Thursday, June 24, 2010

Vacation Rules

I made up a new word. I really think its going to catch on.

I was talking to my friend, let's call her Megara (remember that movie? Remember when Tate Donovan was hot?) about how she is sick of working and thinks that we should both find rich men to take care of us so that we wouldn't have to work. So our boyfriends would become our man mistresses because we are really quite fond of them, and we needed a word for this new title. Since I was pretty sure that no word exists, I came up with some options. Just plain old misters, and concuboys.

I think concuboys could really work.

Guess what? Today's post has a point! No really, it does! I was talking to The Record yesterday, upon her return from a couple of days out of the office and realized that there need to be some Cubicle rules for vacation days. I figure its a good time for them too- its summer (or so I have been told) and people want to take advantage of the beautiful weather (or in the case of Vancouverites, just freeze away from the city) by taking some time off.

Sadly this means that your managers suffer. So I give you: Cubicle Rules For Vacationing.

1. No Arrangements Will Be Made To Redistribute Your Work. Even if you are a proactive employee and make these arrangements yourself, they will not be honoured. Its your work, you get it done. Don't make lousy excuses like "I'm going away". You get to go away, you get to catch up when you're back.

2. You Will Respond To All Emails. Maybe you did set your out-of-office, but does your out-of-office help your boss figure out how to do his/her job? I didn't think so. Make sure that you deal with all your emails before you return to the office, or you will be behind. And I'm sure that your manager doesn't want to have to remind you that s/he needs your help on all the stufff you left behind before your little hiatus.

3. Help Everyone Else. When you return you will be expected to help everyone else with their workload. No, we didn't take care of your duties while you were away, but you were on vacation so you must be well-rested and caught up. Some of us had to work. Feel free to pitch in.

4. We Will Ignore Your Vacation. You had a good trip? The weather was nice? Don't care. Did you get the emails that I sent about that thing that I didn't do while you were away? I sent it to you 5 days ago and still haven't heard about it. Vacation? You were away? Your manager doesn't care that you were away. You're back now and your boss needs you to complete the TPS report.

4b. Supervisiors Get Extra Attention. Sometimes supervisors, the unsung heroes of the office, need a vacation and they will want to make it count. They may even go somewhere amazing like South Africa (or Los Angeles). Don't worry- we wouldn't want you to miss out on this momentous office occasion. We will have a cake to send them off in style, and while they are away, there will be email updates about how much fun your supervisor is having. Because management knows that you want to know. And management always obliges those desires. Maybe you will even get postcards.

5. If You Stay, We Have Work For You. Not everyone goes on vacation during the summer, and that's OK. We have work for you. Because there are a lot of people away over the next few weeks we will need everyone else to work extra hard to make up for it. If you are completely incompetent we will probably get someone to do your work. If you are fully capable of doing your job on your own, we will probably get you to train someone to take care of it while you are gone, but don't labour under false pretenses- they aren't actually going to do your work. And you will still be behind when you are back.

So that's it. Rules for vacation. Obviously a heavy dose of Sarcasma today.

And just for Anna...


1 comment:

  1. Don't forget the rule that you will receive multiple e-mails from your incompetent boss asking for you to send a document when you haven't even been in the office to read or reply to said e-mails. Sending them every day in your absence is a surefire way to ensure they will get what they want. Managers are so smart. Except not really.