all fill it with geniuine sentiments like "good luck!" and "it was fun to work with you!". For some reason they let one of the staff choose the card, instead of the usual supervisory committee. Someone not exactly known to be office appropriate 24/7. The card selected had a picture of a larger man, with unusually hairy legs and cutoffs that rode up his a$$. He was a grumpy, bearded 30something fellow, with dark hair, a disgruntled look on his face and a grad cap was perched on his head.
He also looked exactly like this guy that we work with. The guy of the hairy butt crack. The one that bent over in front of me and forever burned my retinas with the most grotesque imagery I have ever known.
I am not kidding when I say it looked exactly like him. It could have been him. Maybe at some point he needed some extra money...I don't know.
Naturally I couldn't keep this disturbing thought to myself. First I told Gloria. Who is not subtle about anything. She let out a sound that was less like a dying parrot and more like a parrot that is being strangled but it keeps fighting to breathe and squawk for help. And she let it keep going. I walked away and told the others that Gloria was having a seizure. Other reactions included "you just ruined my day" and "I was going to have lunch but now I'm not hungry".
All in all a success I'd say. I can't suffer alone.
Happy Friday all! Cheer for Holland on Sunday! Hup Holland Hup!
PS Angela- be safe on Sunday! Being Dutch in Madrid can go one of 2 ways...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Incompetence Makes The World Go Round
Today we are going to discuss incompetence. Professionally and generally. Why? Because its hot out and my tolerance for heat, my ability to be happy, tops out at 25 degrees. What do you want from me? I'm from Holland. Where the f*ck you from? (by the way, that's not me being rude, thats the title of a song. A great song. So its me being cheeky)
So incompetence. It makes the world go round doesn't it? Because if everyone else were as competent as you and me, what need would there be for folks like us?
It really burns my a$$ to have to work with incompetent people. Especially when those people make more money than I do. It begs the question: who's running things around here? For the answer to that question you need only look at who is actually running the show and you will most likely find that its more incompetence. Because if competent people were in charge, performance evaluations would get done on time, raises would go through, benefits would be in place immediately and you wouldn't spend at least half your day pulling out your hair.
And then where would we be?
Let's face it. If everyone were competent to do their jobs, we wouldn't know what to do with ourselves! How much of your workday is taken up by completing tasks other people didn't finish? Or taking on projects that your co-worker is too "stacked" to complete (incidentally, last time I checked "stacked" didn't mean that you were too busy...)? Exactly. How often do you find yourself making excuses for someone else's deficiencies like "well its really busy in here today" or "he's really young"? When can we stop making excuses for those that cannot do and just tell them to smarten up and get sh*t done already?
I will give you some examples. Because I? Love examples.
Let's say that you have been at your present job for about 6 months, and your probationary period is over. Let's say that in the past 6 months you have taken on the work of 2 people because you were short staffed but that you're not a pushover and the time has come to address the workload, hours and pay scale (since you're doing the work of at least 2 people, a pay adjustment should probably be made). Your manager is supposed to be the one initiating a discussion about the end of your probation, but since he hasn't, you do.
Does your manager:
a) Tell you that of course he hasn't forgotten and did you want to do that today? Nothing to worry about, just a formality of course!
b) Tell you that you passed, and he wants to go over everything with you but he's leaving on vacation and unfortunately it will have to wait until he is back. He's sorry for putting you out.
c) Tell you that he's going on vacation for 2 weeks after this week and it will have to wait until he's back.
If you guessed C, you work in an office! I would congratulate you, but it depresses me too.
It would take way too much of your manager's time to just tell you that you passed your probationary period. How can you make such demands of his VIP time? You will just have to keep doing the work of 2 people and wait until he gets back. Because he is a manager, and that's how he rolls.
Let's say that your company is going to be laying off everyone in your department. The staff probably has a lot of questions about the kind of severance that will be paid out, timing, benefit limitations etc. Why would the company have a pow wow with the managers about all of these issues before the managers lay everything out for the staff? How does that make sense? They can't possibly know what kinds of questions people will ask. They aren't psychic. The managers will just have to do their best at looking like they know what they are talking about and hope that the actual policies back them up when they check them out later. Duh.
