Tuesday, June 16, 2009

New Resolve

Today I'm just angry. Frustrated. And cynical.At a real low point today. Dumbfounded really. And in a lot of pain on the right side of my back and shoulder- the repetitive nature of my work is catching up with me in the form of back pain. Awesome.

It's not like I wasn't aware that I work in the least sympathetic, least interesting and most aggravating place on earth. I was aware that my superiors are bottom-line based industry folks with little or no people skills (which is why they are in this industry in the first place) but I thought we had gotten to a place where we could co-exist in harmony.

Today my current manager channelled my former d-bag of a manager. It was scary. She used his exact facial expression and tone of voice. I was instantly transformed from a 24 year old into a 9 year old caught with my hand in the proverbial cookie jar. Although actually when I was 9, I'm pretty sure I was never made to feel like I did today.

Before I tell today's story, let me just preface by saying that even though I hate this job, I recognize that it's a job. And unfortunately for me, I do have a work ethic. So even though I can't stand this place, or my managers, even though I earn no money and am treated poorly, I still give them 100%. I don't know why either. That's just the way that I am. For example- I am the fastest and most accurate at sending the new product out to the clients. I can't help it. Not that its particularly challenging work mind you. A monkey could do it. That doesn't mean that everyone that works here is capable of course...

So. The story.It was early in the day. I had already processed a bunch of the stuff that had been on my desk. My friend Lilly had had a rough morning here in our lovely department, getting s**t on by various superiors. Even though she does the work of 3 people. So I went to give her some tissues and while I was over there she showed me pictures of her beautiful new baby niece. I was looking at the pictures on Lilly's camera, perched on her desk for MAYBE two minutes. A nice mental break, like a cool breeze on a hot summer day, is necessary to maintain sanity.But then my manager, Amy, looks over at us, narrows her eyes and says, in her best patronizing manager voice: "Girls, if you're not on your break, put that away and go back to your desk".

I swear that my jaw hit the floor. My face flushed. I felt like a child. I slipped off the desk and wandered back to my desk in a daze. Questions floated around in my head-- Who does she think she is? How dare she talk to me like that? What is this place? How did I get here?How do I get out?

I know that the economy is not in the best shape but there has to be something out there for me that isn't this. I mean this, this is not good for my mental or physical health. You spend 40 of your waking hours at work, with the same people- the job can't be this bad and the people (for the most part) can't suck this hard!

In a way I guess Amy did me a favour. By treating me like a child I found the resolve necessary to get out, to be aggressive and find another job at all costs. But I'm still angry. Angry that she is unable to recognize hard work when she sees it. Angry that as a manager she has not taken the time to work on her people skills and make herself her employees' champion. And angry that since she has chastized me I have worked harder. What is the deal with that? I guess if I had been home I would have cleaned or slammed some doors or something. But I was here, so what was there to do except work.

She wins again.

This has to stop. Anyone know of jobs for me?

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