Friday is here again!!! Who else is thrilled about that? I know, all of you! Because Fridays are the best. Friday at the end of the day? The best time all week. Why? Because that is the furthest you can possibly get from a Monday.
But Friday aside, the funk is still in the air. People are stressed. Which makes them annoyed. Which makes them lash out. Which causes unpleasantness. Which digs the hole deeper. We'll never get out.
But there is light. A glimmer. Tonight (tomorrow night?) there is a huge jackpot up for grabs. Biggest in Canadian history. Which when compared to the mammoth American jackpots is nothing, but we're simpler folks, we don't need as much? Please join me in keeping your fingers crossed that I will win the lottery and I can quit this place.
Veronica is on the phone, with what I can only assume to be a rep. This rep has been away for a while. With Swine Flu. Pardon me, H1N1. Yay confirmed case in our office system. I sure hope they were up here for training in the days before they got sick.
Please let me win the lottery.
In all seriousness, people are dropping like flies around here. While I'm sure most of them are suffering from the common cold, or a regular flu, people are freaking out and my nostrils are starting to burn from the pungent aroma of hand sanitizer. I hate the smell of that stuff. I'm no doctor, but I'm fairly certain that the only thing that hand sanitizer accomplishes is dry skin on your hands. And then you have to muck around with moisturizer and then you get it all over your keyboard and your mouse and everything gets all slimey. No thanks. Call me old fashioned but I prefer good ol' soap and water. So traditional. So effective. So simple.
What else, what else?
I was thinking about office supplies earlier. Don't really know why. Or how. But I was thinking about how office supplies are so exciting initially. How you can walk into your supply cupboard or drawer (we have a drawer, kind of sad) and look around and try to think of uses for all the fun, colourful post-its and highliters, the different pens, pads of paper. Did I mention the post-its? I can't explain why, but I love post-its. Their bright little stacks in so many different colours just astound me. So you pile your arms full of these post-its and highliters, new pens and delightful little pads of paper and you get back to your desk and you start rearranging them, managing to waste a good 20 minutes in the process. And then, the excitement kind of wears off because you realize that most of your work is done on the computer and you don't really have that many uses for concrete office supplies. I rarely highlight anything. Post-its seem to fall off. And pads of paper sit unused all over my desk because nothing noteworthy happens (at least nothing that I would write down and then leave lying around the office).
My office supply buzz has worn off.
Please let me win the lottery.
I'm the office B*tch today. Apparently everyone has made a big mess and it has fallen to me to clean it up. It was hurriedly explained to me (read: not explained to me at all) and then Veronica abandoned me to sit at her four monitors and bask in supermonster glory. She is not available to answer questions because she is very busy and important (busy basking) and when I do manage to sneak a question past her she sighs really loudly, pauses for effect and then answers with such exasperation in her voice, to make it really clear that she thinks I am an imbecile.
Please please PLEASE let me win the lottery.
What to cap off this randomness with? I'm ashamed of my randomness just so you know. I like there to be a certain flow to my posts. Sometimes that just isn't possible. I hope that this won't deter you from coming back again. I like knowing that you're reading. I feel bad some days when I don't post (like when I am at home sick). Or if I post late, I feel bad then too. But the randomness. Its shameful. It doesn't make sense, its not particularly funny, or insightful. It just happens. And I'm sorry.
It felt like a herd of elephants just ran through the office. I'm not sure what is so important that Veronica needs to run through the office, but I'm not a supermonster so I can't possibly understand. But why the running. Fast walking doesn't work? Running seems more professional? I can see how one makes that mistake, as nothing screams professionalism quite like the sounds of someone tearing through the office with lead feet.
Please oh please let me win the lottery. I promise I will still blog about it. But it will be about how fabulous my life is sans working. And about how I won the lottery. You will love reading about all the things that I will do with my winnings.
Fingers crossed for me! Enjoy the weekend. Hopefully when you return on Monday it will be to read the tale of how I quit my job here. Wouldn't that be the best present of all?
PS Kim Kardashian is house shopping with her on-again BF. This makes me happy. Against my better judgment I like Kim. I want her to be happy. When I win the lottery, Kim and I will be BFFs.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
A Cautionary Tale
Something rotten is in the air today. And for once it isn't Maurice's breakfast. But it is making everybody grumpy and surly and generally unpleasant.
I can't totally blame anyone here for being in a pissy mood. I mean, we all do work here. And it sucks here a lot. And its another beautiful rainy, windy, dark West Coast morning. That impacts one's mood rather severely. Unless of course you are still a) tucked cozily in your bed or b) on the couch with a warm blanket, a book and a cup of tea. God that sounds good right now. I would take a) or b).
But no. I braved the winds and the cold and the rain to be here this morning. Can't say the same for the me yesterday that preferred to stay cozy at home. With a migraine. But still. Not here.
So I was braving the elements and arrived here. And immediately any fragment of a good mood that I was building while I lost myself in the pages of Little Women (how is that for a book that makes you want to appreciate everything that you have and try to be good?) was lost. Just like that I was swept up in the surly, crusty emotions that everyone else seems to be harbouring.
I think its partly all the Temp tension. They have no idea what is happening from week to week and some of them are getting downright rude. I'm really only thinking of one. The Wiccan. Normally a sweet girl but this week has lost all sense of manners and has finally unleashed her fury on anyone who has the misfortune to cross her path. It really was only a matter of time, but I am sad for her. Sad that she doesn't realize that we are technically all on the same team (Team F U Reps) and sad that she has become so embittered at the ripe old age of 20. Barely 20 no less.
I also think all this discontent is partly to do with the weather. No matter where you live, weather is a big topic of conversation. If you don't have anything to talk about with a person, how about that weather? I happen to live in a city that is the laughing stock of the country for our "mild" (not to us!) winters. Furthermore, while other city's weathercasters seem to be able to predict what the weather is going to do day to day, here they have no idea. I don't know if its because they are incompetent or because the weather changes so quickly they can't keep up but I hate when they tell you its going to be beautiful and it rains. Or that it will be raining, not to plan anything outdoors, and magically you get gorgeous sunshine. Admittedly we have been spoiled with an unusually long, warm and sunshiney fall. I think thats what makes it so difficult to face the endless months of rain that are now in store for us. Maybe we will get lucky and it will snow? HA! You have no idea what happens to a city that's not used to snow when it snows 1cm. Buses are late, cars crash, people fall--the whole city basically comes to a grinding halt. So please, don't wish snow on us.
