Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Am I Pulling A Jim Carey?

A few housekeeping things before we begin. I read a lot of books. I have about an hour commute to and from work so there's a lot of time to kill. And I kill it with books. Anyway, usually I'm a really fast reader, but occasionally a book comes along that totally challenges my prowess and my determination. The Children's Book was one of those books.

I started it, got about 75 pages in (out of 615) and left it at my parents' house. While they were moving. I didn't think I would ever see the book again. Or if I did it would be unrecognizeable as such. Miraculously it survived the move and a few weeks at my parents' house. I got it back. And it had to wait while I finished some other, more enjoyable book.

Long story short, I have been working on this book for weeks. WEEKS. And I finished it last night (I had 10 pages to go when I had to leave for aquafit- the Universe was really dragging that out)! Thoughts? Lots of words. And information. And parts of stories that get interesting but they are quick and then they are done. Way too many characters to keep straight.

But I finished it. I feel so accomplished this morning.

I also finished what I was supposed to in order to get that Starbucks card. Let's say I was asked to ice 120 cupcakes by 2pm. Most people do 50 in a day and my record was 160--in the whole day. Now I'm asked to do 120 by the time I go for lunch because my boss needs to serve them to customers. Let's say that. I finished them by 1.10 because that's how I roll. Total finished yesterday? 178.

I rule. Starbucks on John today!

Sorry- that was a lot of numbers. I'm not a fan of numbers.

So yesterday I said that I needed your advice on a situation. Before I lay out this situation, perhaps a refresher on how I feel about work functions here and here .

Now that you are all caught up...The Situation (not the guy from Jersey Shore. Fist Pump!).

A co-worker is leaving (lucky lucky bastard) to further his education in sunny California (like its not enough he gets to leave this job). His co-worker friends (he sits on the other side of the office, not so much governed by the power hungry dipsh*ts I sit with) are setting up an evening of drinks and a gift to send him on his way. Veronica will be going. I'm sure that John will pop in for a drink. Let's say 10 people are going, I probably like 5. Obviously will contribute to the gift either way. Do I go? Or do I go home? Do we need to look at the pros and cons?

Pro: Drinks after work like a real office does.
Con: Drinks with work people, where there is a good chance that work talk will be the order of the evening.
Pro: I can't think of any other pros.
Con: Spending money on an evening out seems foolish when we're trying to buy a place. Not to mention the calories consumed when my a$$ has already gotten so much bigger working here.
Con: Veronica will be there.
Con: Anna won't be there.

What do you guys think?? Am I pulling a Jim Carey from Yes, Man before he starts saying 'yes' to everything if I don't go? Or am I saving myself from an evening of office horrors?

Yesterday we got a well thought out email from Veronica entitled: Housekeeping and Professionalism. With a subject like that you know it's going to be good.

Too much socializing at work is starting to affect Veronica's production. Which is weird because she is the worst one for socializing. And definitely the loudest.

She doesn't want to have to "not have to implement a no cell phone zone" but we are texting too much during work. No mention is made of her cell phone being glued to her ear or her variety of ringtones as they go off throughout the day.

We are at work to work. Some fun can be had but not when we are working. If you don't have enough work to do they can give us more.

About an hour after this email was sent Veronica engaged the whole floor in a conversation idea. Not important. You get the point. The point that you might not have gotten was how not well thought out or grammatically sound this email was. I forwarded it to the Record and she had a lot of questions. Because I know Veronica it was easier for me to decipher her general meaning.

So- am I going for drinks with her tomorrow night? Or going home to watch 30 Rock?

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Maurice Shouldn't Talk

First of all, thanks to those of you that left comments on yesterday's post. They were very much appreciated.

Now. I am at work today. Everybody cheers. Well everyone except me, who kind of wants to cry. There are so many reasons for this. Where to begin.

Perhaps with what I did yesterday. I watched Julie & Julia. Which I had heard described as uplifting and happy. And I guess it was. But it made me cry. It made me cry about 20 minutes in, so definitely not at any emotional climax or particularly sad anything. No, no. The part where Julie is walking to work and she just looks so sad because her job sucks and then she has to go to the Cob Salad lunch with all her "successful" friends? It made me cry because thats how I feel each and every day. If you saw me walking down the street on my way to work, you would think one of 2 things 1. who died? or 2. that girl looks like such a b*tch.

Sadness. But she actually did something to change it. Which made me simultaneously thrilled for her and unbelieveably frustrated that at the moment, I can't do anything to change things.

I tried to put on my happy face and look forward to something (incidentally there was a brightly wrapped present on my desk. In a Hannah Montana bag. Things were looking up) here, but as soon as I walked in, the overwhelming stench of failure that emanates from this place, swallowed up any good intentions.

Then I had to read a forwarded email from a co-worker in which John questioned her intentions to move forward with the company and basically told her not to bother. I didn't realize that John had become some kind of life coach/mentor. Why would you ask him for help? You go behind his back, rock at it and then rub it in his face!

The cherry on my morning though had to be when Maurice opened his mouth.

Maurice LOVES UFC fighting. Anything violent like that, he's all over it. My personal opinion on the ultimate fighting stuff is that its barbaric. I don't need to watch 2 roid monkeys fighting it out, beating the crap out of each other until they are bleeding or unconscious. Its medieval and I have no idea why people love it so much. It makes me sick.

However, to each his own I guess.

Anyway, for a long time, these UFC fights did not come to Canada. For good reason. Mixed martial arts are technically illegal, being against the Criminal Code of Canada. Or some such like. Montreal got a few fights, but they did something to temporarily make it OK.

Anyway, a few months ago, Vancouver said OK, let's have a fight here. And all the spectator roid monkeys rejoiced. It was front page news. Yesterday, rumours started swirling that it had been cancelled (and I was secretly thrilled. OK, not secretly at all). Today it looks like its officially done.

Maurice is devastated. He is clinging to some hope that its not true. He started going on about conspiracy theories. About a UFC fight. Seriously. He was going on and on about it. And then Veronica jumped in with him, defending UFC. Apparently UFC fighers are no different than hockey players (I beg to differ), it takes a lot of skill to blindly beat the sh*t out of another man and it isn't really cancelled.

What is this place? Where am I?

No way can this city handle the blood lust that a UFC fight would bring. Anyone remember 1994 when the Canucks didn't win the Stanley Cup? The riots? The only reason nothing like that happened during the Olympics is a) we won and b) they closed the liquor stores downtown at 7pm.

Apparently there was a big fight in a club this weekend when Maurice was there. Another co-worker was there as well and they just spent 15 minutes discussing the "blood everywhere", how the guy's "face was totally split open" and "it was so sick" (as in awesome). Yeah, UFC should come here.

Honestly, the people that I work with!

3 day week 3 day week 3 day week 3 day week 3 day week 3 day week

Damn it kidlets, I have been challenged. I had something to ask your advice on, but it will have to wait. I need to get a whole bunch of stuff done by 2. And if I get it done (and I will because I'm not a moron, despite the fact that I work here) I get a $10 Starbucks card. I recognize that I am their puppet. But you gotta play the game sometimes!

Monday, March 29, 2010

A Whole Year

I'm not at work today for 2 reasons. Well, I'm sure that I could think of many more reasons not to go...but there are 2 that come to mind today:
1. I did not sleep. The kind of did-not-sleep that has completely incapacitated me to do any kind of work/deal with John and Amy's crap democratically.
2. More seriously, today is the one year anniversary of my grandmother's death and I miss her.

So a break from our regularly scheduled programming, while I tell you a little bit about my Oma.

She was a cool lady. She refused to dress like an old lady, never carried an old lady handbag and was always changing her glasses frames. The last ones were bright red, sprinkled with "diamonds", Prada. Wicked awesome frames.

She's always been there, always a part of our lives, and this last year without her...her absence has been hugely noticeable. When I was little she baked cookies with us, got down on her hands and knees to play with toy cars, spent hours building Lego castles with my brother and was more than happy to play with dolls.

She was at graduations, baptisms, school plays, and talent shows. Every birthday and Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter my Oma was there. Even though she was a diabetic, she would always have "just a tiny" slice of cake.

She volunteered with the local community policing centre, something she loved. She started referring to RCMP officers as "her boys". She loved pansies and The Young and the Restless. She read all the Harry Potters but had piles of romance novels. She always had the warmest hands, and when I was young she would rub my feet. I was always jealous of her hands--she had elegant fingers and perfectly shaped nails.

In the last few years as she got older and tired more easily, I started going to her house at Christmas and wrapping all her presents for her. She loved to shop so there were a lot. It took hours, but she would ply me with shortbread cookies, chocolate and of course, The Young and the Restless--she would provide me with commentary and catch me up on everything I had missed in the year.

In her old age she tried to become computer savvy. She mostly learned how to play solitaire.

She was the common point around whom we all revolved. She was a matriarch, surrounded by her daughters and grandkids.

Without her life has been a little bit less. I'm still unable to talk about her without crying so this is probably the only way I can express how much she meant to me and how much I miss her. I like to think she has been reunited with Opa (who I never met), surrounded by all the pets that have gone before us, eating a big ol' chocolate cake.

We all miss you Oma.

Friday, March 26, 2010

A Cubicle Tale

Once upon a time there was a strange and confusing place called Cubicleland. It was a place where rules changed, double standards prevailed and the currency was pizza. This awkward and sometimes irritating place is where a young boy, called John, grew up. From birth he learned to navigate the paths of Cubicleland and ingratiate himself with the rulers, most of whom were part of the Imbecile family. John himself was a close cousin, belonging to the Moron clan.

