Thursday, December 31, 2009

Year in Review (Catchy Title Right?)

I started to write stuff, but it was crap. So I'm starting again. No promises that this will be any better, but I didn't want to insult you with the sh*t I just wrote.

Not sure what is happening to my vocabulary, but lately? Poor blog showing. I apologize (I do that a lot eh?) and will try to work on it for the new year.

Speaking of which (professional segueway much?), today is the last day of 2009. So perhaps a recap is in order?

Its probably not in order but let's be honest, I have nothing else to offer you. I am suffering from a consecutive nights' lack of sleep. I don't even think that makes sense- basically I didn't sleep at all on Tuesday night and then last night, when I was so tired I wanted to cry, I still did not have a restful night's sleep. I'm counting on the coma-inducing quality of alcohol to give me the rest I so richly deserve.

So 2009. What a year.

This year I learned that managers do not have your best interests in mind. Ever. They are selfish, bottom-line, power hungry, money grubbing scum suckers that don't deserve to lick my shoe, let alone earn my respect. I learned that no matter how much work you get done its never good enough and that while supervisors and management can flout rules and dress codes, you can't. You might even get a letter in your file despite all your efforts. Yay management.

2009 (I know I'm not supposed to start a sentence with numbers, but I figure that given the informality of blogs and the state of mind I'm in, you will forgive me this transgression?) was the year I went to Mexico, to come back with what might have been Swine Flu (it was still called Swine Flu then, not the H1N1 we know and love today). I slipped on ice, gave myself whiplash, and got hit by a car. I also lost my Oma (thats my grandmother for those of you not in the know (who I still think about and miss each and every single day)).

Not one of these things was deemed to be worthy of sympathy or worry. Oh well the Swine Flu thing was, but only in the sense that they didn't want me infecting my co-workers. Think of the lost productivity! Well there was concern in June when they looked at how many days I was missing (due to whiplash and Oma passing and swine flu) and they wanted me to tell them why I was away on each day. Apparently the death of a grandparent is not a good enough reason to miss work.

This was also the year that I spent a lot of time with John. Going over nothing. A lot of the time I fantasized about various ways that I could cause him pain. It started with harmeless ideas like stapling things to his face (a la Bridget Jones and her Perpetua), or sticking my foot out so that he would trip and graduated to things like him getting hit by a car, or falling into a manhole, setting him on fire or stabbing him. Sounds violent, but I mean it in a cartoon violence kind of way.

I had a lot of ups and downs with Veronica this year as well. There are days when I can get along with her (like just now, I called her a hoodrat and she laughed. But she really does look like a hoodrat) and we have a laugh. And there are other days when I want to kick her head in. Days when she wears flip flops to work, or snaps at me, points out errors when I'm training, talks about her growing knowledge of South Africa etc. I can't decide if there are more times that I want to hit her or that I feel pity for her. Because I do feel bad for her. I mean, she works here and she likes it and she's a lifer. A lifer.

That's worse than anything else that I could ever do to her.

This was the year that we learned more about Maurice. We learned that Maurice has no concept of the world around him, likes flashy clothes and will defend his Blackberry to the death (despite the fact that my iPhone is so much better). We learned that it was fun to torment him and that if he leaves his email open, it is totally OK to send "I love you" emails to co-workers. In many ways, Maurice is the perfect cubicle buddy. He provides light hearted entertainment on days when, let's face it, I need a laugh. Just don't ask him to actually do any work. Don't let the blank expression fool you- the guy is a Class A Pass-the-Bucker.

Obviously this was also the year that I started the blog. It has been a wonderful release to whine, complain, bitch and moan about all the bad things that happen to me at work and an even better way to make fun of all the people that make life here so unbearable. I owe a lot of gratitude to you stalwart supporters of the blog. I feel good when you read, love when you comment and just all around like having you around.

Finally this was the year that I learned that my expensive post-secondary education is worth exactly nothing. Turns out that promises of a raise once I completed my degree were just lies and the economy crashing provided the perfect excuse not to follow through. So when the new guys came in and took over they offered me the same salary as before. Well what I was told was the same, but am still pretty sure is less than before. Thanks for looking out for me John. I guess an even bigger thanks is owed to the d-bag manager with no name who came before John who never even gave me a letter outlining my salary.

Looking forward - well it can't get any worse can it? No matter what I will not be working here in the fall (they will shut the department down). Now the only decision is whether to get out before then or ride it out and take the compensation. I'm still clinging to the positive messages of my 2010 horoscope. Mainly all that stuff about moneybags Jupiter being in my sign for 8 months and that my job prospects have never been better.

Good news for my professional well being. Finally.

And speaking of professional well being, today is the blog muse's last day. Claire will be going back to school to finish what she started. And let's face it, she was through being sh*t on every day. The position of Gatekeeper (for all the crazies) is not an easy one, but she performed it every day with style and grace and they are going to miss her so much. Not as much as I will miss her daily words! Not like I won't see her- but the words. The words! I hope you will still check in every once in a while Claire -a great procrastination tool!

Alright everyone, from the Cubicle, I wish you all a very happy and healthy 2010! Have fun tonight!


  1. The year of bullshitDecember 31, 2009 at 11:29 AM

    I love your comment on management. It's sickly true. No one is ever out for you just themselves. The sooner people learn this the sooner things get better. The term "it's just business" is total bullshit. This generation will have to be known for it's greed. Oh what a wonderful life! Have a great 2010! I hope you find ways to screw over people less enfranchised than you as well as others have found ways to exploit your uses!

  2. while I agree that my comment about management was brilliant, I don't want to ever be the kind of person that screws other people over.

    Unless its John.

  3. I just want to tell you that this is the first time I have EVER read an entire blog post. Needless to say I am SO subscribed. You're awesome. It seems you had a rough year. I did too, but there's always sunshine after the rain..even if the rain seems more like a level 5 hurricane.

    Happy Blogging,

  4. I'm blushing, stop!
    But don't actually, I love when people like me. I'm like Sally Field that way.