Finally, you recently bought an apartment so the one you're renting now needs to be shown and rented out again. The property management company lets you know the day before that the next evening they will be showing the place at 5.30. At 5.25 on the day, the rep comes to the door, all nervous and fidgety-like I think he's trying to tell you that he's come up without the people just to see if you are home or not. And he will go downstairs and wait for them now. I think that's what he's saying. Its hard to know for sure- his wrinkled blazer, turned in collar, untucked shirt and unshaven straggly face are kind of distracting.
Ten minutes go by without the reappearance of the disheveled rep. Finally another knock on the door announces the arrival of 3 girls and a guy, clearly students. No rep. They say they are sorry they are late for the 5.15 showing (what 5.15 showing?) and can they see the place now? Uh, aren't you kids missing the guy who's showing the place? He's waiting in the lobby but they didn't see him. The lobby is the size of a closet. You cannot miss another person waiting there. And how did you get onto this floor without a fob? They leave to find the rep. Come back, rep in tow, you leave to wait outside (relishing the opportunity to make this showing awkward) and the rep turns and asks you if he should lock up. Yeah, you're not going anywhere. Its not a big apartment, you can probably see it all in 5 minutes. So no, you don't need to lock it up (imagine you trusted him with your home security?).
Just before they disappear inside, the rep turns to you again and asks if they can see the bedrooms?
No. They can't. They must decide if they want the apartment based solely on the common areas.
You wait outside for 5, 10, 15 minutes. Start to wonder if they got lost in your 20 room mansion.
Finally, they are done. As the students leave, one turns and asks if the unit is air conditioned? Are you serious? You realize you live in Vancouver right? Not Miami? That hallways might be air conditioned but units rarely are? That this is actually a rainforest? Winter Olympics were held here?
I worry for the future.
I don't think we need to discuss the round of 20 questions with the rep after the students left about all the things that went wrong with the apartment when it was first lived in. You guys don't talk to each other? Have files you can look this stuff up in?
On the bright side, if he can get a proper job, that means that I shouldn't really have any difficulty doesn't it?
Incompetence ladies and gentlemen. It makes the world go round.
So incompetence. It makes the world go round doesn't it? Because if everyone else were as competent as you and me, what need would there be for folks like us?
It really burns my a$$ to have to work with incompetent people. Especially when those people make more money than I do. It begs the question: who's running things around here? For the answer to that question you need only look at who is actually running the show and you will most likely find that its more incompetence. Because if competent people were in charge, performance evaluations would get done on time, raises would go through, benefits would be in place immediately and you wouldn't spend at least half your day pulling out your hair.
And then where would we be?
Let's face it. If everyone were competent to do their jobs, we wouldn't know what to do with ourselves! How much of your workday is taken up by completing tasks other people didn't finish? Or taking on projects that your co-worker is too "stacked" to complete (incidentally, last time I checked "stacked" didn't mean that you were too busy...)? Exactly. How often do you find yourself making excuses for someone else's deficiencies like "well its really busy in here today" or "he's really young"? When can we stop making excuses for those that cannot do and just tell them to smarten up and get sh*t done already?
I will give you some examples. Because I? Love examples.
Let's say that you have been at your present job for about 6 months, and your probationary period is over. Let's say that in the past 6 months you have taken on the work of 2 people because you were short staffed but that you're not a pushover and the time has come to address the workload, hours and pay scale (since you're doing the work of at least 2 people, a pay adjustment should probably be made). Your manager is supposed to be the one initiating a discussion about the end of your probation, but since he hasn't, you do.
Does your manager:
a) Tell you that of course he hasn't forgotten and did you want to do that today? Nothing to worry about, just a formality of course!
b) Tell you that you passed, and he wants to go over everything with you but he's leaving on vacation and unfortunately it will have to wait until he is back. He's sorry for putting you out.
c) Tell you that he's going on vacation for 2 weeks after this week and it will have to wait until he's back.
If you guessed C, you work in an office! I would congratulate you, but it depresses me too.
It would take way too much of your manager's time to just tell you that you passed your probationary period. How can you make such demands of his VIP time? You will just have to keep doing the work of 2 people and wait until he gets back. Because he is a manager, and that's how he rolls.
Let's say that your company is going to be laying off everyone in your department. The staff probably has a lot of questions about the kind of severance that will be paid out, timing, benefit limitations etc. Why would the company have a pow wow with the managers about all of these issues before the managers lay everything out for the staff? How does that make sense? They can't possibly know what kinds of questions people will ask. They aren't psychic. The managers will just have to do their best at looking like they know what they are talking about and hope that the actual policies back them up when they check them out later. Duh.