The years passed and John Moron grew into an awkward, yet oddly self assured man. He did have some cosmetic dental issues so when he was old enough he got himself some adult braces. The Imbecile family's last ruler was getting old and had no children to pass the throne to. He searched the frustrating land for an heir, and soon the land knew who his choice would be: John Moron.

All the peasants groaned.

You see, for all his privelege and adult braces, John had a secret: he wasn't very smart. Or tactful. He considered himself a people person but truth be told, people were wary of him. He was shifty. The peope worried for their futures under the new leader.

Some peasants, like Veronica Backstabby and Amy Frost were willing to go with the flow. They had been close with John when he was young and figured that he would take care of them now. Bored@Work Fabulous and Anna Awesome were more dubious about the new ruler's abililty to govern effectively.

Less than a year after John Moron had taken over the ruling of Cubicleland, a neighbouring empire came and tried to take over. John met with the warrior ruler of this land to try and make him back off. The people of Cubicleland gathered in the streets, waving him off, sure that he would protect them and their homes.

But John Moron had other ideas. Instead he worked with the Warring Nation to create a takeover that would effect all the people of Cubicleland. He returned home, assuring his people that he had been successful. The people went back to work.

Weeks later, the Warring Nation took over. John Moron lost his post as supreme ruler but found a very comfortable position in the new dynasty- he became the Head Brown Noser. John knew that he had to appoint his allies to positions close to him, keep out the pesky peasants like Bored@Work Fabulous and Anna Awesome, even though they were hard workers, had great ideas and were generally, the best at everything.

It didn't take him long to appoint Amy Frost and Veronica Backstabby. Amy took to her position calmly, but ruled with an iron fist. Veronica was much more dangerous, feasting with the people, before choosing who to torture for crimes against the state.

There was no work anywhere in the neighbouring regions, so the peasants were stuck. Bored@Work Fabulous started a writing campaign to try and bring attention to the plight of the Cubicleland dwellers but with only moderate success.

After months of toiling under the harsh new regime (without even regular holidays that the land had always celebrated, like Easter Monday), Bored@Work Fabulous realized that there was only one way out of this mess: John Moron and his henchpeople had to be taken care of.

Somehow Veronica Backstabby was convinced that it would be a good idea, what with all the stress of her new post, to start going to hot yoga classes. Regardless of all the sweaty people, and the fact that its a perfect breeding ground for disease, Veronica went to the classes. One night after class, Veronica was left behind (to tie her shoes) and when she tried to leave, she was stuck. The heat was left on, and Veronica Backstabby melted.

Amy Frost, for all her ruthlessness in her post, had a soft side that enjoyed scrapbooking and card making. She had always been a part of a scrapbooking class with the peasants. This continued after her appointment to her new post. Unfortunately Amy Frost met with an unfortunate incidente involving a paper cutter and did not survive to tell the tale.

With his henchpeople dropping like flies, John Moron took to going everywhere with a bodyguard. Everywhere that John went, Turd Ferguson was sure to go. But Turd wasn't well liked either. Every morning and afternoon they enjoyed a hot cup of coffee. And one day, the coffee was off. Some said it was just old, others were convinced that it was poisoned. I guess we'll never know-- but it was the end of John Moron and Turd Ferguson.

With all of these mysterious deaths, the Warring Nation got scared. They decided that Cubicleland was messed up and that the best possible course of action was to get out. They hastily packed up their belongings and were gone within hours of John Moron's death.

So ended the clan of the Morons and the rule of the Warring Nation. But the people had had enough of families ruling for centuries with no understanding of the way the people lived their lives. They decided to elect their new ruler based on the ability to do the job well, a totally new concept in Cubicleland. The people voted unanimously to make Bored@Work Fabulous the new ruler. Anna Awesome would be her deputy.

And so it was that Cubicleland became a paradise on earth, with understanding, capable and brilliant rulers.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

You've Been Warned

Well kids, I'm pretty damn proud of me this morning. I slept like the dead. Woke up feeling like the dead, almost reached for the phone to call it in. And didn't.

Amazing no?

Yeah I'm pretty amazed with myself also. The downside is that I am incredibly exhausted and have no capacity for thinking. So I'm afraid that today's post will be one of those that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, is rambly, and not consistent or flowy in any way.

But sometimes those are fun.

I think Starbucks laces their drinks with crack. I really do. I was being so good. I felt like I had totally broken the habit of a Starbucks pitstop. Saving money, saving calories. Everybody wins. But then Monday I didn't have breakfast so it became a matter more of self preservation (a girl has got to eat) and then Tuesday there was that free pastry business. Yesterday, no Starbucks? Tough morning. Today? No Starbucks. Worse morning. Crack-laced tea. Craaaaaaaaaaaack.

Say crack again. Crack.


Don't say that I didn't warn you. Ran.Dom.

You know what's ridiculous? People that go on vacation for a few weeks and have going away parties for themselves. You're not moving away, you're not taking off for a year- you're going on vacation. Which means you are coming back soon. But you are forcing people to come out somewhere, spend money, and say good bye? That's kind of f*cked no? Not if you are Veronica. She and her boyfriend are going to South Africa in June and apparently they are planning not one, but two going away parties. Total vacation time? Five weeks. I think there should be a rule (written down somewhere) that you only get a going away party if you are going to be away for 6 months or more.

Today is not Friday. And it should be.

My desk is a mess. I should do something about that. But why? Peace of mind? A zen state of office being? Please. My workspace is a reflection of how I feel about this place-annoyed. Bright spot? My puppy calendar (pretty yellow lab this month) and my achievement certificate (awarded for awesomeness) and employee of the month plaque (because it can be framed and hung up on the wall like a raise can't). Yes, those last 2 were printed off the internet.

Easter Monday should be a holiday. Not in my office. Apparently I'm not alone in having to work Easter Monday but I have a couple of objections. First off, if our holidays are different with the new company than they were with the old, perhaps someone should have thought about putting together some kind of handout, email, flow chart, power-f*cking-point presentation, to let us know? And secondly, an email from the President, 2 weeks before the holiday is not enough time to get used to the idea. Sometimes people plan ahead and make arrangements to go out of town on long weekends. And then those plans have to be cancelled. Jerk.

And yes, I suppose one could take a vacation day in lieu of the stat BUT when your department becomes obsolete in 6 months and you have taken a bunch of holiday that you haven't already earned...guess who owes the company money when they don't have a job?


I'm an angry muppet today aren't I? Ellen was a rerun so I had to watch the Today show. Watching John McCain's smug face while he's rude to Ann Curry is not a good way to start the day.

The Record just informed me that she skipped out on a corporate event yesterday. She has been totally swamped since the Pregosaurus (she of the oversharing) went on early mat leave last week and when she saw the offer of a mardi gras themed party she was out. Particularly heinous was the making of masks with your "krewe". When did it become an acceptable form of communication to intentionally misspell things? It doesn't make it more "fun" or "cool". Its just friggin' annoying. Fools.

I don't think that there is any way to get around the fac that if I don't drag my butt to Starbucks in the next hour you could all be reading about some kind of massacre in an office.

And yes, Kim Kardashian is on my twitter. Are you?

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Sleepwalking And Soul Searching

I do not really have a plan for today's post. Sometimes I do (although I'm sure that its hard to tell), sometimes I don't. Today I don't. Who knows what could happen.

An odd thing did happen last night though. I was exhausted after my aquafit class (amazing what an hour of treading water will do) and basically fell into bed. The Boyfriend, having watched a movie, wasn't as tired. He was drunk though- the Canucks (hockey team) lost so he had a few drinks to take the edge off (playoff spot edge). He did come to bed but he was pretty restless. And also drunk (he would probably prefer that I didn't say that he was drunk, so let's just say that he was tipsy, but I mean drunk). Which is funny when I'm not also drunk. Well, more funny in that its a lot more noticeable.

Then at about 2.20am he sits up, swings his legs out of bed, gets up and walks out of the bedroom. I'm thinking he's just going for a bathroom run. But he doesn't come back. I fall back asleep and about 2 hours later he comes back into bed. I sleepily ask him what the hell happened and he said that it was the weirdest thing, he woke up on the couch, freezing cold.

So I'm thinking he's sleepwalking? I hope this doesn't become a regular occurance. It disturbs my own sleep. And let's face it, I don't sleep well during the week. And also, concern for him yadda yadda yadda.

My nails are chipped. This irks me. I couldn't redo them last night, won't have time tonight. Which means 2 more full days of looking at chipped nails. You may ask me why I wouldn't just take the chipped nail polish off and have naked nails. And I would tell you that when one has been wearing nail polish every day for about 7 years, not wearing nail polish is actually a little painful. Imagine scraping 3 layers of nail off. Doesn't feel so nice does it? Yes I know that I have a problem.

So that's another dilemma.

We have a morning meeting today. So excited. I bet its going to be really informative and well organized. I'm sure that we will all walk out of there saying to ourselves "I'm so glad we had that meeting" or "We're definitely all on the same page now".

Except that none of those things will happen. Because my office is run by chimps.

Actually, thats offensive. Chimps would be way better at this.

I'm totally stoked on our meeting dude!


This morning is making my head hurt. My soul hurts too. My soul wants to know why I sold her to the devil and am allowing them to tear her out piece by piece. My soul is asking me why I don't love her.

My soul needs to sit back down. I'm doing the best I can.

I guess you are all wondering how Maurice's training session with the Hairy A$$ Crack turned out? Well I'm sad to report that they didn't hold the training in our Cubicle. Maurice rolled his chair over to the HAC's cubicle. So. Nothing.

