I tried to be a good employee this morning and get started on completing these mandatory courses. But I was denied access.
We were taken over last summer and our jobs will become obsolete by this fall (everybody cheers!) but we still need to complete these mandatory courses. Take time out of our work day to complete them. Because that makes a lot of sense.
Anyway, today I tried and was denied. What can you do?
Am I hallucinating or did that rhyme?
Just so we know where things stand today, I was forced to go back to Starbucks this morning for a free pastry (with my drink). There is nothing I won't do for a free pastry. And as luck would have it, someone restocked on earl grey tea. I am at one with the universe.
Except that I'm wearing new shoes. Adorable grey Oxfords. That I lusted over in the States only to be told that my giant clown feet wouldn't fit into any of the ones they had in stock. So I hunted them down. They arrived on my birthday. A size 10. Normally, this is good, but for some reason the Oxford fairy decided to make shoes for children and sell them to adults. So an 11 would have been better. But they were special ordered. I had them stretched.
No turning back.
I will not admit defeat. I will wear my Oxfords. I mean, I can get my feet into them. And my toes only fall asleep some of the time. So all in all, I'd say I'm out on top.
I'm wearing tights (the kind with feet, referred to as panty hose by moms the world over, but which term gives me the creeps) so I'm hoping we can prevent my feet from also bleeding.
I have tea though. I can handle anything.
Yesterday was a little bit of a different story. I was a smidge hungover, I didn't sleep and I didn't have any caffeine to take the edge off. By the end of the day I was so done.
John wasn't though.
I was leaving the office, walking down the hallway, saying good byes. I came to the end of the hall and there is John, with Turd Furguson, also preparing to leave. I had my headphones in my hands so I started to put them on, the international symbol for no-I-don't-want-to-talk-to-you. Shockingly, it appears that John is not so well versed in international speak.
You will remember that John did come to our impromptu birthday party but said nothing. I guess he felt badly about that or something? I can't imagine he actually felt bad because that would imply that he had a conscience so maybe it was indigestion.
John: Happy Birthday.
me: its not my birthday.
John: oh, was it yesterday?
John: when was it?
John: oh this coming Thursday?
John: oh this past Thursday.
me: yes. Why do you think I didn't come in? Bye!
And I practically ran out of the office. I even looked back to make sure they weren't walking the same way. They weren't.
Why does he even bother?
Oh. My. God.
I just overheard Amy tell Maurice that he was going to train someone. Not just anyone. Hairy A$$ Crack. I don't even know when I might have written about that (or I would link it for your viewing pleasure--perhaps if you have some procrastinating to do, you could look for it. My words become even more clever with time) but basically he bent over and I was blind. This guy, is useless. USE. LESS.
And Maurice. You've all enjoyed the Maurice stories. The meaning of the word garland. Being chivalrous. The hair cuts. He's going to be training someone. To do a job.
I sit beside him. I'm going to have to listen to this.
Don't worry, I will take notes. Something hilarious has to come out of this. Otherwise its just a lot of body odour for nothing.