Thursday, May 27, 2010

Wanted: New Hires That Don't Suck

So the office is feeling a little empty since the departure of 3 colleagues (2 were fired and one moved on to bigger and better). Even though we will be obsolete within about 4 months this is the perfect time to hire on some new people.

Guess who's job it was to start the search?

If you guessed Veronica you are right! Johnny, tell them what they won!

No you didn't win anything. Its not that kind of blog.

Anyway, yesterday one of Veronica's tasks was to find out if they could hire on some new temps, if so how many and to start the process.

I got to listen to her conversation with the temp agency.You're so jealous right now. Apparently we are looking for 3, possibly 4 people (they have to hire 2 people to do the job that one person they fired did, makes sense right?), that are able to work effectively on a team that has collective targets, and are willing to work in a business casual 9-5 environment.

Sounds like a dream doesn't it?

Anna and I are both so thrilled that our lack of raises has allowed them to have the budget capacity to hire on an additional 3, maybe 4 people. That these people will get to share the joy that we have in our jobs each and every day is just icing on the proverbial cake.

Listening to her make this place sound all utopian I wanted to scream. Why? Because she is so full of sh*t!

Let's go through this step by step shall we?

Team environment? Please. The only thing that is remotely team like about this place is that we all get in trouble for the mistakes of the few. We all collectively get painted with the same brush. If Joe Shmoe comes in 5 minutes late, we're all 5 minutes late and get to read an email entitled "Housekeeping" about what it means when you are 5 minutes late. God forbid they just let it go. She should have told them that we all work in our little boxes quietly for several hours and that if they were talkers this probably wasn't the right environment for them.

Collective targets? No. We each have different jobs that don't really mesh together. The only time we are all put on the same task is when Amy notices that we are starting to fall behind and that's probably only because John or someone else above her starts riding her a$$. The rules are always changing and no one seems to know what the correct process is at any given time. No, no. Veronica was better off letting them know that the new hires would be given tasks to complete with no clear guidelines, rules or people available to provide correct answers to their questions.

Business casual. Don't make me laugh. Technically we have a dress code. And most of us follow it more or less. You know who doesn't? Amy and Veronica. Weird because they are all, like, in charge and stuff and should totally be setting the example. But they don't. Amy likes to wear cords, which I'm not sure, but doesn't seem to fit in the business casual dress code. As for Veronica. Well she likes tank tops, flip flops, cleavage and ill fitting pants. If she is wearing a strapless dress she drapes a shawl over her shoulders. Short skirts and club apparel also seem to make fairly frequent appearances around the office while some of the guys prefer dressing like Jay-Z. So a more accurate description probably would have been "we don't allow jeans but pretty much everything else goes. Unless we don't like you and then nothing is ever acceptable"

Nine to 5? Really? Really? I don't think anyone here actually works a 9-5 day. There are all kinds of exceptions for school or other jobs and commute time. I work 8.30-4.30 (commute time). There are 8-4s and 7-3s. Some people work 8-5 so that they can bank holiday time (I'm looking at you temps). Point is, almost no one here actually works 9-5. But don't try and skip your lunch or a break to take off an hour earlier. Its ok if its a "one off" but don't make it a habit and also "make sure that you finish all your work before you leave" (this happened to me yesterday. Like I'm friggin' Cinderella). Veronica should have just told them that 9-5 is the preferred schedule but really anything goes as long as they are here for 8 hours.

With Veronica's guidelines I wonder what kind of miscreants we are going to get this time around. The last time we did a hiring blitz we did so well .

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