Finally, I think that all of us are just plain sick and tired of working here. I think we might have all gotten to a point where we realized that we are 24 (most of us are) and working here. I earned my degree (I finally got it this year) and I make less than it cost me to get it. I really don't care if anything gets done today because guess what? It will all still be here tomorrow.
OK I'm going to come clean. I have job envy. Sort of. I watched that Obama campaign documentary last night and I gotta say, I wish I had a job that made me cry like the campaign workers. Obviously that was a once in a lifetime experience and there won't be an opportunity like that in my life time (and I'm Canadian. So politically...that probably won't ever happen. Like ever) BUT I would settle for a job where I am happy to come to work and happy to see my co-workers. Where we could work towards a common goal and be proud of our efforts at the end of the day. The movie should have filled me with hope (and it did for the state of the world etc) but mostly it filled me with despair that I work here.
So I decided to come to work today and take it out on people.
Before I leave you to dive into this impressive stockpile of candy on my desk (I mean work...), I will tell you one more thing that makes this place so unbearable. There is this guy, we shall just refer to him as SF. He's a larger fellow. A mouth breather. Has an unsettling habit of walking into a room, standing in the middle for about 2 minutes and then walking back out again. Or standing behind you and breathing. Maybe smelling hair I don't know (don't want to know). Anyway. There is a file cabinet behind me that everyone uses. And the other day, right before I went home I turned around to find SF bending down to the lowest drawer, full a** crack exposed. (I'm sorry I shared, Mom)
I wish I was exaggerating when I tell you that I almost puked. I did gag a few times. And even now the image is so clearly burned onto my brain that I wake up in the middle of the night, covered in sweat asking why this happened to me. So why did I share it? Because I feel like I shouldn't be the only one to suffer. And also to serve as a cautionary tale? Maybe more the first one.
And finally- did you all look at Google today? Cookie Monster! That kind of makes up for hairy a** crack (yeah not even close, I thought if I wrote it, it would make it true. It didn't).
I have a headache. Way too much excitement for one morning.
I can't totally blame anyone here for being in a pissy mood. I mean, we all do work here. And it sucks here a lot. And its another beautiful rainy, windy, dark West Coast morning. That impacts one's mood rather severely. Unless of course you are still a) tucked cozily in your bed or b) on the couch with a warm blanket, a book and a cup of tea. God that sounds good right now. I would take a) or b).
But no. I braved the winds and the cold and the rain to be here this morning. Can't say the same for the me yesterday that preferred to stay cozy at home. With a migraine. But still. Not here.
So I was braving the elements and arrived here. And immediately any fragment of a good mood that I was building while I lost myself in the pages of Little Women (how is that for a book that makes you want to appreciate everything that you have and try to be good?) was lost. Just like that I was swept up in the surly, crusty emotions that everyone else seems to be harbouring.
I think its partly all the Temp tension. They have no idea what is happening from week to week and some of them are getting downright rude. I'm really only thinking of one. The Wiccan. Normally a sweet girl but this week has lost all sense of manners and has finally unleashed her fury on anyone who has the misfortune to cross her path. It really was only a matter of time, but I am sad for her. Sad that she doesn't realize that we are technically all on the same team (Team F U Reps) and sad that she has become so embittered at the ripe old age of 20. Barely 20 no less.
I also think all this discontent is partly to do with the weather. No matter where you live, weather is a big topic of conversation. If you don't have anything to talk about with a person, how about that weather? I happen to live in a city that is the laughing stock of the country for our "mild" (not to us!) winters. Furthermore, while other city's weathercasters seem to be able to predict what the weather is going to do day to day, here they have no idea. I don't know if its because they are incompetent or because the weather changes so quickly they can't keep up but I hate when they tell you its going to be beautiful and it rains. Or that it will be raining, not to plan anything outdoors, and magically you get gorgeous sunshine. Admittedly we have been spoiled with an unusually long, warm and sunshiney fall. I think thats what makes it so difficult to face the endless months of rain that are now in store for us. Maybe we will get lucky and it will snow? HA! You have no idea what happens to a city that's not used to snow when it snows 1cm. Buses are late, cars crash, people fall--the whole city basically comes to a grinding halt. So please, don't wish snow on us.
Finally, I think that all of us are just plain sick and tired of working here. I think we might have all gotten to a point where we realized that we are 24 (most of us are) and working here. I earned my degree (I finally got it this year) and I make less than it cost me to get it. I really don't care if anything gets done today because guess what? It will all still be here tomorrow.
OK I'm going to come clean. I have job envy. Sort of. I watched that Obama campaign documentary last night and I gotta say, I wish I had a job that made me cry like the campaign workers. Obviously that was a once in a lifetime experience and there won't be an opportunity like that in my life time (and I'm Canadian. So politically...that probably won't ever happen. Like ever) BUT I would settle for a job where I am happy to come to work and happy to see my co-workers. Where we could work towards a common goal and be proud of our efforts at the end of the day. The movie should have filled me with hope (and it did for the state of the world etc) but mostly it filled me with despair that I work here.
So I decided to come to work today and take it out on people.
Before I leave you to dive into this impressive stockpile of candy on my desk (I mean work...), I will tell you one more thing that makes this place so unbearable. There is this guy, we shall just refer to him as SF. He's a larger fellow. A mouth breather. Has an unsettling habit of walking into a room, standing in the middle for about 2 minutes and then walking back out again. Or standing behind you and breathing. Maybe smelling hair I don't know (don't want to know). Anyway. There is a file cabinet behind me that everyone uses. And the other day, right before I went home I turned around to find SF bending down to the lowest drawer, full a** crack exposed. (I'm sorry I shared, Mom)
I wish I was exaggerating when I tell you that I almost puked. I did gag a few times. And even now the image is so clearly burned onto my brain that I wake up in the middle of the night, covered in sweat asking why this happened to me. So why did I share it? Because I feel like I shouldn't be the only one to suffer. And also to serve as a cautionary tale? Maybe more the first one.
