Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Confflicts of Interest

So you know how when you are a kid you have close group of friends and you all run together and hang out and if anyone says anything bad about one of you, they wind up with a face full of dirt? Or if you have a brother or a sister, you fight like cats and dogs but at the end of the day its still your sibling and no one can say anything bad about them to you.Well that's all very well and good on the playground, but can you imagine what havoc that would wreak in the workplace?

Wonder no more.

When we first started working on our own product, naturally a Consultant had to be brought in to oversee the process with a pair of fresh eyes. Of all the Consultants in all the world the one we had to choose was Amy's brother. I mean really. There were no other experienced applicants? Please.

At the time, a few eyebrows were raised--but these eyebrows belonged to underlings such as myself and we were assured that all the appropriate protocol was followed, that they wouldn't be working closely together anyway. And then we were dismissed.

Well not only do they work closely together, they collaborate. Amy is in charge of the people processing and Turd Ferguson is responsible for creating these processes.

Which would be fine. If he wasn't incompetent. And arrogant. And a complete a-hole.He knows that his remaining time here is running out and actually has the gall to tell us that he knows his processes don't work but that he doesn't care because he's leaving. Meanwhile, his processes cause frustration and headache in his wake.

When he does talk to you he speaks to like you are slow. He speaks slowly and clearly with belittling remarks thrown in for good measure. Example: "It seems we have a little communication problem" -- yeah, you are a lousy communicator, I don't know what you are talking about half the time.

He also has nicknames for people. That they do not like. They tell him that they don't appreciate the nickname and he gets really curt and sharp. And continues to use it.

If that wasn't bad enough, Lilly and I get busted for having a 2 minute conversation, but on more than one occasion TF has stood talking to anyone from Maurice (old chum) to Amy (sister) -- anyone that will pretend to listen for upwards of 15 minutes.

But no one says anything to him. The underlings that we are, we certainly don't have any power to chastize him for time wasting. Plus we're grown ups, we should all know better! It would be another thing entirely if a) we actually enjoyed listening to him b) were able to participate in his soliloquys or c) he was able to contain the level of his voice, maintaining about a 30cm inside voice.

Even though I get reamed out for having a conversation, Turd Ferguson is untouchable. He's the department manager's brother! How did this happen?John? He's the old managers best friend. From highschool. Tell me that isn't biased. He inherited all the problems from the old d-bag and made them worse.

But you have no recourse. You can't blame it on the old guy to John because he visibly flinches (I have put a fair amount of blame on him, he made a big mess). And what are you going to say to John about John? Or his new ragtag coffee clutch. Which includes...wait for it...Turd Ferguson.

And so the circle is complete.

So incestuous.

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