Owning The Process

Isn't it funny how, in an office full of people, you can feel lonely?

Anna is away from me again today. And without her to banter with I feel disconnected and alone. No one to roll their eyes with me today. No one to discuss this weekend's sports- the Grey Cup (if she watched it I'm sure she is overjoyed with the result. Personally I was hoping the Roughriders would take it), or our home hockey team's back to back games (at once such a high and such a low). But mostly I miss the bantering.

Did I mention that its raining? The Heavens are crying too.

Anna's absence is making everything more poignant today. That's right kids, the Cubicle life is poignant today.

Basically what I'm trying to say (most ineloquently) is that I am a mess today. No clear thought process today. No sliver of a topic that I can work with. Nothing interesting even happening on people.com to get my creative juices flowing (that's right, no Kardashian news today. Yet. You know they have something. I mean, it was Thanksgiving. There was Black Friday. There has to be something).

I tried to kill part of my morning (the first part, before many people were in) looking at blogs. Didn't get through too many- I clicked on one link and my browser went bananas. It started opening dozens of windows. All of them showing a forbidden blog encounter. I frantically tried to close them all, hoping that there was an end in sight. Usually this little spasm hits 50 and then goes away. Not today though. Today we were over 200 and it was still going. I had to shut down my computer. I'm a little shell shocked to be honest.

Plus, I think I wasted all my caring on Friday. Friday, after Amy's attempt at a meeting, I was hell bent on covering my own a**. I know how things work around here, I've seen it before. Hell, I've been there before. Not this time. I'm onto you.

I ended up sending an email to John and Amy outlining all the things that Amy had told me to do, including that sticking point that I was no longer to follow up with the representatives when it was clear to me that the clients were not in the loop. I was told that this was now the representative's responsibility. Well I know how that's going to go- the reps won't follow up and will start complaining that they didn't know and that will find its way back to me. Absolutely not.

The email, was a masterpiece. It was pure John. I knew he would respond positively. My favourite part was "let's make the list work for us, instead of working for the list". Diabolical.

John set up a real meeting for 3.15.

In it I was a superstar. And Amy looked like she had no idea what I was talking about. Which, of course, she didn't. John said that he was glad that I was really "owning the process". Who says that? Exactly. Anyway I made it through the meeting, totally on top. I even get someone to help me work through all the backlog.

One for me, zero for John.

But all that caring has left me depleted. And without Anna to restore me to my former glory, I am just a shell of my former self. Hopefully Claire will email me soon and help to shake me out of my funk.

Until then, I remain, desolately staring out the window (there is a lot of dust on the jewellery store's droppped ceiling across the street) wishing I were anywhere but here.

PS In the time it took to write this, there is still no word on the Kardashians. I'm worried.