After all that hard work yesterday I probably should have made an effort to go outside and get some fresh air. The weather has been spectacular and an evening walk admiring the sunset would have gone a long way towards getting a restful night's sleep.
Instead I spent a restless night pleading with the Universe, sleep Gods, the baby Jesus etc to please, please PLEASE let me fall asleep.
Not so much. My brain would just not shut the hell up. I was forced to listen to my inner monologue, which, if you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, can get annoying. Quickly.
It was about 10.30 when I first decided that it was a reasonable time to go to bed (I can hear the gentle stirrings of the martini shaker in The Boyfriend's capable hands and am momentarily distracted by the possibility of weekday alcohol...sorry. I'm back) so I washed my face, brushed my teeth and got under the covers. Oddly enough, where 5 minutes before I was practically falling asleep I was now wide awake. Easy remedy: more reading to tire out the eyes. Except that it seemed to wake my brain (probably not helpful to be reading a good book. I should have grabbed the Hitler biography which lies unfinished on the bedside table. Do you think that's a bad idea? Hitler's life story lying so close to my bed?) and I was even further from restful slumber than before.
I tossed and I turned, I threw the covers off, I buried deeper in the duvet...I was fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked.
The Boyfriend stayed up later than me, so 2 hours after I was supposed to have drifted off into peaceful slumber he tiptoed into the room so as not to 'wake' me. Twenty minutes after that we were both lying there wide awake, cursing our inability to get some shuteye.
My inner monologue? Would seriously not shut up. Thoughts about what it would be like to go to work tomorrow, how nice it would be to still be unemployed, but not really be nice because having money again is nice, how my 6am wake up call was creeping ever closer and can it really already be 2am?
Along those lines, over and over again. There was also some completely nonsensical stuff that was running through there too but I can't remember it now and it wouldn't matter if I could because...it wouldn't make any sense anyway.
Sometime after 3 I finally dropped off only to have my sleep rudely interrupted by my alarm clock. I wanted to cry but I dutifully got up and showered and all I can say is thank God for concealer. With burny eyes and a massive tea I showed up to work and totally rocked my Monday.
Can we just take a moment to recognize how far I've come from my old job? No way I would have still gone to work if I'd been up all night before. So to the anonymous commenter from a few days ago, yes I know that happiness is a state of mind. I'm working on it. But I'm also still somewhat wounded from the last work experience and every once in a while the fear that I'm settling (again) professionally creeps in and threatens to undo all the work I've put in trying to make the most of it.
Four hours til I can go to sleep!!