Friday, April 30, 2010

Orange You Glad I Didn't Say Banana?

Yesterday afternoon we got the following email:

Olga is no longer working here.

That was it. And then I did my happy dance. For 2 reasons. First, it means that I don't have to deal with her sh*t anymore, clean up her professional messes, face her awkwardly in the lunchroom, or dodge book loaning questions. And secondly, she had already returned my book on Wednesday!

To recap: I got my book back and I got rid of the problem.

Yes I probably should feel bad that I had a hand in a co-worker losing her job. But I don't. Because I have tried this before and it hasn't worked. I'm pretty sure the only reason that Olga is gone is because Veronica did not like her. So for once, Veronica made herself useful.

Lots to get to today people. Yesterday when I was googling myself to see if my blog made it when you searched "cubicle" (it doesn't-what gives?) I found this . And I died a little inside. The cubicle? Is not a toy. Its a depressing state of mind. Don't force it onto your children. Teach your kids to reach higher than their own cubicle. Unless your kid is exhibiting Veronica-like tendencies and then by all means, keep her expectations low.

Today when I searched cubicle, I came across the most depressing cubicle 'winners'. Wired magazine ran a contest...and some of the entries ...well they are definitely worse than mine. Mine is less about the work space (although the walls could be shorter) and more about the state of mind of the other cubicle rats. I hate people. Have a look- could make your workspace look like the Taj Mahal.

Onto more important things. Hockey. Unfortunately playoffs bring out certain kinds of fans: puckbunnies and the bandwagoners. Yes I also do not like the way bandwagoners sound. Anyway- in my office I am surrounded by them. Puckbunnies are girls that don't watch during the regular season but when their boyfriends abandon them for the playoffs they get on board. They start wearing their boyfriend's jerseys, arranging to go to games (which they don't watch) and spouting off hockey stats that they don't know anything about. And they commit this cardinal sin: they buy the pink jersey. I. Hate. Pink. Jerseys. You know what? The Canucks have pretty sweaters, the colours are nice; get a real one. Bandwagoners are those that don't watch any regular season hockey but when the team is winning they are all over it. More like an excuse to drink and cause trouble in the city. Like these people needed an excuse. Jerks. As soon as the team falters they are all over them like white on rice, spouting all kinds of nonsense like they knew they couldn't do it.

(For the record [no not you Record, I'm using the actual phrase this time] I did watch during the regular season. All the time. And I believe. I believe hard)

Veronica? A puckbunny. She's wearing her nephew's vintage Canucks sweater today. Its too small. Too tight. And last week she told me that when she watches, the Canucks lose.

Please stop watching.

Now I would love to rag on Chicago some. But I am conflicted. My hero, Jen Lancaster lives there. And also, last year we raged on Chicago and look what happened. Bad things. So this year, we are continuing with the cautious optimism. We are not the same team we were last year. Our goalie? Now a gold medal winner. Henrik? Art Ross Trophy winner, Hart Trophy nominee (for MVP of the NHL).

But still. The Blackhawks? Hooligans. You can't predict what hooligans will do.

Finally. Today is my national holiday. Today my people (the Dutch for those of you new to the blog) have festooned themselves in orange (yours truly included), are wandering the streets or tooling around canals on boats drunk and just generally having an excellent time. Sure, some might say that orange is a heinous colour ("whoever said that orange was the new pink, was seriously deranged") but they would be wrong. You just need to have the right pride. And actually, orange isn't that bad. Its cheerful.

Plus there is that excellent joke about orange. Knock knock. Who's there. Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana.

Hilarious right??

I should be drinking with my people. Mona, Emily, Angela...drink for me? I know you ladies are totally up to the challenge.

And I will be going to the pub around the corner at lunch to toast you all.

Happy Weekend!

6 comments:

  1. YAY for getting rid of stupid co workers, especially AFTER returning the holy of holies, Jen Lancaster book. And I hate the pink jersey too. Wesla had one on on TV this morning. And for the record too, my life revolves around the regular season of hockey.

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  2. Oh the puck bunniesApril 30, 2010 at 10:40 AM

    I was excited to note that Wesla Wong is a puck bunny and wore an ugly pick jersey but Enviro Girl beat me to it. Enviro Girl, you are now my nemesis!

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  3. Oh god. I h*te the pink jerseys too! Sooo annoying.

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  4. VEG: I am so glad that she is gone. But mostly I'm glad that I got my book back!

    Puck Bunnies: can't you just take solace in the fact that you and VEG are of the same mind?

    All: pink jerseys need to be discontinued.

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  5. I don't know you, but you complete me...and the fact you waste an hour of work time to blog is impressive...

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  6. The fact that I do this and still manage to outproduce my co-workers should tell you a lot about my workplace.

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