On the one hand I'm glad I wasn't subject to that all morning. But on the other hand, I feel like I let you down, dangling such a tasty carrot in front of you, getting you to come back today, to find out nothing. I will tell you that they were supposed to start at 10 and that nothing was done until about 10.15. I even thought about writing some little aside about how much I hate lateness (I hate it a lot).

But since there is no point to the story, since there is no drama, no funny phrase, that all seems kind of silly now.

Whats that? My posts rarely have a point? Mmm. You may have something there. But you didn't think of one thing: that I'm in charge around here.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Tried And Denied

I tried to be a good employee this morning and get started on completing these mandatory courses. But I was denied access.

So dumb.

We were taken over last summer and our jobs will become obsolete by this fall (everybody cheers!) but we still need to complete these mandatory courses. Take time out of our work day to complete them. Because that makes a lot of sense.

Anyway, today I tried and was denied. What can you do?

Am I hallucinating or did that rhyme?

Just so we know where things stand today, I was forced to go back to Starbucks this morning for a free pastry (with my drink). There is nothing I won't do for a free pastry. And as luck would have it, someone restocked on earl grey tea. I am at one with the universe.

Except that I'm wearing new shoes. Adorable grey Oxfords. That I lusted over in the States only to be told that my giant clown feet wouldn't fit into any of the ones they had in stock. So I hunted them down. They arrived on my birthday. A size 10. Normally, this is good, but for some reason the Oxford fairy decided to make shoes for children and sell them to adults. So an 11 would have been better. But they were special ordered. I had them stretched.

No turning back.

I will not admit defeat. I will wear my Oxfords. I mean, I can get my feet into them. And my toes only fall asleep some of the time. So all in all, I'd say I'm out on top.

I'm wearing tights (the kind with feet, referred to as panty hose by moms the world over, but which term gives me the creeps) so I'm hoping we can prevent my feet from also bleeding.

I have tea though. I can handle anything.

Yesterday was a little bit of a different story. I was a smidge hungover, I didn't sleep and I didn't have any caffeine to take the edge off. By the end of the day I was so done.

John wasn't though.

I was leaving the office, walking down the hallway, saying good byes. I came to the end of the hall and there is John, with Turd Furguson, also preparing to leave. I had my headphones in my hands so I started to put them on, the international symbol for no-I-don't-want-to-talk-to-you. Shockingly, it appears that John is not so well versed in international speak.

You will remember that John did come to our impromptu birthday party but said nothing. I guess he felt badly about that or something? I can't imagine he actually felt bad because that would imply that he had a conscience so maybe it was indigestion.

John: Happy Birthday.
me: its not my birthday.
John: oh, was it yesterday?
me: no
John: when was it?
me: Thursday
John: oh this coming Thursday?
me: no.
John: oh this past Thursday.
me: yes. Why do you think I didn't come in? Bye!

And I practically ran out of the office. I even looked back to make sure they weren't walking the same way. They weren't.

Why does he even bother?

Oh. My. God.

I just overheard Amy tell Maurice that he was going to train someone. Not just anyone. Hairy A$$ Crack. I don't even know when I might have written about that (or I would link it for your viewing pleasure--perhaps if you have some procrastinating to do, you could look for it. My words become even more clever with time) but basically he bent over and I was blind. This guy, is useless. USE. LESS.

And Maurice. You've all enjoyed the Maurice stories. The meaning of the word garland. Being chivalrous. The hair cuts. He's going to be training someone. To do a job.

I sit beside him. I'm going to have to listen to this.

Don't worry, I will take notes. Something hilarious has to come out of this. Otherwise its just a lot of body odour for nothing.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Double Trouble

Those of you that have been reading for a while (so basically, my mom) know that I never post twice in one day. I think its happened once.

Today its necessary.

Because my office just "celebrated" my birthday.

And I use the term celebrated very, very loosely.

Anna was a rockstar and brought in a homemade cheesecake that was amazing in all its cheesecakey glory. She dropped it off before she went to school. Thoughtful and delicious.

Anyway, Veronica tried to be all stealth, like she was the one pulling off the surprise. And it wasn't just for me. It was also for another girl, the one who was accused of being a racist . Needless to say neither of us were really in the mood for all this office togetherness.

John walked in and I asked the other girl, we shall call her Lily, if our present could be that he didn't sing. Or if he could just leave. Or if we got to pick who got to stay and have cake and who had to leave. Lily laughed. Its like I was reading her mind.

We didn't need to worry. Veronica awkwardly announced that it was our birthday celebration (and also that it was Anna's birthday- so Anna, you missed out on your own birthday celebration FYI) and then fell to cutting the cake. No song. No pretense at forethought with a card.

All business. No one talked to either of us.

I could not get out of there soon enough. Cheesecake goodness aside, that was just bullsh*t. At least pretend that you care about our birthdays. Its not hard, I pretend all the time. I pretend that I care what you did this weekend. I pretend to care about your problems at home. I pretend not to care when you breathe the same air as me. Practice makes perfect.

Anyway, a HUGE thank you and a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Anna. I'm sorry that you are working on your birthday, but at least no one will be around to ruin it for most of the day.

And for the rest of you, I thought you should know. I didn't want to wait until tomorrow- what if I had forgotten all the exciting details!

I Just Wanted Tea

You know how sometimes when you may or may not be hungover? And you dream all night about drinking ice cold water and wake up with cotton mouth? And you have to go to work and know that since you have no food in the house (because you have regressed to living like a student, subsisting on KD and hot dogs), the only way to get through the morning is with a pitstop at the devil's house?

Yes, I do mean Starbucks.

You know that morning?

Maybe that happened to me today. I got to Starbucks, prepared to sacrifice the GDP of a small country for a subpar warm beverage. Perhaps my voice was totally effed from an evening of wine drinking. Or perhaps the woman manning the Starbucks counter, you know that place where people come when they aren't fully human yet because they have yet to receive their caffeine injection, was an idiot and should have been paying more attention.

It would also have been nice if whoever is responsible for ordering supplies (important things like tea and coffee when you are running a coffee shop) would recognize that earl grey tea is actually really popular and rooibos isn't a good subsititute and possibly could make sure that they have enough earl grey tea to make my f*cking drink?

I've already made the concession to call it a tea latte instead of the former tea misto, which was Starbucks speak for a London Fog. Can you maybe meet me halfway and provide the right effing tea?


So that's kind of where things stand now. I have my tea sitting on my desk. Waiting for me to drink it. But I hesitate because I know that instead of the comforting, vanilla-y, earl greyness, my tastebuds will instead encounter some foreign, non earl greyness. And I'm not sure that I'm prepared for that.

Yup. That's disgusting.

I could have saved a village with the amount of money I paid for that crap.

In my caffeine and food deprived monday hating state, I actually thought I made up the word unhappy. Really I did. I sent an email to my friend this morning telling her I was all unhappy-like. And I paused, and thought to myself: unhappy should be a word. Gosh I'm clever.

Not clever. Hungover. On a Monday. With crap tea.

I'm not even sure that its going to be any fun rubbing in the fact that The Boyfriend bought me a brand new, gorgeous, supple leather, limited edition bag for my birthday. Veronica, of the look-at-these-carnations-my-boyfriend-got-me, is going to sh*t. It should be a joyful occasion. I just don't think I have the energy to make it count. And that's sad. When all the joy of one-upping the Queen of One Upness has been leeched from me. Its a dark day when that happens.

Damn you Starbucks.

Do you guys think that Starbucks googles themselves like the a certain transit authority does? That's all I need to make my day complete. A war with Starbucks.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

A Bloggy Birthday Present!

If you have been reading my blog for a while you will know that it is extremely rare for me to post on a weekend. But sometimes, something really exciting or noteworthy happens and I can't wait until Monday to let you all know!

I got a blog award! The lovely Breenuh awarded me this:

So a big thank you to Breenuh - you should all go and visit her lovely blog. Go. Do it now.

Here are the rules for the award:
1. Copy & paste the award on your blog.
2. Name the person who gave the award to you and link to their blog (or hyperlink).
3. List 10 things that make you happy.
4. Pass the award on to other bloggers and visit their blog to let them know.

So I guess I need to list 10 things that make me happy now. Definitely a different avenue for this blog and perhaps somewhat confusing to regular readers. Contrary to popular belief, there are things that make me happy. They just don't usually exist at work.

1. Mail that isn't bills or flyers. Real bona fide letters or cards in the mail.

2. Flowers. I love having flowers in my house or getting flowers (I would say that that's a hint to The Boyfriend, but he doesn't usually read my blog).

3. Working out. It makes me happy. Odd then that I wouldn't do it more often eh?

4. Planning trips! I love going away! Even if its just for a weekend somewhere close. But obviously there is something to be said for planning an Oktoberfest/Italy trip. Which I am working on!!

5. Days when John isn't in the office. Ditto Amy. Enough said.

6. Looking at my bookshelf. Its literally crammed full of books. I have even piled books on the top. All the books are so pretty and looking at them makes me happy. Obviously I also enjoy reading them. Lots.

7. Puppies. I don't have my own but for now I will settle for playing with other people's puppies.

8. Hosting parties/gatherings. I love to be a hostess. Love the decorating, the preparations, the cleaning, and then the reward of everyone coming together and having a good time. And I don't need to leave my house.

9. Buying people birthday or Christmas presents that I know they will love. Nothing beats the reaction.

10. Bubble baths.

That was harder than I thought! I have been conditioned to find the crap in life thanks to the Cubicle. But I did it! Now to pass it on to other worthy blogs!

