Thursday, April 22, 2010

The One Where I'm All Gangsta Yo!

Yesterday, as I was leaving Olga cried out "Please can you remember to bring that book tomorrow?!"

She almost didn't make it through the rest of her day on account of I stabbed her. With my eyes. Who does she think she is asking to borrow my book? She don't know me. I was about to get all up in her grill...

But because I just 'front' at being a b*tch I brought the book today. My beautiful, wonderful, hilarious got-me-through-a-really-dark-time Jen Lancaster book is in the clutches of Olga.

Hold me.

I totally exaggerated by the way. It didn't get me through any particularly bleak period...aside from those times that I was, you know, at work. Here.

The Universe better bring her home safe to me. Or plagues will rain down. I'm thinking locusts?

I know that I have an unnatural attachment to my books (you know how in hostels they have those "take a book, leave a book" stations? I took a book...I could not leave one. I'm that a-hole) but let's be real here, books are the greatest things ever.

Anyway, sometimes I don't get my books back-- I'm looking at you Audrey. The first time I ever leant a book to a co-worker she stopped coming to work shortly thereafter. I never saw 4 Blondes again- and damn it that was a good book!

Why didn't I say that I had borrowed it from a friend?

That's definitely the answer when she asks if she can borrow Bright Lights, Big Ass which is what I am reading now (another Jen Lancaster, because, let's face it, the woman is a genius. The downside is that I look crazy laughing out loud on the bus).

Let's practice, shall we?

Olga: I know that we're not in any way friends and I'm horribly useless but could I borrow your book?
Me: sorry, I borrowed this one from a friend.

Oh, yes! That will work well!

I know of one thing that will never find its way into her clammy little hands. My talking-Dug-that-my-oh-so-smart-and-beautiful-cousin-is-going-to-smuggle-back-from-Disneyland! I'm excited to squeeze him and hear things like "squirrel!" and "will you please be my prisoner?"

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you really need to see UP. Like for real.

You know, considering my beloved book is in the death grip of a moron, my blog class was cancelled and The Boyfriend has been moved to start working night shifts starting next weekend (let's not get started on that) I'm in a pretty alright mood. I've somehow tricked myself into being happy. And that is seriously f*cked up.

It's pretty damn impossible to be miserable when the sun is shining in your face and your Canucks totally came through for you last night like you totally knew they would. I did. I kept telling The Boyfriend to calm the f*ck down because the Canucks were going to pull through and they did. In a big way.

I would like to send a big thank you out to my VEG who is just as crazy as me (see her post yesterday) and who provided me with a new way to swear, sh*t g*d damn. It feels so right. And came in really handy a few times during the stroke-inducing 3rd period last night.

Oh and for all the rest of you book lovers out there (and I know that that's like practically all of you) my friend sent me a link to a website with impossibly cheap books that also happens to have free shipping.

There is of course a really good chance that you all already know about this website and I'm the last to know because well...with these kinds of things thats the story of my life.


  1. Jen Lancaster is THE BOMB. And EEK! She just started following me back on Twitter. I finished Bitter and have Bright Lights Big Ass on hold at library.

    And shitgoddamn is the best thing since m-f-er.

  2. I am on am mission tomorrow to find DUG...wish me luck!! And thanks for the lovely description :)

  3. Um, I HATE letting people borrow books. They are like children to me. Ok, not really, but I love them and don't like to let them go. The only books I "leave" are the ones I hate, and that's rare.

    So glad to know about the website. I'm in need of more Jen, I've only read Bitter and need more of that woman!