International A$$hole Day?

You know that place between asleep and awake? When you’re kind of dreaming, but it’s more like hallucinating because you are vaguely aware that you are dreaming?

I was there this morning. I was in the middle of a fight between Star Jones and NeNe Leakes. I think I might have been Donald Trump. And then NeNe hit on Ivanka- she was all “I would totally take off a piece of that”. Except Ivanka looked more like Ivana. In a wig. Confusing.

The really messed up thing is that I don’t even watch Celebrity Apprentice, so I don’t even know how this all worked itself into my subconscious. I mean, I watch some sh*tty TV (16 & Pregnant, Teen Mom, Sister Wives, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, The Hills, Real Housewives of wherever are some of my favourites), but somehow Celebrity Apprentice is what worked its way into my head. That’s some powerful stuff.

So after dreaming I was (possibly) the Donald, I woke up to find out that it was International A$$hole Day.

Let’s pretend that it’s your first day starting a new job and you have been asked to show up at 9am for your Orientation. What time do you show up? Probably sometime around ten minutes to 9 right?

Wrong. Apparently you show up at 7:30.

This will happen sometimes. People’s flights show up in a strange city and they come straight here because they don’t know where else to go. I’ll usually try and find a person to take them off my hands, or suggest that they run downstairs and grab a coffee and come back at 9. This morning the guy’s manager was out of the office. He ignored my suggestion to grab a coffee. So he sat and waited. In my reception. For an hour and a half. Around 8:37 he stands up and says “maybe now you can call [name] and let her know that I'm here? Thanks” as if I’m the one that’s been keeping him from his orientation.

First of all, you’re not the only one that’s getting an Orientation this morning. Secondly, the HR rep responsible for your Orientation? Is in a meeting and not available to you. And finally? I’m the Receptionist ok? Not your Receptionist. And if you talk to me like that again, you are going to have a very hard time getting your phone calls, business cards, meeting requests, lunch orders or anything else that I feel like holding back. Mmmmkay?

Now I understand that, this being Reception, things might get delivered here for you. I suppose that you’re not that far off in that assumption. But if something is being held here for you? I will call and let you know. If someone sends you an email and lets you know that they are holding onto your access card for you until you come and pick it up, they have it, not me. I find that reading my emails goes a long way towards not wasting other people’s time. I also find that not acting like a cow is a really effective way to deal with other people.

But that might just be me.

All morning this woman was calling me asking me for access to this “big document”. That was all she would say by way of explaining what she needed. Well there was more, but her heavily accented English made it impossible to know what the hell she was saying. I’m actually pretty good at understanding through accents. Normally. This woman? No. F*cking. Clue. But she kept calling back. I was finally able to figure out (sort of) what project she was after so I transferred her to the other receptionist, thinking that now at least she wouldn’t be my problem.

Wrong. Turns out she got a hold of someone upstairs but they aren’t able to help her and directed her to another company that could. But she wouldn’t take a flipping hint and kept calling, asking how to register, how to access “big document”. I was ready to reach through the phone and slap her. I finally had a pow-wow with the other receptionist and was given the power to hang up on her should she call again. We must have voodoo’d her out by talking about her because she didn’t call  back.

Well she didn’t call me back. Which is really all I cared about.

Since then, I want to say that it’s been pretty smooth sailing. I want to say that, but I won’t because I’d rather not jinx the rest of my day.

At least when it’s over we will all have managed to get Monday out of the way. International A$$hole day or not.