Thursday, December 10, 2009


Usually mornings here are very quiet. Everyone is completely stunned from a lack of caffeine and the fact that they work here. No one meant to start working here. It just kind of happened. Some are making a go of it and turning it into a career. Some are just content to float along and see what happens. And the rest are like me, watching and waiting and looking for an opportunity to get the hell out. Lottery tickets are an important part of that dream.

But today it was downright lively in here.

Calendars were handed out like candy (little desk calendars that stand upright- I'm doing a very poor job of explaining this properly. you shall just have to take my word for it that they are awesome), Veronica was keen to perch on my desk and chat and everyone joined ina lively game of Maurice-baiting (like bear baiting of old).

Where to begin?

Chronologically perhaps?

Veronica came to sit on my desk. Perched on it like a sexy secretary on a sitcom. Except that I have no power and she's not sexy. But thats how it was nonetheless. She's keen to have a chat. I'm keen to be back in bed (I have a headache. couldn't be from working here, that's crazy) so clearly we're not on the same page. But for the sake of my new POA (plan of action- namely that I'm mocking them by being like them) I thought I would try and play along.

Enter John.

In his hot little hands he has a ruler that is also a calculator. What will they come up with next! For all those measuring, calculating emergencies right? John asked if we wanted one, I told him that I don't do a whole lot of measuring these days. Veronica asked about the calendars (hot commodity those) and he left.

In the meantime our attentions were focused on the unfortunate Maurice. One night this week one of the HR people decorated the Cubicle hall with Christmas garlands. All different colours: blue, red, gold etc. Its supposed to distract us from the beige I think. Anyway in the (momentary, Veronica took a breath) silence Anna asked Maurice how he felt about the garland pinned on the outside of his Cubicle? In her words its a "dinky blue one". Maurice, ever the vocabulary master, replied with "What? What's a garland?"

We all laughed at him.

Maybe this was wrong. But seriously. Didn't know what a garland was.

This turned into a game. First we laughed, then we explained about garlands. Then we started throwing out other Christmas terminology.

He is familiar with wreaths and tinsel. But mangers, frankincense and myrrh are a bit of a mystery to him.

So then we laughed at him some more.

Now John returns with calendars. White ones and brightly coloured ones. Initially I was drawn to the brightly coloured ones (it had pencil crayons on the cover and each page was a different colour) but then I saw that there was a lot of advertising and the paper was glossy which doesn't make for good writing of events. So I asked for a white one, because it was better.

Veronica called me a calendar racist. I guess its true.

Finally Veronica left and I started going through the emails. I even got some answers to questions I asked just yesterday (this is a rarity, usually I get emails weeks later asking why something wasn't taken care of and I have to reply that I need additional info which I have asked about 2 times already) and was able to complete something which I then left on Veronica's desk to look over and assign to someone else (this is actually the process not me engaging in more POA games like passing-the-buck).

She returns to her desk and I shout over the Cubicle wall that I left something on her desk so that she could assign it. And she asks me if I want to walk over to so-and-so and give it to them.

So-and-so works on the other side of the office in extremely cold temperatures (even worse than where I sit) and as much as I would like to go say hi, I would much rather not.

So I simply say "No".

And instead of the usual "Well I don't have time to do it so it will just sit here on my desk if you don't" or "I wasn't really asking" she just says "OK".

Seriously the POA is working.


  1. Anytime I try to yell something to someone from my desk, I'm politely asked to send an email. Even if it's to the next office. Truly.

    And I don't think my office Veronica is ever going to be anything other than useless. For Real.

    And I love it when people spell it "colour" rather than the boring American way "color". Just saying, it makes me read it with an accent and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE accents. :-)

    And, and, and....have a wonderful day. Btw, tomorrow is FRIDAY!

  2. I think you need to shove Veronica's dumpy ass off your desk.

    I mean-- seriously. She might crush your gay little stand-up desk calendar.

  3. Its a symptom of my joke of a workplace that there was such hub bub over little calendars.

    As for colour. And favour. And honour. etc. Canada Loves U! hehehhehe, doesn't get old.

    Tomorrow IS Friday, let's see if I make it!

  4. i'm writing this today, on friday, and i took yesterday off ('sick with terrible headache, a 24-hour kind of thing, apparently') in honor of you!
    did you come in today?!

    ps: i agree w/ mr. apron, shove V. off your desk next time, could be funny!

  5. I'm honoured that you took the day off for me. I did the same for you on Friday.
    And it felt goooooooooooooood.
    I think if I shoved her off my desk I would be in a lot of trouble. Not that the thought hasn't crossed my mind!
    Tell you what- first thing I do when I win that lottery!