Yesterday I got to have another meeting with the powers that be. Amy and John. My favourite part of any day. I can’t tell you how excited I was when I got the email notifying me that we would be resuming these meetings. But this time I planned to be the one in control. I had no desire to have another hand holding session where John tries to convince me that all that unhappiness I experience at work is my own fault. After the last meeting I swear he was considering a career change: Life Coaching.
The purpose of these meetings according to John is to work through my “issues” and make this hellhole a more pleasant work environment. A losing battle if you ask my opinion, but no one does. The purpose of these meetings for me is to try and take the attention off me and keep them talking about…whatever they want…for the full hour so that I have less time to get through until I go home. As you can see, we are at odds before we even begin.
After a month of not having to deal with this crap (and working on the assumption that we were done, having all recognized what a waste of time it was) I found myself sitting in the conference room facing the two of them once again. Yay.
And because they have no idea what they are doing, they started to read through the list of things that were expected of me going forward. This list was something they came up with months ago. The first thing they want me to do to make things better here? Make sure that I take my breaks and lunch. Thanks Tips, I hadn’t thought of that. I can’t take my breaks together though, and I definitely can’t use one break to take off 15 minutes early, but I need to make sure that I take them all. Check.
I’m supposed to limit all my outside internet use. Epic fail. But they have no idea. I said yes, that was happening and they smiled at me. They are so clueless. Whatever, I’m not going to push it. Then they ask me if I have been hitting all my targets. My response: Isn’t that kind of up to you guys to decide? Some chuckling (honestly, who are these clowns?) and then they decide that yes I have been meeting expectations (awwww, shucks guys).
I’m supposed to maintain a positive attitude. I must have lied about this one. Seemed to satisfy them. My favourite one on the checklist had to be “participates in weekly or biweekly meetings to address desired outcomes”—EPIC FAIL. That’s all on them though. Like I said, I thought I wasn’t broken anymore. I was wrong. I’m OK with being broken. Better broken then up John’s a** right?
The best part of the meeting had to be when I triumphed over John. He’s such a know it all and he has to please everyone. Which means that he is always trying to fix processes. Since he doesn’t actually use any of them he has no idea what a pain in the butt his interference is. So I’m telling him that because of his interference I am basically doing the same thing twice and he is just not understanding. I told him that I couldn’t do what he wanted me to, because industry rules made it impossible. Nothing is impossible to John. So he hauls in the manager from another department (who really knows her stuff) and asks her if this is possible, am I wrong? He’s really hoping I’m wrong. And because she is the best human being ever she tells John the same thing I told him. You should have seen his face—it was like I had kicked his puppy (I would never kick a puppy. Not even John’s puppy. Its not the puppy’s fault that he lives with John. I don’t even think John has a puppy. He’s probably a cat person-blech).
So I let his wrongness sink in for a few minutes. Then I just couldn’t resist having a good natured (by all appearances) go at him:
“Can’t win them all can you John?”
John just shook his head sadly.
“Sucks to be wrong doesn’t it?”
John nods miserably.
“Can’t please everyone all the time can you? You’re just wrong. Feels bad doesn’t it?”
Felt good to me. I enjoyed watching his confident smiley exterior crumble.
Ugh. So as I have mentioned, Maurice is away. We’re all falling apart without his knowledgeable presence. Not. But you know how when you take a vacation, you farm out your work and it should get done? I always do that but the work never gets done. Does Maurice take the time to make sure his work is done while he is away? He doesn’t even know how to set his out of office, what do you think?
Oh but don’t worry. Amy and Veronica will make sure his work gets done. By me. Never mind that I have a pile of my own s**t to do, can I please do Maurice’s work too?
I have tomorrow off. I have tomorrow off. I have tomorrow off. I have tomorrow off. I have tomorrow off. I have tomorrow off. I have tomorrow off. I have tomorrow off. I have tomorrow off. I have tomorrow off. I have tomorrow off…