Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The One Where I Compare Tuesdays To A Baby Turtle

Today is going to be a long day.

Anna says that I have been here too long, but I have a theory about why today will be so long. Yesterday was Monday (duh), and the expectation, naturally, was for it to be a really long, painful, slow day. But the Universe likes to keep me on my toes and time passed smoothly enough. Before I knew it, the day was over.

But the Universe doesn't do this to be kind. The Universe does this to kick me when I'm down. By allowing Monday to pass quickly, the Universe thinks that I have been tricked into believing that the rest of the week will follow suit. Well Universe, you may recall that I was not born yesterday. And sadly, the 2 year anniversary of my prison sentence (working here) is coming up, so I know how things roll in the Cubicle.

Today will be slow. It will be worse than slow. It will be a baby turtle trying to cross the huge beach to get safely into the water, only to reach the edge and be picked off by a bird searching for a meal. Today is that baby turtle.

Sure, my analogy doesn't make any sense, and maybe I need to lay off the Planet Earth series, but it doesn't have to make sense and I think I'm cured of that series anyway after the slow painful death of the polar bear. Maybe that should have been my analogy. I just kind of like turtles. And they are slow. Polar bears are powerful. Tuesdays aren't powerful.

I had a point?

Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. Point is, I'm not making any sense.

Anna isn't here today. Let's all take a minute to blame Anna for being selfish and allowing herself to get sick and leave me here to rot alone.

Way to go Anna.

But seriously, feel better.

So that you can come back. I have an email waiting for you with everything that you have missed.

I added to my Quit List this morning. About the lack of clearly defined managerial/supervisory roles. Veronica's hair is in pigtails. Well braids. What's the correct terminology here? Anyway, whatever it is, it doesn't exactly scream "I'm in charge". Instead it calls to mind little girls in dresses on the playground sucking on a lollipop. If you are a pedophile, please leave the blog area immediately. For the rest of you, I can see how that reference seems dirty. That was not my intention.

I would like to say that I am in a better frame of mind than I was yesterday. I tried to be. I even went to the gym last night to run off the bitterness. But this morning I came in to an email (first thing, why do they do that?) asking me how I was going to make up the 5 minutes that I was late yesterday. Five minutes. I wonder why it makes them so happy to be so petty. I guess because they lead such pathetic, non-fulfilling lives. I mean, I work here too, but at least outside of this building my life doesn't completely suck.

But on the inside. Oh man. The bitterness, the disrespect, the boredom. I am bored 99.9% of my work day. Can you imagine that kind of boredom, that waste of time and mental resources? It happens. Every. Single. Day. In my real life, I'm not a b*tch. Not all the time anyway- in my day I have even been called sweet. But in the shark tank, the Cubicle? I'm a raging b*tch because its the only way to cope.

I think people are honestly surprised (the people that I decide are worthy of my time anyway, and there aren't many--yesterday I told Amy that I was only laughing at her bad joke because she was my boss) when they find that I'm not actually a horrible person. I hate that I am this person at work, but I don't really see any other way around it.

I try to be nice and I get screwed.

So I'm on my game all the time. And I'm tired.

It must be coming to an end. I mean, 2 years. About a year and a half longer than I intended to work here. But while I continue to serve my indefinite sentence, you will all be regaled with tales of bitterness and woe. And you know you like it.


  1. Dhalsim...The pioneer of Yoga in North America?January 19, 2010 at 10:15 AM

    I think you need to practice yoga breathing at work...

  2. I know someone who holds the philosophy that Tuesday is the best day of the week, because it's as far away from Monday as you can get.

  3. I try to take deep breathes at work, it only gets you so far. Usually something new and aggravating throws the breathing back off. I need to hit things.

    And that is an interesting theory tattytiara. I like it, but its hard to really get behind it today. I will try it next week.

  4. If you take enough deep breaths to calm you down, you are likely to shorten the air supply to your brain and pass out.

    When Veronica, or better yet, John, tries to wake you up, you should be like..."Child, please." :-)

  5. I like the idea of passing out at work. I've prayed for it to happen before.

    But I swear if John touched me while I was unconscious I would wake up kicking him in the face. And then I would say "Child, please".

  6. No one would notice you if you passed out at work. Remember when that did happen?

    I'm horribly sorry for leaving you today with out any warning. I also can't believe they sent you an email for 5 minutes. maybe stay the extra 5 minutes you are supposed to be there. I'm sure that will go over well.