Thursday, September 10, 2009

Happily Ever After

Once upon a time there was a princess named Veronica. Only unlike most fairytale princesses, Princess Veronica wasn't good or kind, smart or thoughtful. She didn't have furry woodland creatures do her bidding and no fairies smiled sweetly on her when she was christened in front of the whole kingdom. No no, Princess Veronica had the misfortune to be the third daughter born to the King and Queen and the older Princesses were not pleased.

As Princess Veronica grew, she became mean and spoiled, selfish and spiteful. Her older sisters alternatively taunted her and treated her like a baby. Her parents, desperate to make up for the ill treatment by her sisters, treated Princess Veronica like a little angel, even moving out of their own royal bedroom so that their darling could have more space.

Despite having the personality of a grizzly bear, Veronica managed to find a young man to half heartedly love her. He wasn't a Prince, but a stable boy called Carlos. Carlos belched at mealtimes, wore dirty clothes and preferred to use his hands when eating a meal. But Princess Veronica loved him and from the beginning tried to get him to marry her.

This went on for some years when the King and Queen, in an effort to make a sensible princess out of their youngest daughter, gave her her own court to rule over. There was to be one older lady-in-waiting that was actually in charge, but Princess Veronica was to believe that she was in charge at all times. To further establish an independent Princess, the King and Queen moved Veronica's court some ways from the castle, hoping that it would force their daughter to figure out her own mode of transportation.

In the beginning it seemed to work. Princess Veronica initially enjoyed her new 'job', revelling in her power and almost enjoying the trip to her own court every day. But she soon grew weary of actually getting anything done and most especially of the travelling to and fro on the public carriages. She began pulling her father, the King, out of bed early mornings to get him to take her to work. And she would always send a messenger to get him to get her at the end of the day. Her royal mother was charged with making her lunch every day, complete with 2 apple juiceboxes. The ladies of her court also noticed that she was beginning to get weary of her court. She still enjoyed being in charge, but as for doing any actual work, that was not the job of a Princess.

One day the Princess wasn't feeling well. Her ladies-in-waiting, tired of her games and not up to the task of pretending to care that she was feeling under the weather, pretended not to notice. The Princess took it a step further, by vocalizing her discomfort. One lady half heartedly offered her concerns, the rest did not look up from their work. The Princess discarded the Queen's homemade lunch and went to Olde McDonald's, which she declared would make her feel better.

Olde McDonald's did not do the trick. So she messengered her father the King to come and pick her up. From her own court. While she waited, she went down the hall and started laughing and joking with a group of pageboys waiting outside her court to announce her father's arrival. Miraculously, Princess Veronica had mustered the strength to enjoy herself.

The next morning, the Princess returned to her court. Her ladies-in-waiting were not thrilled to see her after yesterday's performance. But work carried on.

The whole court adjourned for lunch and were walking along the outside of the smaller castle's walls. All of a sudden, there was shouting and a group of villagers ran towards the group. When they saw the Princess they all yelled at once but none of the ladies or the Princess could understand them. Finally one villager made himself heard and told the group that a dragon was heading in this direction, breathing fire on everything it saw, destroying homes and fields in its path.

Everyone look at the Princess Veronica to see what should be done. The Princess yawned, said she was tired and would head back into the secure stone castle, the peasants could stay outside. The Princess' ladies were mortified and the villagers were furious, after all the service they had provided for the royal family, to be turned away at this moment.

There wasn't much time for arguing, the dragon could be seen climbing the hill. The villagers quickly huddled and came up with a plan. They surged together as a mob, towards the Princess and her ladies. Princess Veronica screamed and tried to run towards the castle but her ladies stood in the way. They grabbed her by the arms and pulled her towards the mob. The mob grabbed onto the Princess, heaving her up above their heads and racing in the direction of the dragon.

They offered the Princess to the dragon. The dragon accepted their sacrifice.

The dragon and the Princess were never heard from again. Although the dragon did have a nasty case of heartburn after his meal.

Everyone else lived happily ever after.


  1. I'm in love with your blog. Is it single? Can I marry it? I've sent the link to your blog to my like-minded cubicle trapped friends, who now also love your blog. Today's fairytale went down very well. Thought you'd like to know.

  2. Oh wow Thanks!! I'm glad that you enjoyed the fairytale- it was a way to mentally kill of my pain-in-the-a** supervisor!
    As for my blog's marital status, it is single.

  3. Seriously enjoyed this one... thank you for helping put off starting to work this morning, I just couldn't stomach being anything that resembles efficient!