Finally, you recently bought an apartment so the one you're renting now needs to be shown and rented out again. The property management company lets you know the day before that the next evening they will be showing the place at 5.30. At 5.25 on the day, the rep comes to the door, all nervous and fidgety-like I think he's trying to tell you that he's come up without the people just to see if you are home or not. And he will go downstairs and wait for them now. I think that's what he's saying. Its hard to know for sure- his wrinkled blazer, turned in collar, untucked shirt and unshaven straggly face are kind of distracting.
Ten minutes go by without the reappearance of the disheveled rep. Finally another knock on the door announces the arrival of 3 girls and a guy, clearly students. No rep. They say they are sorry they are late for the 5.15 showing (what 5.15 showing?) and can they see the place now? Uh, aren't you kids missing the guy who's showing the place? He's waiting in the lobby but they didn't see him. The lobby is the size of a closet. You cannot miss another person waiting there. And how did you get onto this floor without a fob? They leave to find the rep. Come back, rep in tow, you leave to wait outside (relishing the opportunity to make this showing awkward) and the rep turns and asks you if he should lock up. Yeah, you're not going anywhere. Its not a big apartment, you can probably see it all in 5 minutes. So no, you don't need to lock it up (imagine you trusted him with your home security?).
Just before they disappear inside, the rep turns to you again and asks if they can see the bedrooms?
No. They can't. They must decide if they want the apartment based solely on the common areas.
You wait outside for 5, 10, 15 minutes. Start to wonder if they got lost in your 20 room mansion.
Finally, they are done. As the students leave, one turns and asks if the unit is air conditioned? Are you serious? You realize you live in Vancouver right? Not Miami? That hallways might be air conditioned but units rarely are? That this is actually a rainforest? Winter Olympics were held here?
I worry for the future.
I don't think we need to discuss the round of 20 questions with the rep after the students left about all the things that went wrong with the apartment when it was first lived in. You guys don't talk to each other? Have files you can look this stuff up in?
On the bright side, if he can get a proper job, that means that I shouldn't really have any difficulty doesn't it?
Incompetence ladies and gentlemen. It makes the world go round.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
A Little More Oomph Please
I had been here all of 20 minutes when 2 colleages and I were told to get to work. It was our own fault. We forgot that we were at work where talking and laughter are strictly forbidden.
I just hope that its not going to be one of those days. I have just gotten over the fact that Amy moved me next to her, managed to make some kind of peace with her over her desire to keep me under her thumb and now she tells me to effectively shut up and get on with it. Do I want to punch her in the face? Do I care?
Its funny-- as soon as they gave us a concrete end date, explained the severance etc., none of us have any focus left to carry on with our work. We've all kind of given up. We still look like we're working, but talk to any one here and they will tell you that they haven't been able to get anything done all week because their concentration's been shot to sh*t.
After we had our meeting on Monday, the Temps were told that while we were being kept on until September 30th, their last day would be August 31st. We have already experienced our first Temp casualty- her last day is today. I don't blame her, I envy her her quick exit. But they don't get severance... So in an email announcing this to everyone, Amy decides that its the perfect time to also let us all know that Veronica is still having a wonderful time in South Africa and will be back in 2 weeks.
Yippee.
Anna tried to bet me that Veronica would come back with a vuvuzela to keep on her desk. I refused to take the bet because I would lose. Obviously she is coming back with a vuvuzela. How else would she possibly be able to explain to us civilians how awesome the World Cup in South Africa was?
Then Anna added a most gruesome image- Veronica coming back in a Netherlands jersey. I will literally have a sh*t fit if she comes back sporting my national colours.
While we are on the subject of the World Cup, how about those Dutch?!? It hasn't totally sunk in yet that I'm actually watching my team go all the way to the finals. Its obviously never happened in my lifetime. Its incredible! Nervously anticipating who it will be that will join them- I'm really hoping its Spain but that clearly means it will be Germany. Although, according to a psychic octopus Spain will defeat Germany.
The Final is on Sunday and I'm left wondering: what the hell am I going to talk to my co-workers about when its done??
Its served as a way to bond, this World Cup. I even went to the pub with a few co-workers to watch the Netherlands beat Uruguay yesterday (although seriously Holland, play better on Sunday. Stecklenburg? Van Persie? I'm looking at you. Don't worry, I still believe in you, just a little more oomph please. And what was with that ending?? I still don't know exactly what happened!).