And finally- did you all look at Google today? Cookie Monster! That kind of makes up for hairy a** crack (yeah not even close, I thought if I wrote it, it would make it true. It didn't).
I have a headache. Way too much excitement for one morning.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I Should Have Stayed At Home
Well Boys and Girls, I have been in the office for a whopping 20 minutes and already I'm wishing that I stayed at home. I have a feeling that this could be an angry post. If you don't want me to kill your good mood, I would suggest coming back tomorrow.
OK, for those brave souls that decided to stick around, let's get into it.
I work with a bunch of imbeciles. I don't know where they found these inbred morons but for some reason the powers that be saw fit to promote them and give them more money. So that they could do what exactly? Mess things up with less accountability?
What is it about being in management that allows you to float around the office completely unaccountable for anything that you do? Are managers promoted because they do less harm when they are paid more to do less? Is it a way of keeping the dimwits out of the way? Seriously.
Yesterday I was told to get through as many products as I could, send as many out to the customers as possible. So I did 64. Doesn't sound like a lot but its fairly respectable. When I send things out to customers, there is generally a letter explaining what exactly is going on. We have set letters for certain situations because it saves time when the computer generates all the appropriate information for us. This way we don't waste time looking for all the pertinant information and it also cuts down (in theory) on spelling and grammar errors.
But of courses these standardized letters need to be created by someone.
For reasons never made clear to me (why would they be? I'm just an insignificant underling) Turd Fergason was entrusted with this job.Turd just...he makes me angry. He has an annoying laugh, he's a consultant (so he makes like 3 times as much money as me) and I can't for the life of me understand what it is that he gets paid so much money to do.
But I digress.
Turd Fergason is responsible for creating all of these letters that are supposed to make my life easier. Except that he f**ks them up so often that I don't really know why he bothers. I could write the letters faster by hand with all of the mistakes that he has made and all the time that he has cost me.
So I sent out 64 letters yesterday that explained what was enclosed was "for to your review".
This morning Veronica brings one back and points out my error. Tells me that I should be checking my work to make sure that mistakes like this don't happen.
OK, wait, I'm sorry but I need a Time Out. The point of those letters is to save me time not looking over each letter. I check over the names, make sure the address is correct but the actual body of letter? Not my problem. That's Turd's department. So Turd made the mistake. Which cost me time. And a lecture.
But oh- and this is the best part- I may need to correct them all.
I don't think I need to tell you how I feel about this. I think you can probably tell. Super impressed. I'm hoping that Amy vetoes Veronica's dumb-a**-ness. If anyone should be making these corrections its Turd. Or at least side with me that Turd is an idiot and apologize for making me redo them.
I still haven't heard which way this is going to go. I'm hoping that Amy will just send them out in light of the fact that we are all so behind. Again.
And we're losing a member of our team. Its not someone that I have ever mentioned, namely because he's not a dumba** and he keeps his head down and works. We shall call him Dustin. He works hard, he's a nice guy and he was so thoroughly unhappy here and in the city that he is moving home all the way to the other side of the world. He could not get far enough away. I feel that.
And while we are all going to miss him and the work that he ploughs through, this does open up a position to move one of the Temps into. A permanent full time position, with benefits and sick days.
What's that? They aren't going to move a Temp into that position? Well what are they going to do with it it then?
Hire someone new.
Of course.
So while the Temps get their balls busted for coming in sick, while they are strung along so that the company can figure out if they can hire them on, we'll just hire a brand new person who doesn't know how to do anything and give them benefits and sick days. And a salary. Yeah, that does make a whole lot of sense. My idea sucks. Why would you want to reward someone who has worked hard for over a year, knows how to do everything and has proven themselves to be reliable and a team player? That's crazy talk.
Do you all see what happens when John is here? As soon as he comes back, drama and anger explodes all over this little cubicle I call home. Unfairness lurks at every turn and if you're not careful, there's a good chance that you will trip over some hypocrisy.
I hate this place. I am jealous that Dustin got to quit. I also watched Bridget Jones' Diary the other night and I swear I got a contact high from that part where she tells Daniel Cleaver and her old job where to shove it.
In a Cubicle World there really is nothing like the bottom line.
OK, for those brave souls that decided to stick around, let's get into it.
I work with a bunch of imbeciles. I don't know where they found these inbred morons but for some reason the powers that be saw fit to promote them and give them more money. So that they could do what exactly? Mess things up with less accountability?
What is it about being in management that allows you to float around the office completely unaccountable for anything that you do? Are managers promoted because they do less harm when they are paid more to do less? Is it a way of keeping the dimwits out of the way? Seriously.
Yesterday I was told to get through as many products as I could, send as many out to the customers as possible. So I did 64. Doesn't sound like a lot but its fairly respectable. When I send things out to customers, there is generally a letter explaining what exactly is going on. We have set letters for certain situations because it saves time when the computer generates all the appropriate information for us. This way we don't waste time looking for all the pertinant information and it also cuts down (in theory) on spelling and grammar errors.
But of courses these standardized letters need to be created by someone.
For reasons never made clear to me (why would they be? I'm just an insignificant underling) Turd Fergason was entrusted with this job.Turd just...he makes me angry. He has an annoying laugh, he's a consultant (so he makes like 3 times as much money as me) and I can't for the life of me understand what it is that he gets paid so much money to do.
But I digress.
Turd Fergason is responsible for creating all of these letters that are supposed to make my life easier. Except that he f**ks them up so often that I don't really know why he bothers. I could write the letters faster by hand with all of the mistakes that he has made and all the time that he has cost me.
So I sent out 64 letters yesterday that explained what was enclosed was "for to your review".
This morning Veronica brings one back and points out my error. Tells me that I should be checking my work to make sure that mistakes like this don't happen.
OK, wait, I'm sorry but I need a Time Out. The point of those letters is to save me time not looking over each letter. I check over the names, make sure the address is correct but the actual body of letter? Not my problem. That's Turd's department. So Turd made the mistake. Which cost me time. And a lecture.
But oh- and this is the best part- I may need to correct them all.
I don't think I need to tell you how I feel about this. I think you can probably tell. Super impressed. I'm hoping that Amy vetoes Veronica's dumb-a**-ness. If anyone should be making these corrections its Turd. Or at least side with me that Turd is an idiot and apologize for making me redo them.
