Thursday, January 7, 2010

Being Passive Aggressive

So today I think I shall use this here blog to get some things off my chest. Whats that you say? I always do that? Well that is technically true. But I address it to no one in particular and I think that the time has come to call out some of the d-bags I work with, or people that I encounter on my way to work (lady bus driver). Of course, its completely passive- aggressive because (God hoping) none of them read this, but it will make me feel better. And blogging is about nothing if not self-gratification.

So here we go.

Dear Veronica,

I know that you are so excited about your pending trip to South Africa. But its 6 months away. And I do not intend to hear about it every day for the next half year. I don't care what route you are taking. I don't care that you booked a little bed and breakfast in Cape Town where you will sleep in some old woman's house and get croissants for breakfast while you look out over the city. I don't care that you are attempting to read up about the history of the country (I know you saw Invictus but I have yet to see any actual proof that you are reading anything) basically because I'm not going. I'm really happy for you that you make enough money here to be able to just run off to South Africa for the World Cup and stay there for a month, but you don't need to leave your online banking open so that you can prove it. I would love for you to pretend that you are an actual supervisor, taking the good with the bad.

And for God's sake, stop wearing flip flops to work! I don't care that you got a pedicure!

Sincerely, Bored@Work


Dear Lady Bus Driver,

I get it. You drive a bus and you probably hate it. I would hate it too- all those people all the time. None of them probably even acknowledge you, or the fact that you have to drive the same route all day every day in city traffic. I get it. I smile, I say "Good Morning" to you every day. But I don't get a smile or any acknowledgement back? What is that about? And then you take it a step further, don't you, by calling out people on the bus when they haven't paid enough. Most bus drivers just let it slide. They recognize that a) the buses are ridiculously expensive here and b) they could get stabbed over $2. So they let it lie. But not you. Oh no. You get on your speaker and you call the guy out who got in on the back doors. Not allowed, you say. Only the front doors, you remind him. Or that time that the couple who couldn't speak English didn't know that they hadn't paid you enough and didn't understand that you were talking to them. But you didn't get the bus moving until someone else had tried to mime to them that they were the ones holding up the bus. Couldn't let it go. You will get the money. From anyone.

Just relax. Smile once in a while. Seriously stop calling people out, because I promise you not everyone will be so passive about it. Don't you watch the news lady? While we're at it, can nothing be done about the road down the mountain? I feel like my head is going to become detached from my body with all that shaking.

Seriously, Bored@Work


Dear Maurice,

I just really want to thank you. For being you. And for bringing sunshine into the Cubicle. You're not aware of it of course, but I promise you its there. You don't know what garlands are, never heard of Milli Vanilli and you don't know anything about Full House. Its like you're not a whole person. But you keep on truckin' don't you? You come to work every day, dress yourself like a big boy and say to the world "Hello World". Sure, you never refill the printer. Or really know what you're doing. You get chewed out for the same thing every single time (here's a hint man, start reading over things before you send them out) but you stubbornly persist in doing things your way. I guess you didn't get this far by listening to other people.

You hang in there Maurice. You're a f**king star.



Dear Amy,

I know that this isn't where you saw yourself. And this job was kind of thrown on you. You haven't been allowed to really take charge and do it on your own either. But that doesn't give you the right to sit by while John takes charge and patronizes your staff. We are your staff. The only one that gets to yell at us, is you. You may not realize this, but we respect you. Sure, sometimes you come across as an ice queen. But we know that you are just under a lot of pressure. Its OK. But please don't let John walk all over you and take charge. He walked away remember? You're the manager. Please start acting like it.



Oh you knew it was coming...

Dear John,

Don't worry, this isn't that kind of letter. You have been in charge of this department for over a year now and you have managed to make exactly no changes. When you came in you were all about changing attitudes, making people feel good about coming to work etc etc. And just FYI: you have completely f**king failed at all of that. Not only have you failed, you have gone backwards. I'm pretty sure when the D-bag-with-no-name was in charge all we had to really worry about was being watched for time- making sure we got to work on time, and took perfectly timed breaks. But not now. Oh no. Now there is so much more we need to watch out for. You have managed to belittle, disrespect, question, harass and needle people each and every day for a good...8 months now. Does it feel good? Do you enjoy making people feel like s**t every day?

Do you know whats not acceptable? Not knowing what the hell is going on in your own department. And undermining the manager of that department. Because I don't know if you got the memo John, but about 5 months ago, you actually stepped back from the running of this department. You passed the reins to Amy. But you couldn't step back could you? You couldn't just walk away. You had to keep sticking your stupid ugly nose back in, when no one wants you around! Everything that goes on in this department? Its none of your business. If Amy wants a hand, she'll find you. You don't need to babysit.

Don't think for a second that you have gotten away with any of this. Do you honestly think that I am going to sit down and take all of your sh*t? Do you know me at all? No you don't- you had no interest in getting to know me. Well you're going to find out exactly what I think of you. And so are your superiors. When I quit. And I will quit one of these days John. There's this little thing that they call an exit interview and I have a list of things that I would like to go over. All the things that you have said to me, done to me, done to the department- its all written down. I don't want to forget a thing when I finally have my chance to throw you under the bus.




Oh wow. That last one felt really really good. I can't wait until I win the lottery or get another job. Whichever comes first. And we are getting close people, we are getting close. The economy is picking up, we have begun the mortgage process (that's why I've been staying so long) and its only a matter of time before I get to tell John off. But seriously, that was therapeutic you should all try it.


  1. I've saved every asshole email one of my fellow employees has sent me over the last three plus years, for the day that I finally can't take anymore, I'm printing them out and handing them to my boss so that he can find out for himself why I'm no longer their puppet on a string.....It's going to be sweet. Really sweet, I tell you.

  2. I must say I really enjoyed this. But just to clear things work in a high school right?

  3. I love this. I would love to do one like this to people I work with. I get so tired of some of them. It sounds like we have common co-workers :)

  4. You should do it! Even if its just for yourself. Its so therapeutic!

    Grinch- I think if I worked in a highschool I would have fewer problems.

    And Laurie- I also save emails. It will feel soooooo good when we leave!