Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Office Death

I read this story today and was like "wow, that is ridiculous! How does that even happen??"

And then I remembered that I once worked in a place where a woman passed out at her desk and her cubicle buddy didn't notice for at least 5 minutes. And she had fallen on the floor!

So I guess it happens quite easily.

Depressing. The longer I spend in offices the more I wish I had the gumption, the drive and/or the ideas necessary to start my own company. But let's face it- I just want an excuse to sit at home in my pajamas with a laptop, a puppy and daytime TV. We all know that I can't be trusted to be productive left to my own devices.

Speaking of comfort.

I totally bought those shoes that are supposed to do wonders for your thighs and a$$ by just walking around. They are bizarre to walk around in but you definitely feel more of a burn than regular shoes. Or I just completely 100% buy into the advertising and my brain tricks my body into thinking there is more of a burny feeling. That's probably more likely. I'm OK with it as long as my brain also tricks my legs into looking fantastic. 

But you know what sucks about walking around in them? People stare at you like you're a short-bus riding window licker.

I know that the 80s-woman-all-power-suited-up-for-work look went out with the decade but is it really necessary to stare at me as I walk by? Probably not. I realize it looks ridiculous- I don't like wearing runners with my tights and a dress anymore than you like to look at me dressed like this. But they are comfortable and damn it if they make my a$$ look better then its a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

Can you just stop staring though? It makes me uncomfortable. And when I'm uncomfortable I tend to hide behind my b*tch face. I've had to pull out the b*tch face a lot less often lately and quite frankly, the frown lines have all but disappeared. I'm going to start wearing these shoes more often (Kim Kardashian totally endorses them and you're aware of my love for Kardashians right?) so all you morning commuters are just going to have to accept it and stop looking at me like I have a third eye. If I had a third eye, or a 2nd head even (I almost said third head before realizing that obviously I only have one head) you would be more than welcome to stare (actually that would still be quite rude, didn't your mother teach you that?) but I don't. I'm just wearing dumb shoes.

Please stop looking at me funny.

My feet are cozy and comfortable and my a$$? Is gonna look so good. Then you can stare all you want. At me walking away.

Finally, some of you may have noticed a comment left by a 'fan' yesterday. I have since removed it because it was clearly left by a chauvinistic a$$hole with too much time on his hands (and yet? Not enough to do a teeny bit of reading- I'm Canadian dipsh*t). While I welcome comments (leave me some!) and discussion and am big enough to leave up comments disagreeing with my posts, I won't let this blog become a dumping ground for belligerent dumba$$edness. 




  1. did you get those reebok easytone? how are they? is your butt all firm and whatnot? that's sounds creepy but you know me.

    since i'm unemployed, i took it upon myself to get in shape and i found this site you might find helpful. it kinda goes against all that i believed but you need to compromise to get healthy. http://caloriecount.about.com/ it's counts the calories for you and even though at first i found it depressing once i saw what i was eating before, it helped me change what i eat in the day. on the other side, it tracks all the calories you burn when you log in every time you walk anywhere, like for you, when you walk to and from bus stops or when you get the puppy you log in all the walks you take him on. i find it pretty helpful, i hope you do too!

    also....we should have coffee sometime...or lunch or dinner!

  2. I'm happy for you that you have cool new shoes, but having known you for some time and your propensity to fall down, I feel like I should tell you that those shoes have been cited as the cause of many a broken ankle. So please, please, be careful!