Yesterday I spent a fun-filled day at the PNE . The whole point of going yesterday was that Huey Lewis and the News were performing and when are you going to give up the chance to see The Power of Love performed live? You're not.
But while there are thousands of awesome things to see and do at the PNE (Superdogs, PNE Prize Home, mini-doughnuts, sand sculpture competition, hot dogs, cotton candy etc) there are also a lot of people. Crowds of them in fact. And when you get crowds of people together, there are bound to be some real idiots among them. So here is a rundown of the biggest idiots I encountered. A day at the PNE didn't really do too much to curb my hatred of people.
Puppy Handler. I'm not actually talking about real puppies, I'm talking about human puppies aka children. Very small children. At the Superdogs show. So it used to be that the Superdogs were outside and it was all very much about what the dogs could do. These days there are strobe lights and black outs, really loud music and an announcer. Kind of terrifying if you are a small child and you a) have a fear of dogs and b) don't like the dark or loud noises. So I'm not really sure what possesses some parents to bring their very small children to see the Superdogs. You know what ends up happening? You spend a half hour or so trying to keep little Johnny entertained before the show starts only to have him start screaming once the lights go out, the music starts and the dogs come barrelling into the arena barking because they, at least, are extremely excited. I'm all for exposing your kids to the experiences of the world, but maybe some more age appropriate experiences to start.
Receipt-less Wonder. Say you go to the Marketplace to take in all the cool gadgets, gizmos and crap that you can see demonstrated, purchase and take home with you. Say that they have this awesome steam mop that sanitizes and cleans your floor without chemicals leaving the floor dry and streakless in its wake. Say that today they will throw in extra cleaning pads. So you can't walk away from that right? Right. Well they will even babysit it for you so that you don't need to lug it around for the rest of the time at the fair. You write your name down next to a number and that number is written on your receipt. Don't lose your receipt, they tell you. How do you then come back at the end of the day and demand your steam mop when you have lost your receipt? How do you tell these hard working demonstrators who have opened your world to the amazing, reasonably-priced power of steam cleaning that its their fault you don't have your receipt? You are a jerk. You should have to give back your steam mop.
Concert Flakes. Obviously Huey Lewis and the News are crowd pleasers. Obviously. But let's try and remember that we are at the PNE--100 years of fabulous, reasonably priced family fun. You might be at a concert but so is your grandmother. And families looking to enjoy some music and a picnic. There's probably no need for you to get blind drunk and scream at Huey that you love him and then call him your dad. Also, take a look around you. There are a lot of people here, space is limited. Maybe you and your "amazing photography skills" (which this morning I'm sure you realized were just a lot of blurry pictures of you and your friends wearing sunglasses in the dark and yelling) could take a look around you before you blindly stumble around into other people's Huey space to take your pictures. Next time maybe you could also refrain from stepping on my feet.
Bus Garbage. Turns out that when hoards of people leave the PNE, the bus company doesn't think its a good idea to run extra buses. So the buses are crammed full. A lot more full than is probably allowed but its late and people need to get home so we're all crammed in. At least that's what I thought. Turns out that there was this whole middle section of the bus that no one wanted to stand in? Just leave this big gap on the bus, no big deal. I'm not standing with my face in some hairy guy's armpit on a hot August night or anything. If you are on a crowded bus, do us all a favour and move to the back. It will be over soon. Also. Obviously there are lots of delicious treats at the PNE and you can't possibly eat or drink them all so you take them home. Try and make sure that it actually arrives home with you. Maybe don't change your mind and leave it on the bus. If you have a green coffee-like beverage, try not to fall asleep with it in your hand and then drop it all over the floor. If you do, no biggie, feel free to pick it up so that it doesn't melt and run all over the bus in a sticky green mess. I wish you had been made to clean up your mess.
Please note that this list is not complete. I didn't even go into all the people that can't seem to watch where they are going, don't know where they are or forget that they have kids with them and that kids tend to get lost in crowds, being shorter than the rest of us and unable to see over everyone else.
So yeah, my people hatred is at kind of high levels today. Probably a good thing I have nowhere to go and encounter more of them today. Except for earlier today when the guy had to come in to test the smoke alarms. Thats a fun noise to wake up to. I think I'll take my alarm clock thanks.