Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Three Weeks Later...

A plate of cookies has ended up on my desk. Fresh, home-made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies have ended up on my desk. If they are not removed, I will make them all disappear.

(By eating them if that insinuation wasn't clear enough)

I guess in the grand scheme of things having a plate of delicious sitting on your desk isn't really a problem. Its kind of a problem because I have no will power but its not a real problem I suppose. I just thought you would like to know.

Remember when I did that nice thing by lending my ipod to that girl that forgot hers? So that she would be able to carry on with her day listening to the sweet, sweet sounds of 90s one hit wonders? I know, I'm too good.

Well that was 3 weeks ago and she still has it.

What's that saying? No good deed goes unpunished.

And now I have the desire to listen to the Wicked soundtrack. You know what I'm talking about? You rock.

I am not a confrontational person. I hate conflict. I pretty well have to be cornered to discuss anything serious. But once cornered, I don't back down. Well, as non-back-down-y as a person can be when their hands are shaky, their heart is racing and breathing becomes somewhat laboured.

Like I said, not confrontational.

But I need my ipod back. I don't want to be an a-hole about it (even though she is kind of being an a-hole, keeping my ipod for 3 weeks) but I don't really know how to go about this. So I have come up with some strategies and I need your advice.

1. I go up to her and just ask her if I can have my ipod back because listening to music on my iphone is killing my batteries. And also, there isn't a lot of music variety on my iphone (500+ vs 1900+). One can only listen to so much Glee you know? This method seems really straightforward though, and the possibility for misunderstanding seems small, so I'm not sure that this will really work out that well for me.

2. I steal it back. I have noticed that sometimes she leaves it lying on her desk when she isn't there (what's that about!? Is that your ipod that you are being careless with? No. Its mine! Smarten up!) so I could just casually walk by and pocket it? I don't know if she would then confess to me that it was lost...because that could lead to some awkward moments where I tell her that actually I stole it because I was in Aqua withdrawal.

3. I send her an email/leave her a post-it asking for it back. This appeals to me because it seems like its the most passive aggressive. When she returns it to me I can be all "no! It wasn't a big deal, I just got tired of listening to musicals hahaha" (which would probably never happen- the tired of musicals part. I would totally act nonchalant about it, that's why this plan is so perfect).

Those are my 3 options. I also came up with "Leave it alone" which works on the assumption that at some point she will in fact, return it of her own accord. But mostly I think that she won't. And I would like it back. It was supposed to be a one day thing.

Like this isn't enough to worry about (free cookies AND my ipod? Too much reality for one day) John has just walked into the f*cking office. Why is he here? Not that I'm not excited to hear the sound of his voice this morning, or the his dumba$$ laughter emanating from the executive side of the office, but...damn it he just made me eat another cookie! He's such a life ruiner!

I thought it couldn't get worse. But I would be wrong. Because Turd Furguson is here too. Monday was so much better than this.

While John has decided to hire his friends and partner, Turd is taking on his sister and his wife (for those of you new to the blog, Amy is Turd's sister. And Turd is exactly that, a turd). September 30th can't come fast enough.

Just 79 days to go! We're in the 70s now Anna! So much progress has been made.


  1. what a whore... can i poke her (or pull her hair from behind)??? I'm a good theif....i can either 2), or 1) WITH some hostility or 3) make sure you draw a dead stick figure on your postit...just to make sure to let her know that you ain't f*ckin around....

  2. Oh, you poor thing. Thirty years ago, I would have been feeling just what you're feeling (okay, I would have been even more steamed, but you know). I would have held it in, and let it bother me until I exploded in a totally inappropriate,scary I'm-a-big-baby way....ARRRGH!

    Okay, but, let's move on. Fact is, now I'm OLD. Now I know better. Here's what you do.

    Stroll over to her desk. Smile. Say, hi, (insert name of horrible low-life), how are you this morning? Say, listen, I'm dying to hear (insert music); could I have my ipod back?

    Now, the hard part. Stop. Talking.

    Don't rush in with more and more babbling. I say this because this is what happens to nice people like us when we're making a perfectly reasonable request to an unreasonable person.
    Remember. Stop talking.

    Wait until she hands you the ipod. (Did I say, stop talking?) Do not, I repeat, do not, walk away until you get that ipod. It's clear that she's in a pattern where she'll "forget" again for like, forever, and you'll just find yourself back at this point again in the future. Hang tough. Do not leave. Do not accept a request to give it to you tomorrow. If that happens, say, "Noooo, I really want it now." Think to yourself, remember, it's my ipod. Then, again, STOP talking.

    And when you get that hot little ipod back, say, "Great!" Say, "I can't wait to hear (insert music)." DO NOT APOLOGIZE Do not say thank you. She says that to you, remember?

    Smile, take your ipod, and return to your cubicle.


    And write, and let me know how it turns out.

    Love and kisses from your
    surrogate auntie on Cape Cod,

  3. 3 weeks??? She should pay rent for it...
    I'd go with Jude's advice; Works fine with me (nice chatting doesn't get you anywhere here);
    Aren't tuesdays just some kind of bad mondays undercover? Just thinking ... ;-)

  4. Asking in person gets it immediately. Asking in email gives you a chance to be passive agressive and she can still hold onto it for another few days with the excuse "didn't get your email yet". I really like Jude's idea, but remember that you do have to work with her, so I would throw in a thank you for kicks.

  5. Thank you all for your advice!

    Gloria- violent sounding as always.

    Auntie Jude- I will try and remember to stop talking. No promises. Can I say thank you really sweetly? Or really sarcastically?

    kittycat - I should have charged rent. I would have made some money and got it back weeks ago.

    AuntBT- I know you're right. But I dont wanna!!!

  6. I'm totally with Jude. Especially the "stop talking" and "don't apologize" parts. Because that's where people really take advantage of niceness, which this girl already has done. But I'm also with AuntBT -- Say "thank you" when she returns it, but matter-of-factly. No "thank you so much." No gushing. But no icy glare either. You do have to work with her.

    Also, I totally sang "No good deed goes unpunIIIIIIISHED!" in my head. Would have been out loud, but the background of husband's PlayStation war game would have been an insult to Broadway genius. I love, love, LOVE Wicked.

  7. OMG miss Bored@Work..i think she's a serial-forgetting-other-people's-shit-or-just-taking-them-kinda person. Maurice came over to my desk and filled up my flashdrive with some new House/trance beats that he wanted me to check out, and i just left it in front of my monitor and was outta my office for a couple o' hours doing things. I came back, and i noticed that my flashdrive(memory stick) was missing. I was freaking out 'cause it's got my naked pictures in it (joking...it's got my resume and some photos). I looked around and asked my cubicle-"buddies" if they saw mine, and she was like, 'oh i have it right here, i was listening to it" ..what the f*ck??!?! i freaked out "um, next time you ASK maybe?!?!? id appreciate it if you TELL me if ur taking my shit". AND she literally does not stop talking. i had to put my ipod volume to the max, blowing my brains out in order for me to avoid that annoying voice. just so people would know. SHE's an asshole, not you. you're the awesomestest person ever