I still haven't heard which way this is going to go. I'm hoping that Amy will just send them out in light of the fact that we are all so behind. Again.
And we're losing a member of our team. Its not someone that I have ever mentioned, namely because he's not a dumba** and he keeps his head down and works. We shall call him Dustin. He works hard, he's a nice guy and he was so thoroughly unhappy here and in the city that he is moving home all the way to the other side of the world. He could not get far enough away. I feel that.
And while we are all going to miss him and the work that he ploughs through, this does open up a position to move one of the Temps into. A permanent full time position, with benefits and sick days.
What's that? They aren't going to move a Temp into that position? Well what are they going to do with it it then?
Hire someone new.
Of course.
So while the Temps get their balls busted for coming in sick, while they are strung along so that the company can figure out if they can hire them on, we'll just hire a brand new person who doesn't know how to do anything and give them benefits and sick days. And a salary. Yeah, that does make a whole lot of sense. My idea sucks. Why would you want to reward someone who has worked hard for over a year, knows how to do everything and has proven themselves to be reliable and a team player? That's crazy talk.
Do you all see what happens when John is here? As soon as he comes back, drama and anger explodes all over this little cubicle I call home. Unfairness lurks at every turn and if you're not careful, there's a good chance that you will trip over some hypocrisy.
I hate this place. I am jealous that Dustin got to quit. I also watched Bridget Jones' Diary the other night and I swear I got a contact high from that part where she tells Daniel Cleaver and her old job where to shove it.
In a Cubicle World there really is nothing like the bottom line.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Fall-Back Backlash
Who doesn't love a Fall Back weekend?
Ok actually I can think of some people that would hate a Fall Back weekend- like perhaps those folks that work night shifts, police officers, nurses and firefighters come to mind. And can you imagine working a night shift on Halloween that is also Fall Back? That would be a nightmare.
But for the rest of us, Fall Back is like a gift. The gift of time. And really, that's the best gift of all because there is never enough time to do anything. But an extra hour? That's amazing. You can use it to sleep, to run extra errands, to go for a hike, to watch a movie, to do laundry, to have a nice dinner.
Whatever you want.
Incidentally, I did all of those things yesterday with my extra hour. It was the longest, greatest Sunday that there ever was. I kept looking at the time, amazed at how early it was and how much time there still was on my weekend. I like to think that I took full advantage.
But now its Monday. And although I was hella greatful for the extra hour's snooze this morning, I am now incurring all kinds of other problems this morning because of it. Not to mention that The Boyfriend decided he was plenty snug in bed and would "go in later today". I hate it because I don't have that kind of freedom and I am accustomed to him getting out of bed before me. Mostly its just jealousy.
But back to the time change issues. Up first is the phone. My office phone, the one that I really rely on to tell me what time it is, is not updated yet. I had a mini heart attack this morning when I got to my desk and it said 9.17. I had to take a moment, step back, look around (almost no one was here, so if I was late, so was everyone else) before finally checking my cell phone and reassuring myself that it was in fact only 8.17 and I was early. Its one of those system phones that I have no way of updating myself because it is hooked up to a network. It's going to mess with me all day because I think its later than it is. Currently it says 10.04 and I'm pretty excited that I have already gotten through an hour and a half of the day.
Yeah, I know. Its only been a half hour. Do you see why this is going to be a problem?
Part of the fun of Fall Back and Spring Forward is mentally you know what time it actually is, for the first few days anyway. When you wake up in the morning you tell yourself, well its actually an hour later than this. Which is awesome. But on the flip side, right now its only 9. I still have a full day to get through and I know that its actually already 10. This is torture of the cruelest kind. Am I really getting an hour back at this rate? I'm not am I? That happens at Spring Forward. But everyone really likes Fall Back better because we are all lazy and hate our jobs and would just prefer to sleep an extra hour.
Fall Back also signals the beginning of November, possibly the drabbest most depressing month of the year. Nothing happens in November, the trees are pretty well bare, there is no spectacular sunshine and blue skies like in October, there are no holidays (I'm in Canada remember?), and the weather sucks. November is basically just a buffer between the harmless pagan celebrations of Halloween (let's face it, you all need some time to recuperate) and the money-hemorraging food-stuffing alcohol-induced- coma that we will all find ourselves in in December. 'Tis the season and all that.
But I suppose that these things pale in comparison to the very worst Monday news of all. John did not die on his cruise, he didn't die of H1N1. He is back at work today, chipper as ever, ready to get in everybody's way. I cannot explain to you the shiver of horror that passed down my spine when I heard it's voice in the corridor. I wanted to cry and scream and yell all at the same time. Perhaps most effective would have been maniacal laughter but I think I used that all up on the weekend, Halloween and such.
OK, positive things about this post- Fall Back Monday. There is candy on my desk that I saved from Friday. So I should be able to get up a mini sugar rush to last until lunch. That will make me hyperactive. For a short while until I crash spectacularly. Can't wait.
I received a salacious text from a friend this morning about a walk-of-shame cab ride (on a Monday no less!) and am anxiously awaiting all the scandalous details in an email.
Next week I have 3 spectacular days off so if I can get through this week, I only have to get through 2 more work days and then I will have 5 glorious days off. That's pretty excellent.
I spent 15 minutes updating the vacation calendar. It's all colourful, has a nice poppy picture on the 11th (I got Veronica in on the action, bonding you know?) and at the end of it: December. And we all like December. Its not a particularly productive time of year, but there is a lot of alcohol and parties and I like both of those things.
Look at that, I ended on a high note. Kodak moment people.
Actually I think all the positivity has given me a headache. Way too much effort for a Monday.
Ok actually I can think of some people that would hate a Fall Back weekend- like perhaps those folks that work night shifts, police officers, nurses and firefighters come to mind. And can you imagine working a night shift on Halloween that is also Fall Back? That would be a nightmare.
But for the rest of us, Fall Back is like a gift. The gift of time. And really, that's the best gift of all because there is never enough time to do anything. But an extra hour? That's amazing. You can use it to sleep, to run extra errands, to go for a hike, to watch a movie, to do laundry, to have a nice dinner.
Whatever you want.
