Dinosaur and Squirrel

I told you weeks ago that I would introduce you to some of the new characters that I work with. And then I didn't. I wanted to take some time to observe before jumping the gun and labeling people. You know, try my best not to be so judgmental?

Or at least delay the judge-iness.

The 2 characters that I will be introducing you to today shall go by the monikers, Dinosaur and Squirrel.

The Dinosaur is so named (not by me, this is what the office refers to her as) because she has been here forever. Twenty-six years in fact (for those of you not in the know, that's longer than I have been alive). She's a proper English lady and when I interviewed with her she seemed like a pretty nice woman. She is technically my boss inasmuch as I report to her and she controls me. But she never has any answers for anything and never does what she says she will do when she says she will do it. Which doesn't make her all that much use to be honest. And also, she is lacking any semblance of a personality. At our Christmas lunch she didn't have anything to talk about with us so she printed off some Christmas themed quizzes and handed them out with pencils.

The Dinosaur hates to spend money. So if you want a pen, you have to ask her. If someone in another department wants me to help them out with something (which honestly so far has included such challenges as label making, and laminating) she wants to know about it. And she can't say my name properly. Even though I say my name to her at least 10 times a day, she always says it back to me incorrectly.

I'm still not going to tell you my real name. But let's say my name was Stefan (its not. I'm not a man). But it was spelled like Stephan. People would probably call me Steven even though it was actually Stefan. Maybe you think that's pretentious (my name isn't Ahn-drea, spelled Andrea so its not that bad, its a European spelling problem) but its my name and I prefer the correct pronunciation. And the Dinosaur can't say my name right to save her life. Which drives me bananas.

(Not that she is the only one with this affliction, but since she is the one that hired me, I feel like she should know how to say my name.)

I don't know how people like the Squirrel get and keep jobs to be honest. Well in this case I do know how she got a job. They advertised for a Receptionist, she was the only applicant. For 2 months, they waited for anyone else to apply and when no one did, they had to hire her. Nothing against her, she's a nice older woman, but working and English are not her strong suit. So having her answer phones and page people became problematic when no one could understand her. They tried having her help in accounting, but she was in the way after a day so they tried something else. They tried lots of something elses. She's now responsible for library and archiving. Which sounds too complicated for her in my opinion but I'm sure she doesn't really do a lot of that since she mostly floats around talking to people and delivering mail.

And stealing food.

Lunches get ordered a lot around here. Sometimes we pay, sometimes clients pay. But the Squirrel used to be the one in charge of ordering. And she always ordered too much so that she could take the extra for herself. One time someone found her standing talking to a client, plate in hand, ready to take some pizza for herself. She was banned from that floor soon after. That's why they call her the Squirrel-its like she's storing up for winter. They joke that her pockets are lined with cellophane so that she's always prepared if food comes in.

I probably wouldn't have any issue with her at all if she didn't try and get me to do her work for her. I've been here for 6 weeks and already she is pushing her work onto me. I'm not sure how she's having time management issues since, as far as I can tell, she doesn't actually do anything.

If you haven't already figured it out, the Squirrel is kind of a pet of the Dinosaur. I can't quite figure out why-when I first met the Dinosaur, I assumed that above all she would prize efficiency in her staff. Apparently she likes the exact opposite of efficiency.

The scary part is that the 3 of us basically make up the front line. If I'm on a break, the Squirrel covers me.

Tomorrow, I have a meeting with the Squirrel and the Dinosaur. I do not have high hopes of accomplishing anything in said meeting but I know that I have a whole department behind me if sh*t should hit the fan. Which is a different feeling for sure.

Dinosaur and Squirrel. Office stars.