Friday, January 29, 2010

Rasputin Was Totally The Hulk's B*tch!

You need the context for that title. Basically Rasputin and The Hulk were cats. This was a sentence that came out of Anna's mouth in the lunchroom. And it might be my favourite thing ever said.

We finally made it folks! Friday is here. The furthest we can possibly get from Monday is at the end of business today. I can't wait.

In the meantime, I have to deal with some extra attention today.

See, I cut about 8 inches of hair off last night. It feels good, I'm still tentative about the whole thing. I think it was necessary. But when you make a change like that, people have their own thoughts they want to contribute.

Amy is disappointed in me because as a believer in long hair, I should have checked with her first. She does admit that it looks good (and it does) but it was a begrudging confession.

A guy from the other department rushed in and said that it looked fabulous and that he is gay so he "knows hair". Stereotyping statements aside, I enjoyed the reaction.

My favourite has to be Veronica's though. She has been working on growing her hair long for a while now. Its finally starting to get somewhere and she's pretty proud of it. But then she saw my hair and started talking about cutting it off again, to look like mine. She actually said, "If I cut my hair, it will be like hers". I wish I was making this up. We can add hair cut to the list of things she does like me along with OPI nail polish obsession and matching earrings.

If she cuts her hair like mine I will have no choice but to shave mine all off.

(sidenote: Veronica is currently singing along softly to her ipod. And in her downtime is trying to read a whole magazine about world cup soccer. A whole magazine!)

John hasn't been by yet. And I'm dreading him walking by. Because he can't just walk by and not notice, we will have to have a conversation about it. I have no qualms telling him that it was necessary because I will be having to look for a new job soon (the department is closing down after all) and shorter hair is more professional. Double dig- I haven't cared about having professional hair here, and I will be moving on from this ho-hum industry existence.

Speaking of extra attention. Remember when I made that list of rules for the newbies? I even linked it for you, I'm a champ like that. I would like to tell you a horror story about Rule #4. Record- I'm stealing your story. This will not be the last time either.

Basically I have this friend, and she started a new job recently. And the people in her office are complete a-holes because nobody seems to realize how awesome she is and want to have lunch with her or even talk to her. Like I said, I make exceptions for the cool FNPs- my friend is one of these FNPs. But I guess people in her office are Inbred Drunk City Planners (IDCPs) and can't see it.

Except for the Pregnant Girl.

When she first told me that this Pregnant Girl had invited her for lunch, my response was characteristic of where I am in my professional life: "Be careful. She probably just wants someone to plan her office baby shower."

Sure it was said after a particularly heinous workweek. But I think I was more right than wrong on this one (as is so often the case).

I have since been told that Pregnant Girl discusses her sleeping patterns, nausea, cramping and Kiegal exercises. Sure, this is stuff that pregnant people may discuss with other pregnant people, or their partners, maybe even very close personal friends. But not people you just met in your office. The best part though? How she has been talking to her husband about saving money so that she can have reconstructive surgery on her lady bits.


Is this appropriate office banter?

As Mrs Dashwood says to her youngest daughter in Sense and Sensibility- if you cannot think of anything appropriate to say you will kindly restrict your comments to the weather.

I happen to think that this is very good advice. There isway too much oversharing in the office these days and my poor friend was avictim of a pretty heinous overshare. Here is a short list of things that are OK to discuss with people in the office (especially when you don't know each other):

1. weather
2.sports teams
3. traffic
4. restaurants
5. weekend plans (unless they involve freaky sexual things)
6. movies/ tv

Pretty simple no? And yet, there is so much to choose from! Sports team on a hot streak? Talk about it! Olympics coming to town, f*cking up all the traffic? Rage on that! Had an interesting dinner experience? Compare notes. How about Conan's last show? Wasn't that sad?

So many discussions, and none of them involve any lady bits, which in my book, is always a bonus.

TGIF indeed.


  1. I will absolutely require extensive psychotherapy to recover from the aforementioned experience... it'll be expensive... please send all donations to the Record c/o Cubicle Confusion.

  2. Yes, yes and yes. To all of it. And a happy TFIF to you!

  3. Hysterical!!!

    It reminds me of the time that a coworker once shared with me that her mother was suffering from an all-over-the body external yeast infection.

    Ew. Gross is an understatement.

  4. VEG: I thought TFIF meant something different, til I read your post. I have the first season and I keep meaning to watch it. Now its right at the top of my list!

    Sweet-Britches: that is nasty. I seriously hope her mom got that looked after and that you never had occasion to have to touch that co-worker.

    Record: we are all here for you. Just let it out.