Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Pearls of Wisdom

So I literally have nothing to say today. I am so bored that it is taking everything that I have to stay sitting upright with my eyes open. Some modicum of focus would be most welcome as well. But I don’t want to leave you all hanging, I know that you wait breathlessly for whatever comes next. And I did get an extremely terrific email yesterday.

You know the sort: emails that make a mockery of the work that you do, point out the flaws in human nature through hilarious photos or cartoons, jokes about naughty children or husbands (same thing?) etc. A bright spot in an otherwise dull and lifeless cubicle existence.

Here are some of my favourite pearls of wisdom from yesterday’s email (thank you Stacey!). Apologies to those of you that have already read it (especially those that I sent it to…)..

* More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

* I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

* Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

* Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or faq's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

* There is a great need for sarcasm font

* I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

* Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say

* I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger

* Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

* Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

* MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

* Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

* I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

*You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

*Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

* "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

* I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my itunes.

* It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

…It was a long email and I have a hard time making things concise. But I bet you enjoyed it!

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