But if you don't have a team in the World Cup, haven't had a team in the World Cup ever, you don't know what its like. You may think its all fun and games and everyone is having a laugh, but you would be wrong. Its national pride that's on the line, bragging rights, a place in history. It is not to be taken lightly. There is this one guy in my office that cheers for whoever seems to be winning, came along to the pub yesterday, sort of cheered for Oranje and when they won, as we were walking back started talking about how that was as far as they were going to go.
Come on man, they just won. Like 5 minuntes ago. You can't let me enjoy this? I'm not allowed to celebrate that my team is going to the World Cup Finals for the first time since 1978 for even 5 minutes? Are you serious? Why did you even come? I don't want your half a$$ energy around my team! He's at home today, leisurely watching the game. Bastard.
Anyway, thats about all that I have for you today. I know, I will try to stop leading such a riveting life.
Oh oh OH! And Lindsay Lohan is going to jail! I know I should feel bad for her but I so don't. Yesterday was like, the perfect day!
I just hope that its not going to be one of those days. I have just gotten over the fact that Amy moved me next to her, managed to make some kind of peace with her over her desire to keep me under her thumb and now she tells me to effectively shut up and get on with it. Do I want to punch her in the face? Do I care?
Its funny-- as soon as they gave us a concrete end date, explained the severance etc., none of us have any focus left to carry on with our work. We've all kind of given up. We still look like we're working, but talk to any one here and they will tell you that they haven't been able to get anything done all week because their concentration's been shot to sh*t.
After we had our meeting on Monday, the Temps were told that while we were being kept on until September 30th, their last day would be August 31st. We have already experienced our first Temp casualty- her last day is today. I don't blame her, I envy her her quick exit. But they don't get severance... So in an email announcing this to everyone, Amy decides that its the perfect time to also let us all know that Veronica is still having a wonderful time in South Africa and will be back in 2 weeks.
Yippee.
Anna tried to bet me that Veronica would come back with a vuvuzela to keep on her desk. I refused to take the bet because I would lose. Obviously she is coming back with a vuvuzela. How else would she possibly be able to explain to us civilians how awesome the World Cup in South Africa was?
Then Anna added a most gruesome image- Veronica coming back in a Netherlands jersey. I will literally have a sh*t fit if she comes back sporting my national colours.
While we are on the subject of the World Cup, how about those Dutch?!? It hasn't totally sunk in yet that I'm actually watching my team go all the way to the finals. Its obviously never happened in my lifetime. Its incredible! Nervously anticipating who it will be that will join them- I'm really hoping its Spain but that clearly means it will be Germany. Although, according to a psychic octopus Spain will defeat Germany.
The Final is on Sunday and I'm left wondering: what the hell am I going to talk to my co-workers about when its done??
Its served as a way to bond, this World Cup. I even went to the pub with a few co-workers to watch the Netherlands beat Uruguay yesterday (although seriously Holland, play better on Sunday. Stecklenburg? Van Persie? I'm looking at you. Don't worry, I still believe in you, just a little more oomph please. And what was with that ending?? I still don't know exactly what happened!).
But if you don't have a team in the World Cup, haven't had a team in the World Cup ever, you don't know what its like. You may think its all fun and games and everyone is having a laugh, but you would be wrong. Its national pride that's on the line, bragging rights, a place in history. It is not to be taken lightly. There is this one guy in my office that cheers for whoever seems to be winning, came along to the pub yesterday, sort of cheered for Oranje and when they won, as we were walking back started talking about how that was as far as they were going to go.
Come on man, they just won. Like 5 minuntes ago. You can't let me enjoy this? I'm not allowed to celebrate that my team is going to the World Cup Finals for the first time since 1978 for even 5 minutes? Are you serious? Why did you even come? I don't want your half a$$ energy around my team! He's at home today, leisurely watching the game. Bastard.
Anyway, thats about all that I have for you today. I know, I will try to stop leading such a riveting life.
Oh oh OH! And Lindsay Lohan is going to jail! I know I should feel bad for her but I so don't. Yesterday was like, the perfect day!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Gaga
You know what's a really good way to make one's week? Aside from telling them that they only have to get through 86 more days working here?
Tell them that you have tickets to see Lady Gaga and ask if they want to come with.
This is what happened to me yesterday.
Some background.