Megan at Running Wild
Laurie at Girls Are Smarter Than You
Fidgeting Gidget at Fidgeting Gidget
Rebekah at Dusting Myself Off

OK! I think that thats it. Thanks again to Breenuh !! You totally made my day!

See you guys Monday!

PS Rebekah , I hope you are somehow reading this because I couldn't comment on your blog or find a way to email you about it. So hopefully you found it anyway!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I'm 25 Years Wise Today

Today is my birthday. My very favourite day of the year. The one where all my friends and family have to celebrate me with a big ol' smile on their faces, give me presents and raise their glasses to get drunk with me.

It also means I'm not at work. And with weather like this (thank you baby Jesus) I'm thrilled not to be sitting in my Cubicle watching it from the window. I'm going to put a pretty birthday dress on and enjoy my birthday weather! Woot woot!

But of course, my birthday this year isn't all fun and games. Well no, it is. But its also a milestone birthday. Twenty-five. Lordy lordy, do I remember being 15 and thinking about all the things I wanted for when I was 25. It seemed so old, obviously would be married and have kids. Because apparently that was the only thing that mattered to my 15 year old self. Fool.

Anyway, my 15 year old plan for myself didn't pan out. Thankfully. But that doesn't mean I've spent the past 10 years being worthless. Au contraire, I have spent the past 25 (and the last 10 in particular) being awesome.

Here are some of the wise things that I learned. In my newly minted 25 year old state I'm sharing them with you. Think of it as a present to you from me. Like the little token present my little brother used to get on my birthday so that he wouldn't get jealous of all the attention paid to ME.

1. Life doesn't work out the way you planned. The Universe amuses herself with these little mind games. There will be detours. Roll with them. The scenery might be better than you expected.

2. Always have a glass of water handy beside your bed after a night of drinking. Five am will come around and you will be thankful you don't need to stumble to the kitchen to get it. If you are in Mexico be prepared with bottled water. I don't care how safe you think the tap water is, it isn't. Bottled water.

3. Relax the face. Your mom was right (but don't tell her)-- your face will freeze like that. Don't have a perma-scowl on there, don't frown. Relax the face. Try smiling. Laugh lines are much more attractive than frown lines. I know--I'm starting to get frown lines on my forehead. One more thing I hold John responsible for.

4. Chocolate milk is just as good for you as white milk. Probably even better because its so much tastier.

5. Be nice. You get so much further when you are nice to people. (caveat: you don't have to be nice to scum sucking d-bags like John because they aren't real people. They are scum suckers who step on the little people and they deserve to be hit by a bus). Plus when you are nice to people they are much more likely to come out for things like your birthday and send you nice messages.

6. Be patient. Its true that good things come to those who wait. Sure he has a penchant for basketball (which I hate) and he does have red hair, but the good definitely outweighs the bad. And he went to the store all by himself again today, and didn't get raped. . So if you're patient, the good will find you.

7. Wear sunscreen. Yeah there was that song years ago, popular for graduations, but that was a smart man. Skin cancer's no joke people. Lather on that sunscreen. SPF 15 on your face? Please. Try 45. Gonna keep this pretty face supple and smooth.

8. Read. It does the soul good. Plus there is all the learning. One should never stop learning. And books make nice furniture. A real conversation starter my bookshelf is. Sure people think I'm some sort of public f*cking library...but I generally get my books back. Audrey.

9. Do one thing a day for you. Maybe its your nails, maybe its going to the gym, getting outside for a walk, taking a bubble bath, having a glass of wine (red is heart smart) - one thing a day just for you.

10. Read my blog. Its full of knowledge. Look at all the things that you learned today! And also I'm desperate for approval. I almost put a winking face there to conspiratorially show you that I was joking. Sort of.

So thats that. Hey look, 10! For the 10 years since I was 15 and laid out my very modest life plan. Clever. Maybe none of this is wise, maybe I just like to hear myself talk. Probably. Why else would I have my own blog? Please.

I'm gonna have a glass of chocolate milk.

Happy Birthday to me!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Today, We Drink

Today is my favourite holiday of the year. Besides my birthday. Which I think should be a holiday because usually people are hungover on my birthday. If you have not been paying attention, my birthday is tomorrow.

As I am not in the office tomorrow (f*ckeneh) I am celebrating my birthday today. Privately of course. I wouldn't want the office overlords to have to exert themselves and send around a card for everyone to sign.

Don't worry, my expectations are low. Even though I am obnoxious about my birthday and easily the most awesome person in the office (I suffer from low self esteem) I can see how it would be easy to forget. Or just not recognize it because I'm not actually here on my birthday. Jerks.

Anyway. Today it is St. Patrick's Day. And I miss Mary Kate. Mary Kate is from Ireland. Today is her national holiday. In her honour, today I told Maurice that Leprechaun is pronounced Le-pru-shen (she always used to do this to people in bars). I also made him wear a green shirt. I told everyone to. Or I would pinch them. Anna backed me up. I think we're both secretly hoping that Veronica forgets. As it is, she is wearing teal. What's the verdict on that people? Is teal considered green? It seems more blue to me...

But back to Mary Kate. There is an Irish pub around the corner and we went to it on our St Patrick's Day (we only got one together). We ordered a drink and it took about 40 minutes to find us. So we had to chug our drinks. And come back to the office kind of buzzed. Best afternoon ever.

But now, sans Mary Kate and with Anna in school every morning, there is no one to drink with me No one that wouldn't defile the memories created in the pub. Sad isn't it? I'm going to have to spend the entire day, my psuedo-office-birthday-that-no-one-will-recognize-which-also-happens-to-be-the-greatest-drinking-nation's-drinking-holiday, sober.

I will have to make the most of it with my sunny work attitude. I'm wearing green (obviously. And not some heinous attempt at green either. Perfect kelly green), I put make up on (which I haven't done at work since last year) and I bought a headband at Old Navy for the occasion. It has a little leprechaun (le-pru-shen) hat perched at a jaunty angle. And although it seems to be cutting off the circulation to my brain somewhat (not like I need to think here, so no big deal) I'm totally rocking it. And you're jealous that you don't have one.

My sister sure was.

She is 13. And she goes to a school where she needs to wear a uniform. But once a month they have a "Spirit Day" when they get to wear their own clothes. Its usually a themed day and what with the threat of being pinched rife in the air, she asked me if she could borrow that headband I got for St. Patty's day? Um. When did you think I was going to wear it? At Easter?

In the end she came over and borrowed some green shirts. Shirts that I realized I had accumulated for the express purpose of wearing to the bar to get drunk on St Patrick's. Not sure what this says about me? That I'm lots of fun and don't like to pay for drinks? Let's go with that. I'm also not sure how I should feel about passing on these "drinking" shirts to my little sister...

Low expectations are the order of the day. Besides the initial excitement over everyone's choice of green accoutrements, I'm sure that today will be just like any other day trapped in the Cubicle. But at least there is the promise of heavy drinking when the day is done.

Happy St Patty's everybody! We're all Irish today!

Oh! And PS I got the BEST text ever last night. I needed wrapping paper so I had called The Boyfriend during the day to see if we had any at home. He had called back to tell me to check at the store on my way home. When I was on the bus home, I got a text from him that said "No raped at store". No word of a lie that was his text. Naturally I was thrilled that he wasn't raped at the store. He actually meant to tell me that there hadn't been any paper. But I liked the first text better.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Two More Days To Survive

Alright, so I made it to Monday! Big props to me for not going balistic in the office yesterday. It was close. But I made it to the other side and now I only have to get through today and tomorrow before 2 glorious days of freedom. To celebrate me.


Do you know what's awesome? When your manager guilts someone into staying in the office after they mention that they are unwell. Awesome no? It happened. Is that your surprised face? I don't have a surprised face in the office anymore.Everything that happens here, that in other offices would warrant a surprised face, (like the accusation of racism, the taking away of vacation days, the lack of a raise etc) is just par for the course. Obviously that would happen! What did you think that she would be concerned for your wellbeing and send you home? HA!

I suppose you need some details to fully get the picture.

So there is Anna, who you all love. Anna is busting her butt to go to school every morning for several hours before she comes here to put in a full days' work. She doesn't leave the office until 8pm. Every day. She has been doing this for a couple of weeks now and has been open about the fact that she actually enjoys the hours. She gets a lot more done when its quiet in the office (ie when no one else is here to f*ck up production. How weird that when none of the people "in charge" are around, stuff gets done!).

But yesterday she was feeling unwell. Probably because of all the disgusting germ factories that have been coming into the office to leave trails of germiness all over everything. Anyway, she's in the office working away and in the middle of the day she starts to feel really ill. So she lets Amy know that she isn't feeling well and asks if she can go home early.

Amy's response?

"Maybe we should look at adjusting your schedule if you are feeling unwell?"

I should clarify that this wasn't an attempt at concern, that maybe Anna is working too hard. No. Amy is concerned about the lost production so she wants to, probably force Anna to take her lunch and stay an extra hour, or work Saturdays. Because that's how the stony-faced little beyotch works.

Forget the fact that she just sent out an email letting people know that if they were sick they needed to stay at home. And now she is a) questioning the validity of the complaint and b) forcing someone that is unwell to stay in the office.

Management at its finest kids.

I recently saw a girl on facebook update her status with "I want a big girl job". Another girl commented that she loved her job. And I'm left wondering (after commenting that I'm happy for her that she loves her job but also I hate her a little for the same reason) where are these mythical jobs? I keep hearing about them, but I have yet to come across one for myself. What am I doing wrong?

