Monday, October 4, 2010

Unemployed Illness Guilt

I feel like I'm getting sick. Which makes me even less willing to look for jobs than I was before.

Its not that I don't want a shiny new job, obviously. Its that I hate looking for one. I feel the same way about studying. Just don't like to do it. A necessary evil I guess. But like I said, I'm getting sick.

Back when I was working for the devil, I would have welcomed the opportunity to legitimately miss out on some work days. Especially on a Monday! But these days obviously I don't have a job to call in sick to. All I really want to do is drag my blankets off my bed, move them to the couch and watch terrible television.

I totally have the freedom to do this. But I would feel super guilty all day.

Therein lies the rub.

When I had a job (the one that I hated you might recall) I didn't feel guilty about taking a sick day, even if that sick day was more that The Boyfriend's parents were in town. I felt guilty when I first started working there but that was before I really knew what it was like there. I should also point out that before that job I never took sick days unless I was honest-to-God dying and couldn't leave my bed. And let's face it, that kind of illness doesn't  happen very often.

So to recap: employed me welcomed the chance to skip out on work due to illness as a way of getting back at the establishment for treating me like a second class citizen.


Now that I don't have a job and the only things that I have to accomplish each day are job searching and gym going, I agonize over whether to take a time out. Because the only person that it affects, is me. Well me and The Boyfriend since its my fault we have no money to spend on fun things right now.

Plus if I'm just starting to get sick now one of 2 things will happen: either it will continue to be a false alarm like it has been for the past week and I will have wasted a job searching day for nothing or I will get really violently ill and I will have to waste 2 days of job searching.

I guess I'm job searching today. But I'm not happy about it. Think of it as my version of your sucky-office-Monday.

1 comment:

  1. im so depressed to the point where i wanna like hurt myself!!!!!!and f*ck, i hate job searching too!