I love Gaga. I saw her last fall, smaller venue and she is incredible. I loved her before but that show solidified my loyalty for always. When she announced that she was coming back this summer I knew that I needed to get tickets. Except tickets went on sale the day after my birthday and I forgot.
I was devastated. So devastated. The day after my birthday is already my least favourite day of the year (hello? 365 more days til my next birthday? Not cool). Add to that that I didn't get Gaga tickets-- The Boyfriend had to buy me nail polish to pull me out of my funk.
But then yesterday, The Record emailed me to see if I might be interested in maybe going to see Gaga? Its kind of a long, complicated story as to how we got here but there was the need for another person to join them and I am that person.
So I get to see Gaga in August.
You're all writhing around in jealousy aren't you? As you should.
Now some of you (OK one of you, but perhaps some of the rest of you are wondering this also?) asked me if I will still be blogging after September 30th. I can't imagine what the hell I would have to talk about BUT I also can't imagine not blogging anymore so in short, yes I will. We will just have to pretend that I have found things to say that you actually enjoy reading. If I end up unemployed it could get ugly real fast. But who doesn't like reading updates on daytime television?
Consider yourself warned though- bad daytime television is like my crystal meth. Once I start, the whole day is gone and before you know it The Boyfriend has staged an intervention and I'm all screaming and yelling that I don't have a problem and I don't need help.
Hypothetically.
I guess the hope here is that we don't get to that stage. But again, no promises.
Man for a Tuesday I'm in a really good mood. On the one hand, this is refreshing. On the other, it seems like this is the perfect mental climate for the other shoe to drop and for it to be completely devastating.
Yeah I'm not really going anywhere with that...
I'm really looking forward to the big game today- Netherlands vs. Uruguay. Looking forward to it but also a ball of nervous energy, I kind of feel ill. National pride is on the line you guys. I'm going to the pub around the corner for the 2nd half and sent out an email to a select few to join me. I told them if they were going to cheer for Uruguay that the invite was actually null and void. One guy emailed back with "Go Uruguay" and I told him that I would cut him. Like literally cut, with a knife. One girl has just come in showing me her new orange shirt and her orange nails. I have my orange shirt in my bag. Should be fun.
And by fun I mean nail bitingly nerve wracking with a side of clammy hands.
Hup Holland!
PS Gloria- thank you for looking like you're doing some sort of walk of shame by wearing your orange shirt again today. It looks awesome, and not at all like you spent the night at a strange man's house.
Tell them that you have tickets to see Lady Gaga and ask if they want to come with.
This is what happened to me yesterday.
Some background.
I love Gaga. I saw her last fall, smaller venue and she is incredible. I loved her before but that show solidified my loyalty for always. When she announced that she was coming back this summer I knew that I needed to get tickets. Except tickets went on sale the day after my birthday and I forgot.
I was devastated. So devastated. The day after my birthday is already my least favourite day of the year (hello? 365 more days til my next birthday? Not cool). Add to that that I didn't get Gaga tickets-- The Boyfriend had to buy me nail polish to pull me out of my funk.
But then yesterday, The Record emailed me to see if I might be interested in maybe going to see Gaga? Its kind of a long, complicated story as to how we got here but there was the need for another person to join them and I am that person.
So I get to see Gaga in August.
You're all writhing around in jealousy aren't you? As you should.
Now some of you (OK one of you, but perhaps some of the rest of you are wondering this also?) asked me if I will still be blogging after September 30th. I can't imagine what the hell I would have to talk about BUT I also can't imagine not blogging anymore so in short, yes I will. We will just have to pretend that I have found things to say that you actually enjoy reading. If I end up unemployed it could get ugly real fast. But who doesn't like reading updates on daytime television?
Consider yourself warned though- bad daytime television is like my crystal meth. Once I start, the whole day is gone and before you know it The Boyfriend has staged an intervention and I'm all screaming and yelling that I don't have a problem and I don't need help.
Hypothetically.
I guess the hope here is that we don't get to that stage. But again, no promises.
Man for a Tuesday I'm in a really good mood. On the one hand, this is refreshing. On the other, it seems like this is the perfect mental climate for the other shoe to drop and for it to be completely devastating.
Yeah I'm not really going anywhere with that...
I'm really looking forward to the big game today- Netherlands vs. Uruguay. Looking forward to it but also a ball of nervous energy, I kind of feel ill. National pride is on the line you guys. I'm going to the pub around the corner for the 2nd half and sent out an email to a select few to join me. I told them if they were going to cheer for Uruguay that the invite was actually null and void. One guy emailed back with "Go Uruguay" and I told him that I would cut him. Like literally cut, with a knife. One girl has just come in showing me her new orange shirt and her orange nails. I have my orange shirt in my bag. Should be fun.