Well obviously right now I'm not really looking. Its like going to the animal shelter and looking at puppies when you are in no way in a position to get a puppy (incidentally The Boyfriend did that to me once. He thought it would be fun and that I would enjoy looking at the puppies. I left wanting to cry because I couldn't save just one puppy from doggie jail)- it's just not on. If I found the perfect job, knowing that I was in no position to apply for that job right now (its called getting a mortgage. Apparently we need my pithy income to make it work), I would be devastated.

So I sit in my Cubicle, watching my bus take people to my home (seriously, I can see my bus go by my window all day long. Every single time I wish I was on that bus), looking across the street at the people working in their offices, wondering what they do and if they like it and hope that one day, one day soon, I won't be working here anymore and I will actually enjoy coming to work.

When I'm finally in another job, I will begin my next project: Project Puppy. That one has got to be a lot more fun right?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Common Sense Need Not Apply

Its 3 days til the big day! We're excited. And by we I mean everyone around me. Because I said so.

There is of course more significance attached to the fact that its the best day of the year on Thursday. I have it and Friday off. Which means...only 3 days to get through here. The best gift of all.

Fittingly enough, when I walked in here this morning, it smelled like sh*t. I'm not exaggerating, this isn't some metaphor for genuinely smelled like sh*t. I actually looked around to see if there wasn't a festering pile of it somewhere. Who knows? Maybe they brought their dogs in to "work" again this weekend (last time they did that they spent the day playing fetch with their dogs. Yes, they do get paid for doing that) and someone had an accident.

Maybe it was Maurice's breakfast.

Whatever the case may have been, the smell, thankfully, is gone.

To be replaced with a chorus of nose blowing and lung hacking. Is there anything better on a Monday morning than the sweet, sweet sounds of lung hacking? And aren't you supposed to blow your nose in private? Do you enjoy sounding like a trumpet swan in front of your co-workers? Do you think your co-workers love the sounds of your nasty, germy snot being shot out of your nose?

If you are that sick, do us all a favour and stay the F home.

Amazing how such simple, common sense things are completely disregarded in a day to day office existence.

For instance, if someone is quietly reading in a corner of the lunchroom, perhaps they don't want to be bothered. Maybe you don't need to sit right beside them (when all the other seats are empty) and start chattering away about lord knows what. They probably wanted some peace and quiet. Which you are ruining.

If you ask someone to do a job for you, but you don't train them, maybe don't be an a-hole when they don't complete the job totally correctly. You probably should have taken 5 more minutes and explained things properly. On the other hand, sometimes people understand the job and you don't need to continue to hover or explain in other words. Like say you have a list, and you want to mark it with the names of people to take care of it. And there are 2 names, and you want to alternate the names, I think Mary Kate gets it. I don't think you need to keep coming back and saying "ok so you start with Bob. And then the next one is...Fred. And then...Bob again. And then...that's right! Fred". (That was an example taken from the glory days when the d-bag-manager-with-no-first-name was in charge. And yes, it actually happened pretty much exactly like that)

If I ask you, my supervisor, a question and you pass me off to someone else to answer it, you do not get to then not like the answer and change the process. OK? You passed it off, I did it the way I was told. If you want to change it, because you should have answered the question in the first place, then you can make the corrections.

Finally, even though I will ask about your cruise John, it doesn't mean I care. I'm being polite. I've heard it works. Perhaps you would like to give it a shot sometimes? No, no, this doesn't mean we're friends, or even that I respect you. Mostly it means that I don't want to be subjected to staring at your ugly mug close up while we have a meeting about attitude or some such other bull crap excuse to tear me down.


Basically if you want to work here, leave your common sense at the door. Don't have common sense? Perfect, come on in.

PS Agata, I ran out and got Bitter Is The New Black. Excellent recommendation. I haven't laughed that loud at a book in a while. Genius.

Friday, March 12, 2010

John Is An Ass

This morning I put my socks on while I was standing up. For normal people, probably not a big deal. For someone without any kind of balance, not a good idea. So I didn't fall (barely) but as soon as it happened this is the thought that went through my head:

Wow. I totally almost fell there. If I had, I totally would have hit my head on the counter. I wonder if I would have passed out? Not like they would know at work if I did or didn't pass out. Man, if I had fallen and hit my head, I totally could have called in to work! Damn it, why didn't I fall?

Sad right? This thought process happens pretty often. In fact as I was heading out the door and saw that no attempt had been made to clear any of the snow off the path to the bus I thought:

I could totally fall here. Its pretty slippery. If I fell my butt would get soaked. I might twist an ankle. Throw my back out. I'd have to crawl home. But then...I could call it in.

This is where I'm at now. We better hurry up and find a new place to live because after ON, I'm out of here.

Its not really surprising that I'm itching to get out of here.Yesterday I was sitting in the lunchroom and found out some more despicable things about John and this office. And it made me angry. Which means that I have to share it. So that you too can be outraged.

There is this woman in the office that has seriously been kicked in the box by life. I've never talked about her before because really bad things happen to her. As a result she is not too stable. You know? Some days she is your best friend, the next she doesn't acknowledge your presence. She cries at her desk and makes really bad decisions when it comes to the opposite sex. She also happens to make beautiful and delicious cakes for office birthdays. She doesn't get any money from people to do it and last year the office didn't recognize her birthday. She's a really good person and for whatever reason, John and Amy love to kick her when she is down.

So a couple of weeks ago I found her crying at her desk and I asked her what was wrong but she wouldn't tell me. I gave her a hug and sat with her for a few minutes but not wanting to make things worse or get told off, I had to walk away. About a half hour later she left for the day. And didn't come back for a couple of days after that.

Yesterday she told me why.

John and Amy hauled her in an office to accuse her of making racist remarks in the lunchroom. Now this woman may be a lot of things, but one thing she isn't is a racist. There are a lot of off colour comments made in this office, but always in jest. Always. And this woman is never a part of that. Ever. They took the word of a newbie, that is a) an idiot and b) constantly in violation of the dress code over someone that they have worked with for the better part of 3 years.

John felt the need to go further and tell her, this unstable, emotional, train wreck of a woman that has spent a lot of time and effort and money making birthday cakes for everyone in the office, that 30% of these people, don't even like her.

Now why? Why?? Is it necessary to tell someone that? Kick her when she's down much??

I'm at a complete loss. I mean, I already knew that John was a dickhead, but he has just taken it to a whole new level. Why does he make everything so personal? Talking to someone about their work ethic is one thing, dress code even. But when you tell someone a) that they are a racist (when they aren't) and b) that no one likes them...that's personal. That's no longer about anything to do with the office, that's just a personal vendetta that you take some kind of pleasure in acting on.

I don't know how he ended up in charge. As far as I know, he has no management credentials. He wore adult braces and used to be this non-important person that knew how to work a spreadsheet. But like all viruses he managed to find someway to spread his disease, and now he's in charge. Once again, Amy was his little b*tch and didn't stand up for her staff. She should not let John have these little pow wows as she sits impassively by. But she does. Because she is spineless.

Its Friday. Thank f*ck.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

All Black King Penguin

You know that saying about winter, that it comes in like a lion and out like a lamb?

Its a lie.

This is particularly funny because 3 weeks ago the city was desperate for snow on the local mountains. Now, not only are the mountains getting dumped on, but there is snow in residential areas as well. Ah, the West Coast. You just never know what its going to do weatherwise.

Anyway, considering how people drive in the snow out here its nothing short of a miracle that I even made it to the office in one piece.

Stupid miracle.

The Record just emailed me that they aren't running the buses up to my house anymore. They are shuttling people. I shouldn't have taken the ride!

Well I'm here now. Might as well dig in and get some work done. So far I have read through my emails (thank you ladies for your emails first thing), sent some long winded responses and started my blog post. I'm kicking a$$ and taking names.

Yesterday the most amazing thing happened. This thing never happens. Its like an all black King Pengiun . It can happen, it just almost never does. I can thank all the diseases that arrived here with the Olympic tourists--whatever it was, it came into the office and knocked us all down one by one. For days. Everyone except Amy.

John has been away all week (on another cruise. I'm still hoping for some kind of overboard incident) so that's already been a nice change. Then yesterday, Amy called in sick.

She never does that. I'm not sure if she is just the healthiest person ever, if its a mind over matter thing, or if she is just really good at hiding when she is actually sick, but I think since I have been here she might have called in sick maybe 5 times. In 2 years. Impressive right?

Or stupid. Lady, you need the break.

So yesterday, Amy and John were both gone. Veronica was in charge.

As soon as word spread that Amy wouldn't be in the office, I swear you could feel the mood lightening. All of a sudden, odd sounds were coming from all around me.

Laughter and conversation.

When Amy is here the whip is cracked. The sound of laughter is quickly stifled (often at great physical harm to ourselves, like when I'm stealthily reading a funny blog), and conversations die on our lips.

But in her eagerness to show us that she is a fun boss, Veronica gives us free reign. I think if you look at our production yesterday...its probably crap. One time when Veronica ended up in charge, they took photos of themselves wrapped in bubble wrap. Veronica then emailed them to John. I don't think John was very impressed. But I had a good chuckle at Veronica's misguided attempts at being popular on both sides of the manager's desk.

So yesterday, against all odds, I found myself almost enjoying work. My natural joy and sunny personality (*cough cough*) were allowed free reign. It felt strange. But right. People were cracking jokes, setting up pranks (there is a plan in place to cover Maurice's desk with photocopied pictures of Josh Duhamel. Why? Because), talking about current events. Things that go on in normal offices, where happening here. Which totally threw me off. But I did start to enjoy it. Might also have been helped by the delicious brownie I found.

