Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Black Hole of Boredom

I just googled Boredom . And according to wikipedia, I am there.

All of the things that wikipedia says, I am. And you know that if wikipedia says it, it has to be true.

Why google it? Just felt like it. I do that a lot, google things. Today's google home page made me smile. Popeye. Must be an anniversary. I'm liking when they do that. The Sesame Street tribute was hands down the best. Cookie monster. Bert and Ernie! My love for Bert and Ernie runs deep. They crack me up.

You can learn a lot by googling things. Of course, first you have to think of things to google. So I will sit here and think. And today, clearly, I thought about how bored I am. Then I wanted to know more about boredom, and that's how we got here.

Sometimes it will stem from something I am reading. Like when I read, Five Granddaughters about the five granddaughters (catchy title right?) of Queen Victoria who each became a Queen in her own right- of Greece, Norway, Romania, Russia and Spain. Each was kind of unlucky as it turned out (like for example Alexandra of Russia getting killed with her entire family by the Bolsheviks, and Victoria Eugenia of Spain getting her wedding procession bombed). So I wanted to know more- mainly about how that all works out now. Basically, a lot of crowned heads in Europe are cousins. Which isn't that surprising I suppose, but it is surprising that they really aren't that far removed from each other.

But back to being bored. I spend a good 8 hours a day (a day!) being bored. Its not a temporary boredom that can be remedied by switching tasks or taking a quick break to have a chat. No. Its an all encompassing, suffocating kind of boredom that ensnares me all day long without stopping.

Chatting is of course, frowned upon. And I really only have one task. To get through the list that John designed for me, where he took out all the need for me to use words. He really knows me well, that John. He must have sat there by himself and thought "you know what would make her really happy? If her whole day was numbers! No more pesky words, she hates words". Douche.

I remind myself of movies like Garden State and Office Space. Although, obviously a whole lot less quirky or funny. And without Natalie Portman or scams to slowly steal thousands of dollars. So not really like them at all, but having that lack of any kind of purpose or feeling in a work environment.

What's really insulting is that when I am this bored I can't think of anything good or funny to write about! I just went back and reread this and really, I need to say sorry to you. Sorry that this is the best that I could come up with. I even thought about deleting it and starting again but I know that nothing better would come and take its place.

And on top of all of this, my face has now adopted a kind of permanent expression of disappointment and disdain. I have people asking me all the time why I'm so angry. It can't be helped. But it sucks because now I will be one of those old women that has a saggy, droopy, angry old face and that's not going to help me get nice young men to help me cross the street is it?

I'm afraid that if I keep going I'm just going to make it worse and you lot won't even come back to see if I have redeemed myself tomorrow.

So I shall stop.



  1. You need to get the fuck out of there. You should become Queen of Norway or something.

  2. Turns out the Queen of Norway position has already been filled. They have a Crown Princess too.

  3. i, for one, will be back!

    but, i do agree, get out of there!

  4. Easier said than done I'm afraid. All those real world issues like bills and rent and stuff. And then what the hell would I blog about? And what would you do with yourselves? too much uncertainty.

    But for reals...I'm working on it.

  5. Ha ha I love you twin! Your words are magical as always. I also have a massive compulsion to wikipedia everything I think about. And I take it all as facts. Hope u are staying the fuck away from my printer. Did I tell you I have that letter you sent me about the printer on my notice board in my kitchen?

  6. I'm sorry. Truly.

    At least you don't work with lawyers. There's a little bit of silver lining for you.