Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Co-Worker Madness

I don't have an exciting job. Far from it. Its dull, boring, mindless, uninteresting dredge work. Jealous so far? Yeah, me either. But if the work itself is so boring, the least these people could do would be to have some personality right?


Maybe this isn't as surprising to you reading as it is to me--but apparently my industry attracts 2 kinds of people: the dull, mindless, uninteresting kind, or the whackjobs. For the most part. There are a few bright spots, but they don't last long. I'm hoping to be just one of those fleeting bright spots. Although the longer I stay, the smaller my chances are.

I'm going to break down some of the personality types that I work with-- I'm sure that you will recognize your co-workers in these.

Brainless Twat. For the life of him/her cannot get a grasp on simple processes. Most suited to sorting mail but inevitably gets 'promoted' to something requiring intelligence. Leaves important information lying all over the office, inevitably losing it. Tells pointless stories in the lunchroom, like the time they saw these girls drink a beer with a straw and they looked up and the girls were gone.

Bar Star. Has no concept of office appropriate clothing, the Bar Star comes to work dressed like she is heading out for the night. Heavy eye make up, short skirts and 'bling' are favoured by this co-worker. I could be wrong- maybe she just never made it home last night?

The Oddball. Perfectly nice person but a little on the strange side. Comes in 2 forms. Either really socially awkward, pretending to be stupid so that they don't have to take on extra work, charming everyone with their 'adorable' lack of social skills--for example this Oddball will shave her head on a bet. The other kind of Oddball seems to have perfectly normal social skills, able to work efficiently, but plasters their work areas with posters of Buffy and celebrates Wiccan rituals. May also engage in extreme gaming or fantasy communities.

The Crier. This person is actually in management but doesn't know what s/he is doing. The pressure to perform and the complete lack of any skills to back this up, means that the Crier practically dissolves in front of your eyes. S/he is unable to confront you without hysterics and will inevitably take a leave of adsence due to some hysterical illness.

Cuthroat Supervisory Friend. Beware this "friend". Nothing will stop this person from achieving their goals. The Cuthroat Supervisor stumbled into this job from something menial, with no background or education and will do whatever it takes to get to the top-- including sell you down the river. This person will be all sunshine and light when she needs you to do something, but is the first person jumping all over you for a mistake. This person believes that their s**t don't stink.

I actually work with these people. I used to use their eccentricities to brighten my day but now I look forward to the day when I no longer have to be around their shenanigans.

1 comment:

  1. Love this list...summarized the groups well.

    This wont' be as witty, but we have a category of "Kool-Aid" drinker. At meetings will nod yes to everything, will not disagree with any senior person, and when they offer an opinion which turns out to be different from the senior person's they instantly change their opinion. Usually ends sentences with this: "Right?"