Today Amy is back though. She's wearing all grey, to match the dismal weather outside. Its like she knew she needed to set the tone for seriousness after yesterday's mayhem.

I'm finding it hard to concentrate on the task at hand though. I know the office universe is right again, but I don't like it. I definitely preferred the atmosphere yesterday. A taste of what working life could be perhaps?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Why I Get Out Of Bed

If you are expecting some touching and emotional reason for my getting out of bed, you will be disappointed.

Ever have that feeling like you would rather stay in bed than go to work? Do you ever battle your inner self re: the pros vs. the cons of staying or going?

I do this pretty much every day. Every morning I have to have a conversation with myself about going to work. Obviously its very cozy in my bed which makes it difficult to get out. Even worse on the mornings when The Boyfriend doesn't have to go to work because then its all snuggly too. And obviously I don't like my job. This makes it even more difficult to convince my very skeptical inner self to get out of bed.

My inner self is very lazy. Given the chance she would totally stay home all day watching daytime TV in her bathrobe. So she puts up quite a fuss when I set foot outside my bed and go through the daily rigamarole of getting ready.

So why do I do it? How do I get around my persuasive, lazy inner self?

I have to think of reasons for coming to work. I have to get pretty creative. It started with simple thins like "you just had a sick day last week". You gotta start somewhere right? Even though I hate pretty well everything about this job and most of the people, I still feel bad about taking sick days. That's just the way I am. Its that work ethic. Very annoying.

So I guess reason #1 for coming to work: Self Preservation. I'm not an idiot (despite what I look like). I have been paying attention the past year or so and I realize that I'm lucky to have a paycheque coming in regularly. Sure its soul destroying but its money in the bank. And I would like to keep that going. So in an effort not to get fired, here I am. Day in and (almost) day out.

My time here in the Cubicle has been made somewhat easier to bear with Anna here going through the same thing. So reason #2 is Anna. Sure she is off bettering herself now and I don't really get to see her anymore. But when she is here there is someone else that realizes the ridiculousity (is too a word) of this place and the people that run it. On mornings when I really think I'm going to call it in, I think about Anna's sad face when she realizes I'm not there. I know what this face looks like because I wear it when she calls it in.

There is strength in numbers right? It feels good to know that there are other people who's souls are slowly dying because of work. So reason #3 is the Record. I suffer in my Cubicle and I know she suffers in hers (send her good thoughts today- she is on the road with her Overshare coworker) and so we email. We email about the oversharers, we make plans for outside of work, we ramble and sometimes she even inspires posts. So for the Record, I come to work.

When I don't come to work, I don't blog. So reason #4 is you, this blog, and the blogs that I like to read while I'm here. Your words lift me up, make me laugh, or make good points. I enjoy posting on this here blog, even if at least half the time what I'm saying makes no sense, isn't funny or interesting, and is mostly just a collection of words that may or may not have meaning for just me. The other half of the time its youtube videos. Aren't you proud that you make me get out of bed?

And because I like to do these things in groups of 3 or 5....reason #5 for coming to work is Extracurricular Activities. Sometimes I will schedule lunch dates, or dinner plans in the city, so that I know that I have to be at work to keep these appointments. Added bonus--I get to see my friends and/or family. There have even been times when I register myself for an evening class (I'm taking another one in April- Managing the Blogosphere! I can't wait!) so that I have to go to work to get to the fun class after. Genius right? Well, kind of sad that this is how I have to motivate myself for work. But. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Is it Bring Your Kid to Work Day? One of the managers (actually one of my favourites, but I don't get to work for her) brought her daughter to work today. I guess she's in grade 9? This would be fine in and of itself. But guess what she's doing? Shadowing Veronica! And guess who's totally stoked about it and announcing "Look! I have someone shadowing me today!" to everyone? Yeah. That's going to get old. Fast. Plus its like a new person starting, where suddenly we-all-love-being-at-work- and-its- so-much-fun-here-look-at-us-we're-all-laughing-and-joking-and-we're-all-friends-here. Please. I just had breakfast, I'd rather not throw up. Thanks.

I'm sure the daughter is a lovely girl. She seems sweet. She just shouldn't be subjected to Veronica. And I shouldn't be subjected to Veronica's...what would you call it? Veronica's veronicaness.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Do you ever just listen to what is going on in the office? People have some pretty messed up conversations. It can be interesting. It can make you laugh. It can make you roll your eyes. But you always learn something.

Yesterday was a particularly good day for eavesdropping in my office. I just can't keep vital information like this to myself, so I am choosing you lot to share it with. That's right, you have been chosen. Feels good doesn't it?

Ugh, before I begin can I just relate something equally nauseating? You will no doubt be thrilled to know that this past weekend was the 4th anniversary of the founding of thisdepartment. I know right? BIG deal. Anyway, Veronica and Amy are the only original members of the department (there were 4 to start with. That's right, half of them are still here) so they are the only ones that really care.

They get each other presents. And cards. For real.

I guess this could be sweet. But mostly it irritates me because for the past 2 weeks I have had to hear about the pending anniversary. And how this actually means that we need to celebrate Amy and Veronica. And now I have to listen to them open their gifts. At work, on work time, and ooh and aah and show off to everyone else. None of us have presents. Not that I care to taint the month of march with an anniversary of such low calibre. I have bigger fish to fry. Like my birthday. I would tell you what they got, but let's be honest, you don't care, I don't care--so what would be the purpose?

Now. Onto to the eavesdropping.

First up, a conversation between Olga and Veronica. Olga, you may remember is my least favourite new person . Apparently she went to the States this weekend too and came back with something awesome that she showed Veronica. Veronica was impressed and mentioned that Olga seems to have really good luck finding awesome things in the States and maybe they should go down there together (and be awesome).

Now as far as I can tell, something is wrong with Olga. And I'm pretty sure that Veronica agrees with this so I don't know why she would put herself in that situation. But saying that and following through are 2 different things. Its like seeing someone from highschool and saying you should have coffee. You should, doesn't mean you will.

So I was surprised when Veronica said she was going down on the 20th. A concrete date was offered. Olga jumped all over it: "Do you mind if I tag along?".

Veronica was trapped. She couldn't get out of it. They actually made arrangements of some kind. I don't know that it will actually happen but it made me roll my eyes and congratulate myself that, at least it wasn't me.

Sometimes you're having lunch and people tell you things about themselves that you probably did not need to know. Protein in your urine, how much sex you had on the weekend, the funny rash all over your body-- these things are probably best kept to yourself. Or discussed with a health care professional. Then there are the family issues.

Yesterday, out of nowhere, I learned that a girl that I work with's dad killed a man.

I think we were discussing the deadbeat dads on 16 and Pregnant. And out of nowhere she's all "I didn't know who my dad was because my mom didn't want us talking about him, you know, because of the whole he-killed-a-man-thing".

I have no further commentary to offer on that.

And finally, I always knew Turd Fergason was a dipsh*t. But I wasn't totally aware of how big a sh*t he was until yesterday.

So we all know that TF is Amy's brother, and John's coffee b*tch. Consequently, he is untouchable. And has been around forever. Amy and Veronica are good friends and another girl, who has been here almost from the start, Pamela is also good friends with Amy. So she knows TF pretty well.

Anyway, Pamela is what one would describe as "hot ". She also happens to be the sweetest girl in the world. She was helping a friend look for a new job. She talks to TF, who says that he has a friend that is looking for a receptionist. (I should tell you all that I heard this all as Pamela was describing the conversation to Veronica--so, not firsthand) Pamela sends the resume to TF to forward to his friend and Turd comes back with "Is your friend on facebook?".

Pamela: I don't want you creeping my friends on facebook Turd.
Turd: No no, its not that. I just want to see what she looks like.
Pamela: Why does that matter?
Turd: Well they are looking for a Milestones kind of girl for the job (For those of you that don't know what a Milestones girl is: its a hot girl that works at a Milestones. They only hire hot girls so that the men keep coming back. Gross right?)
Pamela: It shouldn't matter what she looks like as long as she can do the job!

At this point, Turd said something about how they were looking for a certain kind of girl because they were hoping to attract a certain kind of male clientele. Although I'm sure that Pamela's friend is equally hot, she wasn't doing her friend any favours going on about what a great personality she had.

I'm not sure how it all ended. Pamela sounded pretty ticked off about the whole thing. As she should be. I'm kind of gobsmacked that those kind of hiring practices are even allowed to exist! I actually don't think they are, but who's going to prove that someone got passed over because they weren't hot enough?

The whole thing makes me sick. I'm kind of surprised too. I assumed that Turd's gorgeous wife was just a beard.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Stale Cupcake

Because I am in denial about its being Monday I thought it might be fun to relive my weekend and the Oscars.

It doesn't really matter if you're with me or not. For a couple of reasons. First because I'm in charge around here and what I say goes. And then because there is nothing noteworthy going on around here. And finally...see number one.

If I ruled the world I would get rid of Mondays. And the phrase "Somebody's got a case of the Mondays" because thats annoying and if someone really does have a case of the Mondays they are likely to hurt you for pointing it out.Mondays probably wouldn't be as bad (they will always be kind of bad) if I was able to sleep Sunday nights. But I am not. So Mondays are a combination of being the furthest away from the weekend and sleep deprivation. And when I don't sleep...well people around me have a tendency of getting hurt.

On the bright side (Anna, I've resorted to bright siding myself because you are not here. I really think you should reconsider this school thing and come back to me full time) Amy just brought me a tiny cupcake. I enjoy cupcakes. And its being tiny makes it that much more delicious. All pink frosted and sprinkled like.

