Monday, March 15, 2010

Common Sense Need Not Apply

Its 3 days til the big day! We're excited. And by we I mean everyone around me. Because I said so.

There is of course more significance attached to the fact that its the best day of the year on Thursday. I have it and Friday off. Which means...only 3 days to get through here. The best gift of all.

Fittingly enough, when I walked in here this morning, it smelled like sh*t. I'm not exaggerating, this isn't some metaphor for genuinely smelled like sh*t. I actually looked around to see if there wasn't a festering pile of it somewhere. Who knows? Maybe they brought their dogs in to "work" again this weekend (last time they did that they spent the day playing fetch with their dogs. Yes, they do get paid for doing that) and someone had an accident.

Maybe it was Maurice's breakfast.

Whatever the case may have been, the smell, thankfully, is gone.

To be replaced with a chorus of nose blowing and lung hacking. Is there anything better on a Monday morning than the sweet, sweet sounds of lung hacking? And aren't you supposed to blow your nose in private? Do you enjoy sounding like a trumpet swan in front of your co-workers? Do you think your co-workers love the sounds of your nasty, germy snot being shot out of your nose?

If you are that sick, do us all a favour and stay the F home.

Amazing how such simple, common sense things are completely disregarded in a day to day office existence.

For instance, if someone is quietly reading in a corner of the lunchroom, perhaps they don't want to be bothered. Maybe you don't need to sit right beside them (when all the other seats are empty) and start chattering away about lord knows what. They probably wanted some peace and quiet. Which you are ruining.

If you ask someone to do a job for you, but you don't train them, maybe don't be an a-hole when they don't complete the job totally correctly. You probably should have taken 5 more minutes and explained things properly. On the other hand, sometimes people understand the job and you don't need to continue to hover or explain in other words. Like say you have a list, and you want to mark it with the names of people to take care of it. And there are 2 names, and you want to alternate the names, I think Mary Kate gets it. I don't think you need to keep coming back and saying "ok so you start with Bob. And then the next one is...Fred. And then...Bob again. And then...that's right! Fred". (That was an example taken from the glory days when the d-bag-manager-with-no-first-name was in charge. And yes, it actually happened pretty much exactly like that)

If I ask you, my supervisor, a question and you pass me off to someone else to answer it, you do not get to then not like the answer and change the process. OK? You passed it off, I did it the way I was told. If you want to change it, because you should have answered the question in the first place, then you can make the corrections.

Finally, even though I will ask about your cruise John, it doesn't mean I care. I'm being polite. I've heard it works. Perhaps you would like to give it a shot sometimes? No, no, this doesn't mean we're friends, or even that I respect you. Mostly it means that I don't want to be subjected to staring at your ugly mug close up while we have a meeting about attitude or some such other bull crap excuse to tear me down.


Basically if you want to work here, leave your common sense at the door. Don't have common sense? Perfect, come on in.

PS Agata, I ran out and got Bitter Is The New Black. Excellent recommendation. I haven't laughed that loud at a book in a while. Genius.


  1. I have a co-worker who came in sick last week because he's so nosy he was afraid he was going to miss something. He meandered around the office, spreading his germs, and making sure every one knew he was sick.

    Totally disgusting.

    I guess a co-worker recommended that he should stay home. Of course he didn't...people like that never do.

  2. Ok, you're the second person to recommmend Bitter is the New Black, I officially have to go out and get this book!!!

  3. What is with this desire to come into work when you are deathly ill? What are you proving? Your work ethic? No. You're proving that you are a selfish douche.

    AuntBT- you MUST read it. Its GOLD. Jen Lancaster is a genius.