And by fun I mean nail bitingly nerve wracking with a side of clammy hands.
Hup Holland!
PS Gloria- thank you for looking like you're doing some sort of walk of shame by wearing your orange shirt again today. It looks awesome, and not at all like you spent the night at a strange man's house.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Blah Blah Blah
I managed to get through the entire weekend without thinking about work and the impending 9am Monday morning meeting that was going to happen.
I actually forgot all about it until I got to work this morning and checked my email. There it was, on my calendar, in black and white, staring me in the face. So then I started to panic. Although I'm thrilled that they will effectively be paying me to leave a job that I despise above everything else, its still slightly terrifying. Once I saw that meeting reminder I had trouble breathing. You know that feeling? You're not exerting yourself in any way but you have trouble catching your breath?
In the end I didn't need to worry. The meeting really didn't cover anything that we didn't already know. We now have an end date: September 30th all of this will definitely be over (if I don't end it before).
There were some promises made about all the help that they would offer those of us not continuing on with the company, but it turns out that that help isn't available until the beginning of September. Now we have a lot of Temps (this place has a hard on for Temps) so doesn't it make bottom line sense to keep the Temps working, but encourage the permanent staff to find jobs before they have to pay us severance? Isn't that cheaper? Makes more sense to me. Once again I lament the fact that I'm not in charge around here.
Although I probably should celebrate that fact, given the false gratitude I just witnessed from those d-bags.
The guy in charge (he's not the president, he's in charge of the region?) walked in for 10 minutes and went on about how exciting this all was, how smooth it had gone and how hard we worked, how much he appreciated it all blah blah blah ("Ben's a prick"- you know? From Knocked Up ?). We are not a big office, maybe 30 people. And yet its too difficult for this guy, the one in charge of us all, to learn and remember our names. While he was going on about all that hard work we did and how much he values us I felt like asking him what my name is. Because honestly, if you don't know my name, how much do you really value my contribution? Then Amy reiterated these feelings of gratitude and I just tuned her out. I feel like, in terms of general good will, this was a good decision.
All in all I feel a lot better. I almost feel bad about that list of things to discuss when I quit/leave. Almost. I'm still going to throw Amy, Veronica and John under the bus the first chance I get, but today I felt a twinge of remorse about it. Just a twinge though and I'm sure that the feeling will pass.
Onto bigger, better and orangier things. Tomorrow is that all important semi-final. My boys (the very talented ones wearing orange) will be going up against Uruguay. Since I am confident that no one reading my blog hails from Uruguay, I harness all your energies to cheering for Oranje. You know you want to. You know you want to see Oranje finally hoist that World Cup over their heads, finally walking away from the "Best Team To Never Win The World Cup" moniker forever. First step: beat Uruguay.
I'm sad to say that I will be chained to my desk for the first half (although obviously listening to it online), but feel confident that Oranje will know I'm rooting for them. Second half- I will be going to the pub around the corner, flaunting my Oranje pride for all to see, drinking to their success.
Altogether now: HUP HOLLAND HUP!
Finally, a birthday shout out. Hartelijk Gefeliciteerd met je vejaardag Mama!
I actually forgot all about it until I got to work this morning and checked my email. There it was, on my calendar, in black and white, staring me in the face. So then I started to panic. Although I'm thrilled that they will effectively be paying me to leave a job that I despise above everything else, its still slightly terrifying. Once I saw that meeting reminder I had trouble breathing. You know that feeling? You're not exerting yourself in any way but you have trouble catching your breath?
In the end I didn't need to worry. The meeting really didn't cover anything that we didn't already know. We now have an end date: September 30th all of this will definitely be over (if I don't end it before).
There were some promises made about all the help that they would offer those of us not continuing on with the company, but it turns out that that help isn't available until the beginning of September. Now we have a lot of Temps (this place has a hard on for Temps) so doesn't it make bottom line sense to keep the Temps working, but encourage the permanent staff to find jobs before they have to pay us severance? Isn't that cheaper? Makes more sense to me. Once again I lament the fact that I'm not in charge around here.
Although I probably should celebrate that fact, given the false gratitude I just witnessed from those d-bags.