So the weekend. Basically I went to the States and bought nothing. Well thats not entirely true. I bought a little striped shirt dress thing and a headband for St Patricks day. It has a little leprechaun hat on it, set at an angle. And its adorable. St Patricks day is an important day in my calendar year because its celebration turns into a celebration of me. My birthday is the day after you see, and while it does suck to be hungover on your birthday, it is also awesome to be able to celebrate your birthday the moment it happens. And also to make everyone else celebrate me too. It'd be like having your birthday on January 1st. Except better because St Patricks day is messier and less expensive.

I have been told that I'm not shopping right if I can't buy anything in the States. But I just don't enjoy shopping. I get bored of it really quick. About an hour after our arrival at the Outlets I was ready to go home. But if we had gone home then we never would have had a chance to go to the Olive Garden. And what a waste of a trip that would have been.

I'd go into detail about the whole border experience, but after my transit authority escapade, I'm wary of mentioning these things. I might get deported. Well I wouldn't...but....well anyway.

So the cupcake wasn't actually that delicious. Fail.

Now the Oscars. Normally I make a point of watching the big movies and the big performances so that I have a leg to stand on when making my predictions. This year...totally failed at that. Oddly enough, my predictions were more right on though...probably because I wasn't prejudiced? I think I saw Avatar and Inglourious Basterds and that might have been it? Like I said, failure. The important thing here is that I was more right than The Boyfriend. I still watch a) because I have a need to know whats happening and b) because of all the pretty shiny things on the red carpet.

Anyway I spent 2 hours of my life flipping between various red carpet shows. I thought I could see everyone's dress that way. Wrong. I saw a lot of men (I don't care what you say, they all basically look the same in their suits. Hot. But same) but not many dresses. And besides who wins, its all about who's wearing what. Fine, talk amongst yourselves but show me dresses while you do it damn it.

The CTV coverage had Ben Mulroney (*cringe*) interviewing only Canadians which....while they definitely had a strong showing this year...yawn. And then there was that whole red dress thing- good cause but its taking up dress showing time.

And don't even get me started on Kathy Ireland. Her hair was a disaster and what the hell was with that hand? Her one hand was so stiff, its like she had botoxed her whole body. And her comments? Please. No more Kathy Ireland. Please.

The show itself was alright. Wasn't crazy about the opening number, the monologue was good (though they were booed with the whole Toyota joke eh? Calm down people- the cars did have a faulty gas pedal. Kind of a big deal) but after that...the presenters were nervous and I thought the whole show had kind of a hastily slapped together vibe.

And what about the In Memoriam segment. No Farrah Fawcett! How can you leave Farrah Fawcett out? She died on the same day as Michael Jackson and she was actually in movies. She was great in Man of the House (with JTT and Chevy Chase- you remember?)! But seriously, Academy, not cool.

In the end I'm just glad that something beat Avatar. And that a woman finally won for Best Director. Just in time for International Women's Day (its today for those of you not in the know)!

The sun is shining and I'm on a mission for shoes (Oxfords I saw at Aldo in the states- they didn't have my size. Sad face) so I'ma leave it for there today. A departure for sure, but hopefully not an unwelcome one?

(Be my twitter friend so I can update you in real time on all the things I'm thinking.)

Friday, March 5, 2010

Dear Jerk

Today I was struggling for something to write about. I feel like its been a super uneventful week in the Cubicle (which, considering I'm still recovering from my death plague I guess I should be grateful for) so there hasn't been too much to complain or write about. But because I am a professional (whiner) I am always able to find something. Even if I make sh*t up.

But what I really want to do is rant. At people. And since it made me feel all warm and fuzzy when I did this back in January, I think that today I will end the week with another set of Dear Person-Who-Makes-My-Work-Life-Miserable notes. Everybody likes a little note. It makes them feel special.

Some may surprise you, most will not. You should try it too. Its a hell of a way to end the work week!


Dear Anna,

How dare you abandon me for half days while you better yourself! You are a selfish, mean spirited girl who apparently cares nothing for me. I don't care that you are not meant to spend your days wasting your talents in a sh*thole like this, pay attention to me! While you are off slicing veggies and stabbing your hand, I am stuck here ALONE. Do you know what its like to be here without you? I have never been without a buddy here-- first there was MK, then there was that period of time where I was trying out a bunch of people and kind of got stuck with that crazy for a while, and now there is you. You need to take your buddy responsibilities more seriously. Jerk.



Dear Maurice,

You don't make my life miserable, you brighten it up. I really like your new haircut. Snazzy. Although I'm a little disappointed that you went for straight laced this time and there are no designs shaved into the sides of your tentative mohawke. And you're not wearing your lime green shirt today, which, as you know, is my favourite. But you amuse me nonetheless. I know you don't mean to, but you do. Keep on shining.



Dear People-at-The-Record's-Office,

Stop being dumba$$es. Stop taking advantage of her awesomeness. Clearly you are unable to do your job effectively but that doesn't give you the authority to dump your problems all on her. Don't use the word "mommy" as an adjective- everyone gets it, you got knocked up. An office baby shower is only fun for you, everyone else came for the cake. I understand that you think you are better than her because you live in the boonies and know where everything is, but here's the thing: you live in the boonies and the Record doesn't. From where I'm standing, you are at a disadvantage. She will never live out there. She won't even be in that office a year from now. You should be thankful that she deigns to work in your crummy office. Worship her- she is Queen.



Dear Veronica,

I feel like we have come a long way in our relationship. But I still have some issues. I just overheard you on the phone. This is what you said "Hi Daddy. I forgot to tell you, you don't have to clean my car today". Really? I know that when you got your car you were all "now I have a bill to pay, I'm like a grown up" but let me tell you, you're not. You have a car, but your dad still picks you up and apparently he's cleaning it for you as well. Not ok. I know that you get a lot of emails daily (yesterday you were going through the ones from February, not sure why you are collecting months' worth of emails to look at at once...we work with time sensitive material but I guess thats just more of that pesky common sense coming up eh?) and that it helps you think when you read them out loud...but here's the thing: don't. For all that is holy would you please READ IN YOUR HEAD? As for your sitting in on a meeting chastizing someone for violating the dress code-- you have got to be f*cking kidding me. Here's the thing Pot- you're probably the worst offender. There are the flip flops, the sneakers, the fact that I have been able to see the tops of your bra-- the list goes on. And you are a supervisor so its so much worse coming from you. Smarten up ok?



Dear John,

I'm going to start with a general F*ck You. I'm not really sure what your purpose was sitting in on my review meeting. Mostly there just to smile like the damn Chesshire cat and f*ck up my day weren't you? Since you had nothing really important to say, I'm confused about the need for your presence. I guess its about time that you look busy eh? What with all the execs around all the time--how do you explain your paycheque to them? Look busy. I get it. I just hate you. And that gold tie on Tuesday. That looked ridiculous. I mean, yes, you have come a long way from your adult braces...but gold is not your colour. In fact I'm thinking that gold ties really only work on Donald Trump and hockey commentators on the morning of gold medal games. Your lurking is really getting out of hand too John. I don't know how you have the time to pop up all over the office and just "chat" with people. Leave us all alone, we have work to do you know? I mean you're the one that is all "don't socialize, focus on the work" and then you float around the office doing exactly the opposite of that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm stoked that you are going on vacation this week. Beyond stoked--it means I don't have to see your ugly mug around the office for a while. But here's where I get annoyed. When you start telling me that you are going on yet another cruise, I lose interest. Didnt you just come back from one? Oh that one was different? Different how? Oh your in-laws were along? Yeah I can see how being on vacation with in-laws makes a difference. No sorry, I lied. Makes no difference to me. I hope they made it miserable for you. See I only get 3 weeks vacation thanks to you. So sorry that I'm not more empathetic to your plight. And yes, John, Anna and I are using emails to communicate now. You know why? Because you ruin everything else. And if we don't get to talk to each other, well basically, neither of us have anything left in the office that we like. So we don't appreciate your smug face and your f*cking comments about the "new way of talking". Go on your damn cruise. I hope you fall overboard.



Well folks there you go. I think last time was better. But you work with what you can right? I hope you enjoy your weekend-- I'm going to try and buy stuff in the states and then not pay duty on them on the way back. Those border guards can be tough though so wish me luck! Oh and Oscars this weekend!! Stoked!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Passive Aggressive Disciplinary Emails

Today we are going to talk about how to write the perfect passive aggressive disciplinary email. Why? Because I'm in charge of the blog.

In my line of work, its necessary (and obviously part of the manager's job description) to send out these kinds of emails about petty things, like food smells, socializing and 5 minute lateness. Why? Well if they didn't, there would be mayhem in the office. People would eat what they wanted, talk to each other--they might even start enjoying work. That can't happen. Think of the lost productivity!

So management has become pretty damn expert at sending out these emails. I'd say its necessary at least once a month, just to keep everyone in line.

Now I'm nothing if not a sharer of vital information, so here is a breakdown of how to send your very own passive aggressive disciplinary email. I think it would have had more impact, more pinache, if I had capitalized it, like given it a bona fide title. But I'm too far gone now, just gotta carry on.

1. Blanket the Email. You definitely don't want to make anyone feel left out so send the email to everyone in the department. There might just be a few people that are time or dress code offenders so best to just send it out to everyone. This has the added benefit of pointing the finger at those offenders because everyone knows that Tim is 10 minutes late every day and Nathan wears hats all the time. (Nathan is a real person with a fake name, Tim doesn't exist).

