Dumb Blonde

Want to send an office into a tizzy? Accept delivery of a free basket of fruit.

Folks just can’t help themselves. The Squirrel took 2 pieces. Naturally she needed to stock up for her flock. Dinner at the Squirrel’s house tonight will include bananas and pears. This local company is expanding to corporate sales and they dropped off a free basket of fruit in the hopes of enticing us to start ordering from them.

Sadly they didn’t think they would have to deal with the likes of the Dinosaur who, let’s face it, doesn’t want to do it if it wasn’t available in 1993. Did the Internet exist in 1993? Then this place definitely didn’t exist. Organic wasn’t such a buzz word back then either. For my part, I took an apple. Since my access to a lunch room has been cut off I have been unable to bring a lunch to work (where would I eat it?) and therefore my apple consumption has plummeted. Its probably one of the reasons why I’m sick all the time now. An apple a day really does keep the doctor away.

I don’t know about you guys but my Monday started off with me fighting the urge to maim or kill some of the folks around me.

If you know me in real life, or you’ve been following the trials and tribulations of my professional life for any length of time you will likely know that I hate being spoken to as though I were an idiot.

Hate it.

Through a fault that was entirely Mother Nature’s, I was ‘blessed’ (I’m using the term loosely) with blonde hair and big boobs. These are not things that I can control (I did dye my hair dark once, I didn’t feel like me. And I’m waiting on a boob reduction until after I have kids) as much as I may want to change the automatic perception that people have of me. What perception you ask? That of a dumb blonde.

Clearly this is the assumption that people are working off of when they speak with me, there is no other reasonable explanation for the amount of down-talking I get on a daily basis in an office this size.

Part of my job is to arrange the schedules for all the meeting rooms. This means that if you want to know if a meeting room is available, you have to ask me. Since I’m in charge of it, I’m likely to know all about it. So when I tell you that you can have the room until 10am but after that someone else is using it for a client meeting, feel free not to tell me that your meeting is more important. You can also take that tone of voice, the one you use when you’re dealing with a particularly pain in the a$$ child, and shove it right back up your own a$$. And when I tell you that you will have to talk to the other person and sort out what’s to be done, I would appreciate less of an eye roll and for you to actually act like a grown up and discuss with said person.

Also, if you’re the office manager (and that’s the job title of the Dinosaur, which is mind boggling to me since as far as I can tell she doesn’t manage sh*t) and you want to find out if the complimentary basket of fruit is in fact complimentary, then you can call the nice gentleman soliciting our business. You know why? Because I already told you that the fruit is free. And if my word isn’t good enough than you can be the one to call and harass him and crush his spirit by denying him our business. In the meantime? I’m handing out the fruit.

These are just 2 examples in a long line of instances that has included blaming me for things I didn’t do, explaining things to me as though I were a particularly dense 5 year old and speaking about me in front me as though I were invisible and/or deaf and mute.

Days like this I spend a lot of time trolling the job boards looking for a glimmer of salvation. It all makes for a very conflicting feeling at work. Some days I think that this place is so nice and all the people are so lovely.  Then the Universe sends me a day like today, filled with a$$holes too puffed up on their own self-importance to realize that the people that ensure that their day runs smoothly, deserve a modicum of respect too.