Wednesday, June 17, 2009

David Letterman

I bet that you are curious now. How did David Letterman make his way into the cubicle? Well as much fun as that would be, it's really just a case of me copying his format. I am bored at work. Shocking I know, since you have been reading of my love affair with my job, but it's true. So I came up with a Top 10.

The Inaugural Top 10 list--I don't know that this will become a regular thing, but for today, its a bit of fun.

Top 10 Things to Kill Time

1. Fantasize about how I will quit. Sometimes there are profanities involved. Sometimes its all very civil, a reasonable typed out letter. Other times I just don't come in. All are equally fun to imagine and fine tune, for the day will come when I have to put a plan in action.

2. Fantasize about winning the lottery. Obviously first things first: I will quit. Pay off parental houes. Then, I'm thinking a canal house in Amsterdam, something fabulous in London and Italy, and travelling aimlessly for a while. A good year. And after that just float around between houses, never working in an office again. Work on a book. Open a bar somewhere that needs one. The good thing about winning the lottery (in your head) is that the possibilities are endless.

3. Blog. Read blogs. Facebook. I haven't stumbled on Twitter yet (I confess, I don't totally get it). But the blogosphere and Facebook have been found to be extremely effective time wasting tools. Admittedly I am jealous of people that blog full time. And get paid for it? How does this come about (without obnoxious ads ruining everything)? But think about the things you can learn about people from, reading their Facebook. Pictures, quizzes (which classic movie star are you? How well do you know Disney movies? Which circle of Hell are you?), status updates, and the wall posts! A time waster's dream.

4. Look for a new job. There are countless job search websites. Sometimes the search is deadly serious, pleading with my search engines to turn up something good, in my area, that isn't complete grunt work. Sometimes its for my amusement only. And I click through craigslist, hoping there will be something hilarious like this time that I found a post for a Nanny to work for this mom that sounded like a nightmare. But she was totally up front about it. Points for being honest.

5. Celebrity stalking. Its not like I take their pictures, but I definitely look at them. Indirectly I'm just as bad? But really, its only so that I can look at their glamourous lives and make plans for when I win the lottery. And when that gets boring, it becomes about judging their poor choices. Like Lindsay Lohan posting a nearly nude picture of herself on Twitter- what was that? Why is Dina such a bad example? What is the deal with Kate's hair? Why is Billy Ray ok with his 16 year old daughter getting wet and basically naked for a movie? This is what I do with my time, it makes me feel slightly better on my moral high horse.

6. Read the days' headlines. So that when I do get a new job, I will be smart. Because lord knows this job is making quick work of making me stupid.

7. Read and forward funny emails to co-workers. In an office there is never a shortage of "funny" emails that everyone must read. These contain jokes about parenting, relationships, the origins of swine flu. Sometimes they are truly funny (the motivational posters come to mind) but mostly, they are a way for us to distract ourselves, for a moment, from the disaster that is our jobs.

8. Think of creative ways to waste time. There are the old stand bys like frequent bathroom breaks. But there is also making up Top 10 lists, walking around the office with an armload of paper and an expression of purpose, and having important looking discussions with friends. But if you are engaged in the latter, please be aware of management floating around and be able to switch to work related chatter at the drop of a hat.

9. If there is music in your office (a radio, or an ipod, even better), sing along. Make up dance routines in your head. Act them out in the privacy of your cubicle.

10. Count down the days. To anything.

Did any of those help?


  1. My goodness, I love your top ten list, I do a few of those things regularily!

  2. I do wish I had a cubicle. Oh, the privacy of a 3/4 box without a my office I have to sit out front, completely exposed, so that if I pick my nose, I risk everyone seeing it. But I still do it anyways.

    You're just lucky you can actually open Facebook at work.. it's blocked on my work computer, along with Youtube, so I must resort to using it on my phone.

    I do #3, 5, 6, and 8. Sometimes 9 if hardly anyone is around.