2. Open Lightheartedly. No one likes a disciplinary email, so start light. Open with a reason. Something like "We have had a lot of new people start lately so I thought it was a good time to go over some basic office protocol!" or "The weather has been really warm lately and we want to keep things 'cool' in the office so its a good time to just go over a few things!". The use of exclamation marks really keeps things light, almost like you're excited about the email. And believe me, that excitement is contagious!

3. Insert Copy & Pasted Protocol. Now that you have added a personal greeting for everyone in your department, you can just copy and paste all the info you want to pass along into the email. It doesn't matter that its way too much information for everyone to take in! They will get the gist of it. Copy and paste that long passage about dress code--make sure you list all the parts that the department supervisor flouts all the time. Nothing says "we mean business" like a supervisor that doesn't play by the rules. Has someone been 5 minutes late this week? Don't forget that part about lateness! The whole office will know who you are talking about and make doubly sure not to be called out like that themselves. If you are feeling particularly creative you can add your own words. Like if there has been too much chatting, people are feeling a little too content at work you can say something like "other departments have been commenting that the noise levels in the office have been going up and its affecting their production! Let's try and keep it down and be more conscious of other people's work habits." But remember, only if you are feeling creative.

4. Spelling and Grammar Don't Count! You're the manager! Spelling? Grammar? That's for the minions! Sending otu a passive agressive email is a a lot fo work, you dont have time to check the spelling or grmamar! Plus, you mkae the point sso much beetter when its hard to deciperh what you mean.

5. End on a High Note! Now that you've made your point, wrap it all up with an encouraging message. Something like "I know we've all been working really hard to catch up, so just keep these things in mind and we'll get there faster!" or "The weather is gorgeous so let's focus in the office and enjoy the weather on our own time!" goes a long way towards taking the sting out of all that "rule" stuff.

So now you have accomplished a few things. You have taken control of the department, knocked the staff down a few pegs (they were getting too big for their britches anyway. If you keep them down, they work harder), and shown your superiors that you have what it takes to move up even further.

Oh- its Cold and Flu season! So as a bonus to your passive aggressive disciplinary email, you could send out a "Wellness Reminder". This email shows the department that you are concerned for their health by noting that there have been a lot of absences due to sickness recently. That if people are really sick, they should of course, stay home! When you are in the office, make sure to cough in your elbow, and wash your hands often to help make sure that you don't get others sick! After all, healthy employees are happy employees. And you don't want to get behind again! (Obviously what you really mean is that you can't afford to keep paying for sick days and lost productivity. Hopefully this email will guilt them all into staying healthy. Or at least still coming into work.)

I really feel like now you are ready to send out your very own passive aggressive disciplinary emails. Don't worry if people are a little subdued around you after you send it--that means its working!!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Woe is Wednesday

Well this morning is off to a roaring f*cking start. I've been here 30 minutes and already have the desire to strangle someone.

Why is is that you can have the best intentions for your day, you can enjoy the unseasonably mild weather, enjoy your bus ride in, be buoyed by the fact that the previous day went by quickly, know that you have work to get done and it should make the day go by relatively painlessly and then your manager can walk in and sh*t all over your day?

Why is that? And why was that the longest sentence ever?

Normally Amy doesn't bother me too much. I have way more issues with Veronica than I do with Amy. Sure, Amy doesn't tell you anything about herself, you never know where you stand and she works with her brother...but generally if I get my work done she doesn't really have any problems with me.

When she came by this morning for her morning "round" (no she isn't a doctor) I was all set to be cheerful and nice, letting her know that I would get these reminders all done for when John had to run his report later today and then I would get to the small stack of corrections someone left me last week.

Since I have never had these corrections before I don't know what to do with them. Turns out that I printed the old documents, then a new document was processed and then someone checked them to make sure they were right. Seems a little backwards non? Anyway, I got some back and one of them, I made a point of letting Amy know, I thought was kind of silly to give back to me since I can't make the corrections on the new document.

The conversation went kind of like this:

me: OK so this one- I see that I missed noting that they wanted automatic payment, now someone has noted that it is supposed to be automatic, so...why is this back with me? Shouldn't the processor get it back and make it automatic?
Amy: Well no, you need to check that its right.
me: But that's what the person with the sticky notes did- they checked it, its automatic, now it needs to be automatic.
Amy: But you need to check it.
me: You want me to check it a 3rd time even though I missed it the first time and have been told that I missed it because the system says that it should be automatic?
Amy: yes.
me: Doesn't that seem kind of like busy work? I mean this has been on my desk for how many days? And it could have been processed by now.
Amy: Well you need to know that you have made a mistake so you don't just shrug it off.
me: I'm going to be honest, I'm just going to shrug it off anyway because I have been doing these for a while and never gotten anything back and its one that I don't think should have made it back to my desk to sit here for however many days.
Amy: Well you need to know that you made a mistake and you need to double check it to make sure that the information is correct.

So we went back and forth, round and round like this for a while. There was more to it, thhey changed the process and didn't tell me so now I have rework. But basically I put an end to it by telling her, fine, thats how it is.


Oh yeah, I whatevered her. In my head though. I don't have a death wish. Well I don't have a wish to be hauled into a meeting with her and John right when they are deciding on my raise.

But is she serious? Someone checked it, noticed that I missed info that I can't correct now, passed it back to me so that I could what? Pass it onto the person that can correct it? Is this an efficient use of my time?

None of this probably makes any sense to you. If Anna were here I would vent to her and you probably wouldn't even be subject to this right now. But she isn't and if I didn't let it out I would surely explode. So. You have no choice.

Maybe this wouldn't bother me so much if a) I didn't have any hopes for a smooth day today and b) I hadn't taken this test yesterday. I saw it on this here blog and I'm all for taking tests that will solidify my notions that I do not belong here.

So I took this crazy test (did you do it?) and what does it tell me?

That I'm perfectly suited for this job.

No word of a lie.

I wanted to kill myself.

I mean if a test on the internet tells me that I'm perfect for my job it must be true right? I'm sure its a really standardized test, backed by years of research and successful results.

Probably not. But what if there is even one grain of truth to it? Then I am hooped in a big way.

Stupid Wednesday.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Office Pranks

Well I'm back in my Cubicle. Arguably where I belong. If you argue that this is where I belong, I will fight you. After a week away, I am more sure than ever that this is not where I belong. Although, let's be honest, we all already knew that.

Anyway. I'm back. I missed you lot. But only you lot- I missed nothing about this box. I came back after my holiday (which was actually me being deathly ill and not getting paid) to some "hilarious" pranks. Normally I enjoy pranks. But Cubicle-pranksters take note: if someone is away for a week or more, coming back into the office is probably not going to be a smooth transition. So maybe don't lower their chair (I think I hurt my back plopping myself into a seat that was practically on the floor). The obscene pose of my stuffed dog and stress horse was admittedly kind of funny but covering the mouse with a post-it that says "hi" so that it doesn't work? Not funny at 8.15. Probably not funny ever really- probably wins the award for the most annoying office prank ever.

Do you think less of me because I have a stuffed dog on my desk? He's really tiny I promise. Plus, he was a gift from MK, which makes him awesome.

It is now March! The best month of the year. I even got to change my calendar picture this morning. A beautiful yellow labrador now smiles at me. He's so pretty- I want him. Maybe I will get a puppy for my birthday. That's right kids, its my birthday month.

But all of that aside...let's catch up shall we?

Seems that my post on Friday offended some people. And by some people I mean the local transit authority (I don't want to say their name because it turns out they google themselves and then make comments on blogs to "clarify" things). If you haven't already- take a look at the comments from Friday's post. At first I thought it was funny- I mean do you know how many people read this blog? Is it really worth your time? Am I waging a campaign against you? No. So maybe chill. But then when he came back and made another comment, I was annoyed. I guess this is the point of a blog- start dialogue and whatnot. But that's not the point of my blog. The point of my blog is to b*tch and moan about all the awful things that I have to put up with. And then you add comments that buoy me back up.

That's how this works transit authority. So just...stop.

So there was that. And then there was the spectacular ending to the Winter Olympics. Most gold medals ever won by a country at the Winter Olympics! How about that Canada! Of course this wouldn't have meant jacksh*t it if hadn't also been on the same day as the men's hockey team won the gold medal. If you were in Canada- how about that party?!? I'm a relative newcomer to the love of hockey- it was something I caught from The Boyfriend (I know, I'm one of those), I knew it would be exciting, I did not expect the rollercoaster, the ups and downs and the sheer joy when we won. I mean, after I practically launched myself at The Boyfriend, I actually cried. Over a hockey gold medal. But it was so perfect, so incredible, so...right.

I'm still not totally over it.

And then there were the Closing Ceremonies. Which I thought were hilarious. I mean, is there any other nation that can make fun of itself like Canada? Hysterical.

But just like that, its all over. The crowds of people are gone, the buses are back to normal (and generally, I would like to point out, did a very good job. Its really only the late nights I have an issue with), the waves of red and white have been replaced with seasonal blacks and greys. Its kind of a little sad really.

Imagine that- after all the whining leading up to the Games, I'm sad that they are over.

Veronica, mouth full, just said "haha I thought you were speaking Chinese". Always PC that one.

I'm back in my Cubicle, surrounded by incompetence- and Anna is not here with me. She is back in school, working here in the evenings so I will sort of see her, but mostly I won't. Boooo Anna.

I mean, good on you for going back to school!

Amy just told me that they trained 3 people to take over my job while I was gone. She didn't notice anything wrong with my tone of voice when I said "wow, you had to get 3 people to do my job?"-- and only one part of my job too.

Its good to be back. And by good to be back I mean, it sucks that I had to come back to this job instead of some fabulous new one.