Tori Spelling

My friend Sebastien hates Tori Spelling. Hates her. Its irrational, but its hilarious. To further feed this fire of hatred (I know, bad karma) I would email him links, stories and photos of Tori Spelling. I would leave printed out pictures of her on his desk.

But today- the Tori channels are closed. Because Sebastien has left the office. Sadly he has not gotten a better job (you will though Sebastien, you will). He is just another casualty of our company being bought out. His department stays with our old company, so he had to move to their head office.

I had to walk past his empty desk today and there were no bitchy comments. No Mean Girls quotes issuing from his strangely silent cubicle. Its weird because for the better part of the 3 years I have worked here, Sebastien has been here. He was there on my first day in both roles to show me the ropes. He was there when it all fell apart (for the both of us).

So today, in an effort to remember the positive and not dwell on the negative (look at me! On a Monday no less), I am going to list some of my favourite moments with/things about Sebastien. Hopefully this post pulls at Sebastien’s heartstring (just the one unfortunately—but better than the black stone that used to be there) and he returns to me.

:: On my very first day, as a reward for being such a good student, taking me to the beach behind the branch to eat our lunch. And feast our eyes on shirtless soccer players.

:: Before each company wide “recognition night”, getting drunk together. Martinis and bellinis were the order of the day, and made the company schmooze night less tedious.

:: The invention of Inappropriate Fridays. Although Sebastien spent most of his time being inappropriate, a day was designated for us all to be inappropriate together.

:: Email fights. We both used to be tellers, and I would work at the wicket behind him, so I could see everything that he was doing. He was dealing with a particularly heinous class of member. So I sent him encouraging messages like “she clearly hates you” and “next thing you know she will be burning crosses on your lawn”. We spent the next 10 minutes doubled over laughing, unable to breathe or serve any members.

:: Emails like this: Dear Heavenly Father in the skies above, watching over us sheep wandering aimlessly in the fields of sin,We thank you for the fellowship of good friends coming together in the name of Christ, our Lord and Savior. We thank you for not only providing us with the gift of friendship, but also the gift of carbs, which provide us with the energy to be able to run around and Sin. We also thank you for the whole water into wine thing, as we live in BC, where water is plentiful. We thank you for fat people, who make us laugh, and black people, who make us scared. We thank you for love & hate, and right and wrong (though mostly for hate and wrong) Mostly we thank you for $$$, cuz as we all know, money is the root of all evil, and we’s be some evil EVIL bitches!!!

There is so much more (choosing sleazy celebs to be for the day, catching up on trashy reality TV, mocking others) but I am seriously going to get caught on the internet again and will be in a world of hurt. See what I am willing to go through for you Sebastien?

Sebastien: I can’t believe we don’t work together anymore. But you know I will see you soon (and if I don’t I will take your first child, I don’t care how long you waited) and I wish you the best.

The rest of you: thanks for reading!