Friday, December 18, 2009

Initech

Before we get into things, let's catch up with the events of yesterday afternoon.

The much anticipated Potluck arrived! Which meant a table full of sub-par foods and truck loads of overly sweet desserts (aside from the delicious chocolate cheesecake-sicles). I'm serious when I say the food was sub par. There was a pizza which was pretty good and some samosas. But then there was this brocoli-peppers-and-cheese concoction, stuffed mushroom caps, and macaroni and cheese with mushrooms- I don't like mushrooms. Hate them. Always have. Something about the texture. There were chips too. And mango pudding- Veronica's mom's potluck staple.

Anyway unless you had an iron stomach you weren't getting a decent lunch. You could gorge yourself on sweets I suppose but for me, the abillity to do that ended when I turned about 16. My 16 wasn't sweet enough I guess (see what I did there? clever right?). Mostly when it was all over I just felt vaguely ill.

But then it was time for White Elephanting (disappointingly enough the powers that be were spot on for time- we began potluck at noon and were finished with White Elephant by 1). I'm proud to say that my gift was among the first chosen- a cleverly disguised Starbucks gift card (what can I say? I would like others to experience the pain in the a$$ that is ordering at Starbucks). Anna's was also among the first, a diamond in the rough. Seriously, she wrapped it in a High School Musical holiday box. Its a miracle it got chosen at all. No one chose Veronica's.

So when we were talking about her Office Space Work Sucks kit I said that it would be hilarious if this one woman in accounting opened it because she would have no idea what it was and it would be funny to watch her be even more confused then usual.

What can I say- my words came to pass.

She had no idea what it was, thought the box was hiding the real present and she ripped the box. Anna and I were both appalled.

Anyway, the game took a while (hate to admit it but it was fun). Anna stole the Office Space kit and then I stole it from her and then the Mail Guy, egged on by everyone else, stole it from me. Anna stole it back from him towards the end, the last time it could be stolen. I had a tower of Lindt chocolates and in the end, I traded the chocolates for the Kit.

I have some flair on the wall now. A banner that says "Is this good for the Company" is also pinned up. I lay down my Jump To Conclusions mat (I'm sure I'm going to have to move that one, slipping hazard. Let's be real, I'm going to be the one to slip). And the piece de resistance- my Initech coffee mug. There were also some TPS cover sheets that I'm going to photocopy and distribute for sh*ts and giggles.

Anyway, like Tom Brady on the birth of his son, I'm glad that that's all over. Now we can all stop pretending we like each other and there will be no more enforced together time.

So with Amy away, it seems like things should be so much more relaxed. I guess in a way they are- for Veronica. Even though Amy came in on her day off and collected all the work so that Veronica would have that time to focus on other stuff, Veronica still found the time to dick around for most of the day.

In particular, there was a payment issue that I had emailed the rep about and the rep wanted to know what the next step was to correct it. I didn't know so I had emailed Veronica about it. Three days ago. In the meantime, I received an email from Amy telling me that the payment had been made online and I could close the Reminder. Finally yesterday Veronica gets involved in it and I'm not even exaggerating, spends the entire day asking various people about it. Including me. And I don't even think I was able to pretend to be nice about it. I think the inner snark just broke her chain and every word out of my mouth was bitchy.

My bad.

I don't know how she has the time to learn so much about South Africa. She's going to the World Cup of Soccer remember? So she's gearing up to see Invictus because its "all about South Africa you know". Also Matt Damon is in it-- not sure what that has to do with South Africa but...hey I guess it is Matt Damon. She also spent the weekend watching The Gods Must Be Crazy and Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls to get "Africanized". She's going to get herself killed.

Other Veronica annoyances from the past 24 hours. She just told someone that she was unable to help because she was "busy leading". She 'jokingly' berated the executive team for handing out chocolate because it was going to hop "her team" up on sugar. She hoped that someone would ask her another question because she didn't feel like working. And she chose her own gift in the White Elephant game.

Seriously.

Alright I think that thats long enough. I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend- the last one before Christmas! Cousin- I will see you Sunday! Be gentle- I have to go to my parents' after that too.

2 comments:

  1. Advise for Veronica...December 18, 2009 at 1:56 PM

    It might be helpful if you pick up a random piece of lumber off some job site and give it to Veronica. I think she would appreciate it since she's been "Africanized" now by watching the God's must be crazy so obviously she knows that when she intercepts a wild hyena (typical African stuff you'd never understand being all European/Canadian and all...) she can calmly place it on her head to make herself taller thus scaring away the hyena. Oh technology how I love thee...

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  2. She's too busy wearing her new purple scarf and making people feel how soft it is while exclaiming "pashmina!" in an incredulous tone.
    But when she's tired of the "pashmina!" I will give her a piece of lumber to play with.

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