Incidentally, I did all of those things yesterday with my extra hour. It was the longest, greatest Sunday that there ever was. I kept looking at the time, amazed at how early it was and how much time there still was on my weekend. I like to think that I took full advantage.
But now its Monday. And although I was hella greatful for the extra hour's snooze this morning, I am now incurring all kinds of other problems this morning because of it. Not to mention that The Boyfriend decided he was plenty snug in bed and would "go in later today". I hate it because I don't have that kind of freedom and I am accustomed to him getting out of bed before me. Mostly its just jealousy.
But back to the time change issues. Up first is the phone. My office phone, the one that I really rely on to tell me what time it is, is not updated yet. I had a mini heart attack this morning when I got to my desk and it said 9.17. I had to take a moment, step back, look around (almost no one was here, so if I was late, so was everyone else) before finally checking my cell phone and reassuring myself that it was in fact only 8.17 and I was early. Its one of those system phones that I have no way of updating myself because it is hooked up to a network. It's going to mess with me all day because I think its later than it is. Currently it says 10.04 and I'm pretty excited that I have already gotten through an hour and a half of the day.
Yeah, I know. Its only been a half hour. Do you see why this is going to be a problem?
Part of the fun of Fall Back and Spring Forward is mentally you know what time it actually is, for the first few days anyway. When you wake up in the morning you tell yourself, well its actually an hour later than this. Which is awesome. But on the flip side, right now its only 9. I still have a full day to get through and I know that its actually already 10. This is torture of the cruelest kind. Am I really getting an hour back at this rate? I'm not am I? That happens at Spring Forward. But everyone really likes Fall Back better because we are all lazy and hate our jobs and would just prefer to sleep an extra hour.
Fall Back also signals the beginning of November, possibly the drabbest most depressing month of the year. Nothing happens in November, the trees are pretty well bare, there is no spectacular sunshine and blue skies like in October, there are no holidays (I'm in Canada remember?), and the weather sucks. November is basically just a buffer between the harmless pagan celebrations of Halloween (let's face it, you all need some time to recuperate) and the money-hemorraging food-stuffing alcohol-induced- coma that we will all find ourselves in in December. 'Tis the season and all that.
But I suppose that these things pale in comparison to the very worst Monday news of all. John did not die on his cruise, he didn't die of H1N1. He is back at work today, chipper as ever, ready to get in everybody's way. I cannot explain to you the shiver of horror that passed down my spine when I heard it's voice in the corridor. I wanted to cry and scream and yell all at the same time. Perhaps most effective would have been maniacal laughter but I think I used that all up on the weekend, Halloween and such.
OK, positive things about this post- Fall Back Monday. There is candy on my desk that I saved from Friday. So I should be able to get up a mini sugar rush to last until lunch. That will make me hyperactive. For a short while until I crash spectacularly. Can't wait.
I received a salacious text from a friend this morning about a walk-of-shame cab ride (on a Monday no less!) and am anxiously awaiting all the scandalous details in an email.
Next week I have 3 spectacular days off so if I can get through this week, I only have to get through 2 more work days and then I will have 5 glorious days off. That's pretty excellent.
I spent 15 minutes updating the vacation calendar. It's all colourful, has a nice poppy picture on the 11th (I got Veronica in on the action, bonding you know?) and at the end of it: December. And we all like December. Its not a particularly productive time of year, but there is a lot of alcohol and parties and I like both of those things.
Look at that, I ended on a high note. Kodak moment people.
Actually I think all the positivity has given me a headache. Way too much effort for a Monday.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Sugar Rush
When I was a kid, there was no better day than Halloween. I loved to dress up and Halloween was just an excuse to do it in public. My mom would never buy me ready made store costumes (which annoyed me then but now am grateful for) so there was more freedom to be creative. I was a fairy princess (my first North American Halloween), Charlie Chaplin (needed to make sure I had the hat on at all times or I was apt to look a little too much like a certain fuhrer), Mary Poppins, a really scary witch (I was 8 and green) etc. I think Charlie Chaplin was my favourite (aside from the aforementioned hat issue).
I used to run home from school and wait for the sun to go down. It always took forever. And then of course there was the huge disappointment of having my mom haul out my winter coat and 10 other layers to wear under my costume. Disappointing because it always ruined the effect and I always hoped she would forget. Then my brother and I were handed a pillow case each and told to hit the road. The freedom! The exhilaration! The sugar rush!
Halloween was the perfect holiday.
As I got older, Halloween became less about candy and more about alcohol. It was an excuse to put on short skirts and small tops, some sort of animal tail or ears, maybe a hat and drink til you fell down a la Mean Girls(the greatest movie ever made): "Halloween is the only day in the whole year that a girl can dress like a total slut and no one else can say anything about it. Alice in Wonderland was the best of those".
But now, there is Work Halloween. And Work Halloween is just an exercise in lame-ness. I mean there are a lot of things you have to think about. Things that would totally be great and go over really well at a house party or at a bar, just don't fly at work. You can't wear short skirts, or small tops. You can't take things too far. You need to keep PC-ness in mind. And if your boss doesn't have a sense of humour you need to remember that too.
So inevitably, people come in wearing devil horns with their regular clothes (I'm not talking about you Claire, I know you don't have a choice in the matter), or say things like "I'm a college student"- which come on, its cheating. Amy came in today dressed as a 20 year old. Although she is in her early 30s she looks like she's 15 (unfair right?)so its not really a stretch.
Inevitably there are those that dress up, and those that have no imagination or inclination to come up with an easy costume idea. And the day becomes a constant war of words between the 2 sides, one side taunting the other about itchy wigs, and the other mocking the lack of imagination and awesome-ness shown.
And of course, the piece de resistance of any office event: the potluck lunch. Who doesn't love a potluck lunch?
Actually I'm not the biggest fan. I find them forced and kind of awkward and there really is no telling what people will bring in. Although I did just hear that there would be pizza. But mostly we all stand around for an hour trying to talk to one another but mostly not having any common ground except work and eventually we all lapse into awful work stories and questions, or silence. I think I would prefer the silence.
I'm pretty sure that I have already crashed after a mini sugar rush (there was candy on my desk when I came in. What was I supposed to do?) but I hope to have remedied that by walking into the lunch room and digging through one of 4 buckets of candy to help me get my fix again.
