All Over The Map

When I'm not sitting in front of the computer searching for jobs, I have a really good, positive attitude about my ongoing job search. I'm filled with comforting platitudes like "If its meant to be it will be" and "it will all work out the way its supposed to" and my personal favourite "the perfect job will find me".

But when I'm staring at the computer, confronted with all the job postings that I'm either not quite qualified for or over-qualified for, I start to feel that cold hand squeeze my stomach in panic. 

Where is this perfect job? Why isn't it finding me? Why haven't I been able to flaunt my new, fabulous job in the faces of all the a$$holes that I used to work with? Why isn't everything working out? Did I not suffer enough in that place? Universe, why are you playing games with me?

Part of the problem is, I'm not looking to work at Home Depot at this point (although I have heard good things). Part of me (that part that looks at bank statements and sees no money coming in and freaks out) totally entertains the idea of begging for work at Chapters (do you think they would just pay me in books?) but the more rational part of me knows that that's just a cop out at this point. I suffered for over 2 years, completely undervalued, treated like an idiot, punished for being awesome. 

They keep saying that the economy has recovered, that we're back to where we want to be. But if this is true, where are all the jobs? I just went through page after page of job listings that consisted of retail sales positions. I know that Christmas is coming up (no one is getting any presents at this rate FYI) but can we not segregate these jobs from the career-starting jobs?

I even tried posting myself on LinkedIn. I kept seeing it on job sites and figured, why not? What can it hurt to have my info out there for people to see. 

I deleted my pathetic LinkedIn profile. We don't need half-a$$ed anythings associated with my name. 

Why? Well the problem with LinkedIn is that you have to choose one industry to "work" in. And that's kind of the problem I'm having. At this point, as long as the industry I end up in isn't finance or insurance, I'm pretty much good. I have no problems getting someone's coffee as long as there is room for advancement, a way to be promoted within the company or get some kind of on-the-job training. You know?

In my head it totally makes sense. The companies that I have sent resumes to should just call me and set up an interview. Because I totally rock at interviews and then they would see that I'm completely capable of completing any tasks they throw at me with flair. Seriously.

Until that day (its coming right?) I will continue to comfort myself with "it will all work out the way its supposed to". 

And I will even try to believe it.