A lot of thoughts today. None of them particularly life changing, interesting or worthy of an entire post. But thoughts nonetheless. I guess rather than try to hone my focus (believe me, not happening today) I will just start running off these random thoughts.
It is not in fact Monday. It feels like Monday. But because of the long weekend (thank you Long Weekend Gods) today is in fact Tuesday. This should cheer me up. But alas, I am caught up in the despondency of a Monday. I can’t seem to break free of the mental chains that tell me its Monday. So Monday it shall be. Hopefully I will think Friday is Thursday, a nice mental boost heading into the weekend- which is still…4 days away. Help.
Here’s something else that should cheer me up. John is not here. He is sick. I hope its something really bad. Something that sees him within grasp of the cold clammy hand of death. Too harsh? Ok. Fine. But I hope it’s a stomach flu or something really nasty. He found his way into my weekend in the most unpleasant way on Friday. He actually had the nerve to show up at the patio where I was happily having drinks to celebrate the beginning of the long weekend. And there he was. With his stupid smug face and ugly striped shirt. Having a beer. How dare he?! On the same patio? This city is not big enough. If he hadn’t moved off soon after, my whole night would have been ruined.
These are all (both) good things. Yet the overwhelming fact of the matter is, I’m still at work. And I still work here in the 7th circle of Hell. Do you think God had cubicles in mind when he thought about Hell? Is there anything less motivational than sitting in a felt box alone for 7 hours a day? I hate my felt box. Even attempts to cheer it up (my puppy calendar, complete with ugly August puppies seriously just lazily fell off the wall. It’s a sign) haven’t done jack s**t to make it more inspiring.
Well inspiring is probably not the right word. Less toxic? Less depressing? Less…beige?
Today its really clear to me that the only reason I took this job was because I needed money. The only reason I stayed in this job was because I needed money to finish school. And now the only reason that I am still in this job is because I still need money and will continue to need money until I find another job. I need a sugar daddy or something. Are all office jobs like this? Is this what I got an education for? Am I doomed to spend my working life in a felt box, processing meaningless documents, listening to inane chatter (“I totally packed my spike heels for LA and then I’m all hello? I sprained my ankle, like it would be well enough for my spike heels. Its not like I sprained my ankle on my trip, I sprained them before, like why did I think I could wear them?”)?
I told you. Random thoughts. Not forming any kind of cohesive thought. Just words. Strung together. I can’t even concentrate long enough to whine about how much my working life sucks in a remotely funny or interesting way. Bottom of the barrel today folks. I wouldn’t even post it but…its not like anything better is going to come along today.