All around its a very odd day. Veronica is dressed like a bumble bee. What? She's interviewing people? Who wouldn't want to be interviewed by a bumble bee? It would bee entertaining (sorry, I couldnt' help myself). If one of the interviewees came dressed up in a costume I would definitely push for that person.
There was a high note though. One of the guys from the other team (yeah we like to refer to departments as Teams, it makes us seem more cohesive and awesome. except that it achieves neither of those things) has a truly heinous skull mask. Maurice (in one of his bright moments, it was shortlived) told him to go to the little space on the outside of Veronica's cubicle and pop up and scare her.
Just as an interviewee walked into the office Maurice guided Veronica to her desk to "look at something" and the other guy popped up. She screamed (so high pitched) AND yelled profanities. And then went to her interview.
I didn't know that Maurice could be so diabolical and am strangely impressed. I'm sure it won't last.
Oh and do you know what? Originally I could not get into the Halloween spirit enough this year to come up with a costume. But Anna needed bits and pieces to complete hers. So I went with her to a sewing store (currently a Halloween emporium) and found my costume. And she found what she needed. So I was finally starting to look forward to it.
And today I'm all excited to see which idea Anna went with (she had 2 in mind).
Anna is not at work today.
H1N1 strikes again.
**please note I am not a doctor and have not treated Anna, this is purely conjecture because it seems to be going around**
At least there are buckets of candy. I'm going to go eat my feelings now. See what you did Anna (I mean, hope you're feeling better!)?
Happy Halloween everyone!!
I used to run home from school and wait for the sun to go down. It always took forever. And then of course there was the huge disappointment of having my mom haul out my winter coat and 10 other layers to wear under my costume. Disappointing because it always ruined the effect and I always hoped she would forget. Then my brother and I were handed a pillow case each and told to hit the road. The freedom! The exhilaration! The sugar rush!
Halloween was the perfect holiday.
As I got older, Halloween became less about candy and more about alcohol. It was an excuse to put on short skirts and small tops, some sort of animal tail or ears, maybe a hat and drink til you fell down a la Mean Girls(the greatest movie ever made): "Halloween is the only day in the whole year that a girl can dress like a total slut and no one else can say anything about it. Alice in Wonderland was the best of those".
But now, there is Work Halloween. And Work Halloween is just an exercise in lame-ness. I mean there are a lot of things you have to think about. Things that would totally be great and go over really well at a house party or at a bar, just don't fly at work. You can't wear short skirts, or small tops. You can't take things too far. You need to keep PC-ness in mind. And if your boss doesn't have a sense of humour you need to remember that too.
So inevitably, people come in wearing devil horns with their regular clothes (I'm not talking about you Claire, I know you don't have a choice in the matter), or say things like "I'm a college student"- which come on, its cheating. Amy came in today dressed as a 20 year old. Although she is in her early 30s she looks like she's 15 (unfair right?)so its not really a stretch.
Inevitably there are those that dress up, and those that have no imagination or inclination to come up with an easy costume idea. And the day becomes a constant war of words between the 2 sides, one side taunting the other about itchy wigs, and the other mocking the lack of imagination and awesome-ness shown.
And of course, the piece de resistance of any office event: the potluck lunch. Who doesn't love a potluck lunch?
Actually I'm not the biggest fan. I find them forced and kind of awkward and there really is no telling what people will bring in. Although I did just hear that there would be pizza. But mostly we all stand around for an hour trying to talk to one another but mostly not having any common ground except work and eventually we all lapse into awful work stories and questions, or silence. I think I would prefer the silence.
I'm pretty sure that I have already crashed after a mini sugar rush (there was candy on my desk when I came in. What was I supposed to do?) but I hope to have remedied that by walking into the lunch room and digging through one of 4 buckets of candy to help me get my fix again.
All around its a very odd day. Veronica is dressed like a bumble bee. What? She's interviewing people? Who wouldn't want to be interviewed by a bumble bee? It would bee entertaining (sorry, I couldnt' help myself). If one of the interviewees came dressed up in a costume I would definitely push for that person.
There was a high note though. One of the guys from the other team (yeah we like to refer to departments as Teams, it makes us seem more cohesive and awesome. except that it achieves neither of those things) has a truly heinous skull mask. Maurice (in one of his bright moments, it was shortlived) told him to go to the little space on the outside of Veronica's cubicle and pop up and scare her.
Just as an interviewee walked into the office Maurice guided Veronica to her desk to "look at something" and the other guy popped up. She screamed (so high pitched) AND yelled profanities. And then went to her interview.
I didn't know that Maurice could be so diabolical and am strangely impressed. I'm sure it won't last.
Oh and do you know what? Originally I could not get into the Halloween spirit enough this year to come up with a costume. But Anna needed bits and pieces to complete hers. So I went with her to a sewing store (currently a Halloween emporium) and found my costume. And she found what she needed. So I was finally starting to look forward to it.
And today I'm all excited to see which idea Anna went with (she had 2 in mind).
Anna is not at work today.
H1N1 strikes again.
**please note I am not a doctor and have not treated Anna, this is purely conjecture because it seems to be going around**
At least there are buckets of candy. I'm going to go eat my feelings now. See what you did Anna (I mean, hope you're feeling better!)?
Happy Halloween everyone!!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Buzz Kill
I just tried to write a post. I failed. It was neither insightful nor witty. It wasn't ridiculous or inane.
It was crap.
So I deleted it and here I am. Trying to think of something to share.
I'm not hungover today, which is a good start. But I'm not exactly bursting with enthusiasm or excitement. About anything. My concerts are over and while I'm perfectly happy reliving them in my head, other people are continuously intruding on my bliss with inane cubicle tasks.
We all know how I feel about the cubicle tasks.
Currently we are all buried up to our necks in paperwork and things that need to get done yesterday (some are buried up to their necks in their a**, not having any idea of what is going on). This doesn't leave a lot of time for hilarity. Or even for eavesdropping on interesting conversation. Furthermore, with all this work that needs to be done, Amy and Veronica have magically found more time to walk around and make sure you are working. This leaves a lot less time for internet surfing. I don't even know what the Kardashians are up to this week (I heard there might be some new tattoo on Khloe?)! And if you don't know what the Kardashians are doing, you are in some kind of cave.
