Friday, April 16, 2010

The Rules

Even though it's Friday, even though the Canucks gained a spectacular victory last night, even though the sun will be shining in my face in about 4 minutes, I'm not in a good mood.

Some might say I'm in a bad mood and they wouldn't be far off; I'm in a horrible mood.

So screw you Mr Sun, you're not changing my mind.

I have some rules for the general population (and especially the dipsh*ts I work with) today so that they don't get hurt.

1. People on the bus should just quietly read or contemplate their lives. There is no need for talking or laughing, this is a morning bus. What are you so happy about anyway? You like going to work on a sunny Friday? You're nuts. If you have a cold, wear gloves. Don't wipe your nose with your hand and then grab back onto the pole. That's how you spread disease you inconsiderate fool. Oh, you had a tissue in your pocket the whole time? Weird that you didn't use that instead. Doing your make-up on the bus is also disgusting. Need to add another coat of lipgloss? Fine. Need to do your whole face with foundation, blush etc? Nasty. Wake up earlier. And for the love of all that is holy, if you are sitting on the aisle and the person on the window needs to get off the bus, get up and let them pass. It's not that I don't enjoy hitting you in the face with my bag as I try to climb over you (I do, and its your own fault) its just common courtesy to let me pass. You know?

2. If you make a mistake, own it. I don't care if you are a supervisor and you think you are somehow above taking responsibility for the crap that you mess up, you aren't. I'm certainly not going to take all the blame. You're right, I did log that incorrectly. Doesn't change the fact that you were supposed to be taking care of it the whole time and didn't. Feel free to not throw me under the bus to make you look good. I do twice the amount of work that you do and get paid less. Remember, I'm not here forever and I will be mentioning this in my exit interview.

3. Don't speak until my tea is finished. To you its just tea. To me, its office life. I can't get through the day without it, and you don't want me to try.

4. Keep your inane thoughts to yourself. I don't care that your earring is broken (in fact, I'm glad. It was a copy of mine and mine are better and real and you copied me. And now karma has broken them). I don't need to hear about what your last name will be if you marry your boyfriend. You know what? He's never going to marry you. Sorry to be harsh, but you started it. Also, feel free not to hum the 007 theme song.

5. No Maurice. Just. No. I know tht you are devastated not to have been able to get tickets to that UFC fight (that is back on in Vancouver. Sad face) but seriously stop trying to make me believe that UFC fighting is great. Its not. Its disgusting. And the fact that people are willing to pay $40,000 for a ticket does not convince me that its so amazing, it further convinces me that there are serious problems with the human race. So just stop.

You know what? That actually helped. Its like if I had been bitten by a venomous snake. You have to suck the poison out. MK- recognize the theory?

Its Friday. Just have to get through a few more hours and then...apartment viewings! Keep your fingers crossed that we find The One. Then we can start discussing all my career options and the jobs you all have lined up for me.

Oh, and VEG? I would love to share some Canucks chocolate with you.

Go Canucks Go!


  1. Mmmm, chocolate is NOMS. And GO CANUCKS GO!

  2. doesn't that theory require you to apologise to people though!! Oh my life is 8 million times more depressing than yours Ash. I'm dying over here accross the pond :( Love, MK.