The guy in charge (he's not the president, he's in charge of the region?) walked in for 10 minutes and went on about how exciting this all was, how smooth it had gone and how hard we worked, how much he appreciated it all blah blah blah ("Ben's a prick"- you know? From Knocked Up ?). We are not a big office, maybe 30 people. And yet its too difficult for this guy, the one in charge of us all, to learn and remember our names. While he was going on about all that hard work we did and how much he values us I felt like asking him what my name is. Because honestly, if you don't know my name, how much do you really value my contribution? Then Amy reiterated these feelings of gratitude and I just tuned her out. I feel like, in terms of general good will, this was a good decision.
All in all I feel a lot better. I almost feel bad about that list of things to discuss when I quit/leave. Almost. I'm still going to throw Amy, Veronica and John under the bus the first chance I get, but today I felt a twinge of remorse about it. Just a twinge though and I'm sure that the feeling will pass.
Onto bigger, better and orangier things. Tomorrow is that all important semi-final. My boys (the very talented ones wearing orange) will be going up against Uruguay. Since I am confident that no one reading my blog hails from Uruguay, I harness all your energies to cheering for Oranje. You know you want to. You know you want to see Oranje finally hoist that World Cup over their heads, finally walking away from the "Best Team To Never Win The World Cup" moniker forever. First step: beat Uruguay.
I'm sad to say that I will be chained to my desk for the first half (although obviously listening to it online), but feel confident that Oranje will know I'm rooting for them. Second half- I will be going to the pub around the corner, flaunting my Oranje pride for all to see, drinking to their success.
Altogether now: HUP HOLLAND HUP!
Finally, a birthday shout out. Hartelijk Gefeliciteerd met je vejaardag Mama!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Oranje Fever
This morning when my alarm clock went I wanted to punch a hole in the wall. Or smash my alarm clock into the wall. Then I remembered that, aside from work, today had the potential to be a very good day.
Or a very very very bad day.
But I had to get up for it. Because my country, my people, my Oranje was playing World Cup juggernaut Brazil. Brazil.
I got to watch the entire first half (because The Boyfriend drove me to work) but it made me want to throw up. We were down 1-0. Against Brazil. I had visions of me crying silently in my cubicle all day, still wearing orange but being mocked by my co-workers for what had been my steadfast belief in my team's abillity to win the whole thing.
But Oranje rallied for me. Oranje knew that this day would be hard. Oranje knew what to do to make it better.
Oranje beat Brazil.
Brazil.
Needless to say I am speechless. I'm stuck in a box at work with Amy, suppressing the urge to drink and scream and cheer and cry. All at the same time.
You know whats a good way to kill my happy buzz Veronica? Call Amy at work and gloat about your f*cking world cup trip. Too bad you were cheering for Chile. Who Brazil beat. Guess who beat Brazil?
Oranje!
I have a headache now. Way too much excitement for a work day. Having to suppress these most natural urges to run and scream and enjoy is not good for the soul. I wish I was in Amsterdam. Mona, Emily- have a drink for me as you drink to Holland's success. I'm with you in spirit.
Have a good weekend everyone. Happy 4th of July to the Americans!
Hup Holland Hup!
Or a very very very bad day.
But I had to get up for it. Because my country, my people, my Oranje was playing World Cup juggernaut Brazil. Brazil.
I got to watch the entire first half (because The Boyfriend drove me to work) but it made me want to throw up. We were down 1-0. Against Brazil. I had visions of me crying silently in my cubicle all day, still wearing orange but being mocked by my co-workers for what had been my steadfast belief in my team's abillity to win the whole thing.
But Oranje rallied for me. Oranje knew that this day would be hard. Oranje knew what to do to make it better.
Oranje beat Brazil.
Brazil.
Needless to say I am speechless. I'm stuck in a box at work with Amy, suppressing the urge to drink and scream and cheer and cry. All at the same time.
You know whats a good way to kill my happy buzz Veronica? Call Amy at work and gloat about your f*cking world cup trip. Too bad you were cheering for Chile. Who Brazil beat. Guess who beat Brazil?
Oranje!
I have a headache now. Way too much excitement for a work day. Having to suppress these most natural urges to run and scream and enjoy is not good for the soul. I wish I was in Amsterdam. Mona, Emily- have a drink for me as you drink to Holland's success. I'm with you in spirit.
Have a good weekend everyone. Happy 4th of July to the Americans!
Hup Holland Hup!
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