On top of this, a lot of people are sick. I don't know if you have heard, but there is this thing called H1N1, and its really making the rounds. Yeah, I'm not surprised you haven't heard of it, the media hasn't really caught on to it yet, but supposedly it can get pretty serious.
Apparently we live in a hot zone. A lot of H1N1 floating around in these parts. I was self-quarantined in April (it was a strong suggestion), when I returned from Mexico (the heart of the Swine Flu) and The Boyfriend came down with a handful of the symptoms. I called work and told them that I felt fine but that The Boyfriend may or may not have it and I got an extra week off work. Paid.
But we have these Temps. That don't get sick days and don't get paid well either. So if they are sick and they don't come in, they don't get paid. In today's economy (maybe you haven't heard about this either, its bad) losing a day's wages is not good. It actually makes a substantial difference to things like food and rent. You know, those little extras. Turns out we don't work for a Fortune 500 company so the pay is pretty low to begin with. Anyway, these poor Temps sell their souls and get sick (because of the pressure at work and the stress of not knowing if they are permanent) and then they still come in.
Under the old company regime, no thought was given to the fact that when sick people work, they get more sick and other people sick. For them, it was bottom line: Temps show up, Temps work, Temps don't show up, Temps don't get paid.Turns out the new company has a conscience.
Not enough to hire the Temps as full time permanent (and thus give them access to sick days to actually get better) but enought to get Amy to send a friendly reminder:
It seems like a lot of people are getting sick or knows people that are [...] Please remember to really wash your hands and use hand sanitizer. If you are coughing, please be kind to your neighbours and cough into your sleeve. If you are really feeling sick, please do stay at home.
Am I the only one that thinks its wrong not to hire Temps full time (if you are giving them full employee responsibilities) and then tell them to stay home if they are sick and therefore forfeit a days' wages? I'm all for staying home when you are sick (Lord knows I take advantage), I'm pretty sure its well known that if you rest, really rest, you are bound to get better faster. Not to mention the fact that if you stay home you're not spreading your germs.
BUT (and this is big) how fair is it to penalize people for not coming into work, creating a culture where it is seriously frowned upon to call in sick (because it was up until September 1st) and then changing your mind, singling people out for coughing and asking them to give up their hard earned money?
Let's just all call it a day.
PS: Tomorrow, Halloween office festivities. Get excited.
It was crap.
So I deleted it and here I am. Trying to think of something to share.
I'm not hungover today, which is a good start. But I'm not exactly bursting with enthusiasm or excitement. About anything. My concerts are over and while I'm perfectly happy reliving them in my head, other people are continuously intruding on my bliss with inane cubicle tasks.
We all know how I feel about the cubicle tasks.
Currently we are all buried up to our necks in paperwork and things that need to get done yesterday (some are buried up to their necks in their a**, not having any idea of what is going on). This doesn't leave a lot of time for hilarity. Or even for eavesdropping on interesting conversation. Furthermore, with all this work that needs to be done, Amy and Veronica have magically found more time to walk around and make sure you are working. This leaves a lot less time for internet surfing. I don't even know what the Kardashians are up to this week (I heard there might be some new tattoo on Khloe?)! And if you don't know what the Kardashians are doing, you are in some kind of cave.
On top of this, a lot of people are sick. I don't know if you have heard, but there is this thing called H1N1, and its really making the rounds. Yeah, I'm not surprised you haven't heard of it, the media hasn't really caught on to it yet, but supposedly it can get pretty serious.
Apparently we live in a hot zone. A lot of H1N1 floating around in these parts. I was self-quarantined in April (it was a strong suggestion), when I returned from Mexico (the heart of the Swine Flu) and The Boyfriend came down with a handful of the symptoms. I called work and told them that I felt fine but that The Boyfriend may or may not have it and I got an extra week off work. Paid.
But we have these Temps. That don't get sick days and don't get paid well either. So if they are sick and they don't come in, they don't get paid. In today's economy (maybe you haven't heard about this either, its bad) losing a day's wages is not good. It actually makes a substantial difference to things like food and rent. You know, those little extras. Turns out we don't work for a Fortune 500 company so the pay is pretty low to begin with. Anyway, these poor Temps sell their souls and get sick (because of the pressure at work and the stress of not knowing if they are permanent) and then they still come in.
Under the old company regime, no thought was given to the fact that when sick people work, they get more sick and other people sick. For them, it was bottom line: Temps show up, Temps work, Temps don't show up, Temps don't get paid.Turns out the new company has a conscience.
Not enough to hire the Temps as full time permanent (and thus give them access to sick days to actually get better) but enought to get Amy to send a friendly reminder:
It seems like a lot of people are getting sick or knows people that are [...] Please remember to really wash your hands and use hand sanitizer. If you are coughing, please be kind to your neighbours and cough into your sleeve. If you are really feeling sick, please do stay at home.
Am I the only one that thinks its wrong not to hire Temps full time (if you are giving them full employee responsibilities) and then tell them to stay home if they are sick and therefore forfeit a days' wages? I'm all for staying home when you are sick (Lord knows I take advantage), I'm pretty sure its well known that if you rest, really rest, you are bound to get better faster. Not to mention the fact that if you stay home you're not spreading your germs.
BUT (and this is big) how fair is it to penalize people for not coming into work, creating a culture where it is seriously frowned upon to call in sick (because it was up until September 1st) and then changing your mind, singling people out for coughing and asking them to give up their hard earned money?
Let's just all call it a day.
PS: Tomorrow, Halloween office festivities. Get excited.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday + Rum = My Wednesday
I'm not going to lie to you. I'm hungover. At work. And its hard to focus on the minutiae of cubicle tasks when your head is screaming at you and your stomach is churning.
Mostly I'm just really tired. And then there is the hangover that's really throwing off my groove.
Although, do I have a groove at work? I think the entire purpose of this job is to rid me of my groove.
My hangover is making me ramble about nonsense.
So maybe a concert at a bar on a Tuesday wasn't the best idea I've ever had. There was a time when I could get off work, get drunk at Karaoke Thursdays or Cowboy Wednesdays at respectable establishments, get myself home and be up and ready to go to work as normal. But clearly those days are long gone. And while I had an amazing time, dancing my butt off (like I said, I was drunk) in my nice new heeled boots, today I'm questioning my own sanity.
Course, there is another concert to go to tonight. But probably won't go as hard tonight. I'll never make it. Just a glass of wine. Or 2. Or whatever.
Don't think that the thought of taking a personal day didn't cross my mind as I lay half coma-tose this morning. It definitely did. But at the same time this super annoying voice in my head (is it bad to hear voices?) said that it was my own fault that I felt like crap, that I made the choice to go out on a school night and now I had to face the consequences. What is that about? Where did this voice of reason come from? I don't think that that is fair. Especially when I turned around and The Boyfriend was snoring away happily, already having decided that he's "going to go in later".
He's probably still in bed.
Hangovers at work do not a happy cubicle inhabitant make. I could barely stomach a normal breakfast (the thought of milk made me queasy) but when Lily brought in my favourite home made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies suddenly I needed to eat 5. I am now cradling my starbucks gently, willing it to erase my bad decisions from last night.
Did Veronica always have such a nasaly voice?
Is it not bad enough to be hungover? Does she really need to talk that much? And so loudly? This is why hangovers at work suck. Everything is so much worse than normal.
I don't think anyone will be surprised to hear that my legs and feet are messed up after last night's escapade. I'm no longer bleeding (and my mom just messaged me about magic blister band aids. Apparently this blister/shoe stupidity is an inherited trait) but I'm kind of gibbled a little (oh man, remember Full House? Kimmy Gibbler? She was hilarious! ...I told you already, I have a hangover).
Although it didn't happen in the Cubicle, I think it warrants telling. It could be like an ongoing series of Things That Happen To My Feet. I could make a movie. Well too bad if you think that's a dumb idea, I'm the one with the non-ergonomic keyboard typing here.
I went to a concert last night (I don't know if I mentioned that) and I wore my new boots. Because they are concert wearing boots. I walked around in them, danced all night in them, generally bonded with my new boots. But you know how your feet swell when you are dancing around on them in impractical shoes? Well I thought of that. Sort of. I brought flip flops in my purse to walk back to the bus in after the concert (yes, even though it was late at night in late October) because I knew that there was no way that ?I was going to make it to the bus in the boots (and lets face it, scuff up the boots) and wanted to quickly sit and change into them before we went outside. Left boot comes off no problem. Right boot, not so much.I wriggled as best I could but the exhaustion from dancing and the effects of rum beat me and I needed The Boyfriend's help. I asked him to please gently pull the boot off. Well he heard the part about pulling the boot off but I don't think he caught gently. The boot came off but in the process I'm pretty sure that my hip got pulled out of its socket.
Today it feels bruised. And my feet are screaming at me for wearing heels.
But it was totally worth it because today I get to stick it to the man.
I'm wearing sneakers.
PS This is my 100th post!! Thanks for making my miserable cubicle existence a part of your day!
Mostly I'm just really tired. And then there is the hangover that's really throwing off my groove.
Although, do I have a groove at work? I think the entire purpose of this job is to rid me of my groove.
My hangover is making me ramble about nonsense.
So maybe a concert at a bar on a Tuesday wasn't the best idea I've ever had. There was a time when I could get off work, get drunk at Karaoke Thursdays or Cowboy Wednesdays at respectable establishments, get myself home and be up and ready to go to work as normal. But clearly those days are long gone. And while I had an amazing time, dancing my butt off (like I said, I was drunk) in my nice new heeled boots, today I'm questioning my own sanity.
Course, there is another concert to go to tonight. But probably won't go as hard tonight. I'll never make it. Just a glass of wine. Or 2. Or whatever.
Don't think that the thought of taking a personal day didn't cross my mind as I lay half coma-tose this morning. It definitely did. But at the same time this super annoying voice in my head (is it bad to hear voices?) said that it was my own fault that I felt like crap, that I made the choice to go out on a school night and now I had to face the consequences. What is that about? Where did this voice of reason come from? I don't think that that is fair. Especially when I turned around and The Boyfriend was snoring away happily, already having decided that he's "going to go in later".
He's probably still in bed.
Hangovers at work do not a happy cubicle inhabitant make. I could barely stomach a normal breakfast (the thought of milk made me queasy) but when Lily brought in my favourite home made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies suddenly I needed to eat 5. I am now cradling my starbucks gently, willing it to erase my bad decisions from last night.
Did Veronica always have such a nasaly voice?
Is it not bad enough to be hungover? Does she really need to talk that much? And so loudly? This is why hangovers at work suck. Everything is so much worse than normal.
I don't think anyone will be surprised to hear that my legs and feet are messed up after last night's escapade. I'm no longer bleeding (and my mom just messaged me about magic blister band aids. Apparently this blister/shoe stupidity is an inherited trait) but I'm kind of gibbled a little (oh man, remember Full House? Kimmy Gibbler? She was hilarious! ...I told you already, I have a hangover).
Although it didn't happen in the Cubicle, I think it warrants telling. It could be like an ongoing series of Things That Happen To My Feet. I could make a movie. Well too bad if you think that's a dumb idea, I'm the one with the non-ergonomic keyboard typing here.
I went to a concert last night (I don't know if I mentioned that) and I wore my new boots. Because they are concert wearing boots. I walked around in them, danced all night in them, generally bonded with my new boots. But you know how your feet swell when you are dancing around on them in impractical shoes? Well I thought of that. Sort of. I brought flip flops in my purse to walk back to the bus in after the concert (yes, even though it was late at night in late October) because I knew that there was no way that ?I was going to make it to the bus in the boots (and lets face it, scuff up the boots) and wanted to quickly sit and change into them before we went outside. Left boot comes off no problem. Right boot, not so much.I wriggled as best I could but the exhaustion from dancing and the effects of rum beat me and I needed The Boyfriend's help. I asked him to please gently pull the boot off. Well he heard the part about pulling the boot off but I don't think he caught gently. The boot came off but in the process I'm pretty sure that my hip got pulled out of its socket.
Today it feels bruised. And my feet are screaming at me for wearing heels.
But it was totally worth it because today I get to stick it to the man.
I'm wearing sneakers.
PS This is my 100th post!! Thanks for making my miserable cubicle existence a part of your day!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
